Ooooooooooh, I Love It When He Rants!

Today we rant. I save these up for a long time and then dispose of them in one, giant, cathartic explosion of misanthropic bile. It is time to clear the body of ill humors.

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Let’s just go right to Facebook, the source of most of my anxiety. The following items are to be immediately banned from Facebook:

The 59th Regiment is no longer fighting in Iraq. I doubt that the last member of the 59th was anywhere near there – they vanished in around 1968. So quit asking me to share the post because they’ve been in combat for 3 solid days and those brave young men need your prayers. I know you found this on your late uncle’s timeline when you were clicking on your friends. He’s been dead for almost as long as the 59th. And it didn’t matter anyway that Justin Bieber got thousands of likes that day and why can’t these brave men get some likes.

No, I won’t keep the Santa Express going until Christmas. I hate that truck. Stupid thing has been around for years and I’m sick of seeing it – and somebody already got that little child a toy years ago.

Leave Home Depot/Menards/Target/Taco Bell, etc., alone. You weren’t there when some 19 year old jerk was rude to a veteran, or denied them a discount. First of all, I don’t remember anyone making it illegal to not give you a discount for your service. Yes, I like them when they’re offered. No, I don’t go bat-guano crazy if they don’t offer one to me. Let it die. Quit posting it – again, it’s been going around for years.

No kidding, somebody was kind enough to put a ladder up to the dumpster and let the bear get out. Great video the first two hundred times they posted it. Then again, anyone stupid enough to get that close to a wild animal that could put a serious hurt on them lacks something in the noggin. Nice gesture, but where were the other bears? Not one of them had a ladder? Seriously, if they’re that worth saving, they should mount their own rescue effort.

You, and your stupid click-bait link, should smolder in Hell for eternity. You know who you are: This amazing thing just happened and you won’t believe what Jesus did!!!!11!!1!

Pictures of your children, or any close relative, that you post to get a compliment are dangerous. Seriously, was there ever an infant that didn’t look more like Winston Churchill than your daughter?

More like him than anyone in your gene pool before 6 months.

More like him than anyone in your gene pool before 6 months.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it, but … well, I’ve no children but Stormy and she is rarely offended by your comments.
stormy, shetland sheepdog, rescue dog

She’s immune to your slights.

To my fellow authors: Yes, it’s lovely that your book is now available. I’m glad for you. But when you post that same thing every day for two months you’ve got to realize that we all write as well and putting it in the writer’s group every day is not selling many additional copies after about – once. This is not to discourage you from promoting your upcoming work in the group and looking for a launch team. That’s very much a great thing. But let’s not shill the thing every day in the writer’s forum. And, on your author page it gets a bit stale after a very short time. Try doing something that’s not for sale on your timeline. If I’m bored and I also write, can you imagine how your normal friends feel? (Be advised: when my books go on sale this goes out the window and it’s all good.)

I truly wish that the double-amputee combat veteran had read his homeowner association agreement before he bought that retirement home. I wish he could fly his flag as much as you do. But he signed a contract. End of story. Quit asking me to firebomb his association’s office or out myself as a commie. Read the fine print. Now, if it’s a city ordinance…

I will not hit share and wait 10 seconds to get my blessing. Who drew that graphic? It wasn’t your son Gerald, was it? The kid who ate dog food and thought he was a dolphin? That would explain a lot. Yes, I love Jesus, but passing that garbage on does not make me a a faithful Christian any more than not doing so makes me a worshiper of Baal.

I did read your Facebook post saying that white males are stupid, evil, vile beings. Duh, did you forget that you friended me a while ago? Thanks for the open admission that your a racist/sexist/whatever. People, use some control. If I’m (and everyone that looks like me or uses the same bathroom) that horrible, why do you also share with me the happy stuff, the pictures of your new baby (see item above) and pictures of your puppy? Drop me or act like a real friend.

I’d continue, but I need to go watch Netflix. I’m batting a thousand this past week on some seriously wonderful movies and documentaries. You can go back to Facebook. Make sure you put up that selfie from the bar. I love seeing you that way…

Until the next rant.

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I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit a million views in 2014, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help. When we hit 2,000,000 readers I will give away something cool to a drawing from the subscribers (that’s the box on the right toward the top) who have helped promote this mess. No used sheets, probably not honey, more likely gift cards. Be a part of it. I’ll update from time to time where we’re at in the count. Thanks.

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