Yer In My Way, Pokemon Dude

For those of you not familiar with the Pokemon Go! game, it involves a tablet or cellphone with special programs, internet capability, and a screen big enough to get you killed because you can’t pay attention to anything else. Played largely in urban areas, it is thought to be a form of retroactive abortion designed to weed out the geeky and nerdy among our young, and the hopelessly clueless in the soon-to-be-in-a-care-facility crowd.

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I am often told, by scolds of all ilk, that I’m too judgmental. Are they not judging me in telling me this? I may be digressing, but I will judge those playing this “harmless” game. I am reminded, by me, that it’s no different than the Dungeons and Dragons crowd when I was the same age.

My peers at the time will remember the generous heaping of scorn I allocated to that pursuit. I always wondered what was wrong with them that they were smoking weed and playing D&D when they could have been drinking bourbon and playing Trivial Pursuit. Yes, I was a nerd, but a nerd with a grasp of reality. Darkened through some bourbon, but reality all the same. And I could fill a pie in under 20 minutes. Being eidetic has its pluses. Unfortunately, said bourbon consumption made that a historical issue.

So where is this wandering bucket of smoldering hatred going? Why it’s leading to the official rules for playing Pokemon Go! in my presence:

1. Don’t block the sidewalk when I’m on my way to the bus or work. The amount of damage that a bearded, bald, 300 + pound man with large forearms can do to you as he charges down the sidewalk yelling “COMING THROUGH!” is a thing of beauty. Or, quite possibly, ambulances, for the average person staring at their screen waiting for a sorbitalian to appear.

2. Don’t charge me as you pursue a virtual game. Bad things happen if I stop abruptly and you crash into me. Promise you I’m still standing but you have some marks.

3. Don’t drag your three year old past me at a dead run at 2215. I will intervene for that frightened child. You will not like it. The child welfare people won’t be too happy with you when I get done making my statement.

4. Don’t run out into traffic. I know that sounds like a joke, but the number of greasy smears on bumpers is growing. Wednesday night I saw three or four zombie herds cross in front of angry motorists. Not one of them looked up at traffic before sprinting out into the path of oncoming cars. The car will win.

5. Don’t abuse the homeless in your pursuit of virtual prizes. See number 3, modify that just a tad, and combine it with number 1. Seems the game attracts a bit of a nasty crowd who prey on others. Ain’t going to tolerate that one either. I know many of the street people from cooking for them over the years. Friends is what I call them. Don’t mess with my friends.

In conclusion, act like real people. Try to be something other than a moron. I am a moron. I have been a moron for years. But you’re young enough to avoid being a moron. Find another pursuit. Running people down, dragging your toddler through the streets at late hours, and driving around with the phone on the wheel while you ignore your lane and all about you qualifies you as a possible permanent member of that group. I can still change. Can you?

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

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$.99 Assault On Saint Agnes Special This Week.

Yeah, it’s a straight up shill. But I’ve always wanted to be number one on Amazon and the book has a shot. Your sharing this post on your social media will help me a lot. Not just liking it, but sharing it. I need that help!

We’ve been watching the numbers for a while, and it’s hovering in the top 200-500 most days in it’s categories. We saw it zoom to #120 when we dropped the price – and before we told anyone.

So this week we’re blowing it out, and selling the Kindle version for $.99.

Steal this picture for your Facebook post.

Steal this picture for your Facebook post.

Tell your friends. Buy your own. But do it today.

’cause next week it’s going back to full price.

There will be a real post on Thursday. Promise.

Now go buy the book. Please. Almost forgot.

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My Apologies.

Today I’d promised some stuff from the festival. Not quite yet. Still working the video.

I deeply regret misleading you.

Instead, I present a video about Stormy from last year.

Festival stuff Monday.

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I Have A Pretty Brain.

For those of you who just spewed coffee all over the screen, my apologies. That’s why there’s no print version of this blog: too much coffee on paper makes it useless. That and some of you would subscribe just to use it in the outhouse. I quail at that image, but it’s the truth.

Why would this face make anyone nervous?

Why would this face make anyone nervous?

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Why is my brain pretty? It’s obviously not the content, the picture above should disabuse you from that notion in a flash. I’m told it looks like one belonging to Abby Someone

As some of you may remember, I’ve been part of an ongoing study at the V.A. Medical Center for several years. They’re studying PTSD and Schizophrenia. They gave me a letter saying that I’m normal and they need me for a baseline. Some of you have suggested that it’s actually because I’m nuttier than a Snicker’s Bar. I’m on the fence.

Anywho, the joy of having long term research subjects is that you can mine that information, stack new tests on the old data, and have a pretty good idea of what’s working and what isn’t. With the testing, not me. I’m an enigma.

Last week I got back from the Athanatos Christian Arts Festival (see this space Thursday for more info) and proceeded to immerse myself in all things V.A. On day two, I was at the University of Minnesota for an M.R.I. study. Again, layered on top of the tests I’d previously taken.

We found out several important things during the study. (I consider myself a part of the research team, versus glorified lab-rat.) The first was that when you cram anything as big as me into the MRI tube, you should probably spray PAM over all the surfaces involved.

I’m not claustrophobic. But I surely understand that a bit better after the test. I was shoved in there so tight that my shoulders scraped the sides as the tray pushed into the tube. I didn’t really care, but I’m sure that’s a panic attack inducer for a lot of people. I was simply warm and cozy. And deaf. The earplugs you wear to protect your hearing block out most everything.

So, there I was, taking tests while they zapped my melon with magnetic waves. Or, so they told me. It could have been any kind of radiation and I’d be none the wiser. I managed to stay awake, think mild thoughts when so instructed. Prayed, actually. Seemed like a good time for it. Then I mashed buttons when that was the gig.

The test resulted in some very spectacular images. All of which were perfect. Active to the max, no tumors, good responses, and very pretty. That’s what the young lady running the machine said. As in, textbook.

Now take a second look at that picture above. Textbook what…

See you Thursday!

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

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Brenda S. Anderson Is Celebrating The Century Review!

Sorry about my being awol, but I’ve been a busy boy. And, I have a pretty brain. I’ll explain that next week.

In the meantime, my friend Brenda is giving away a fully loaded Kindle Fire with a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes preloaded – and some other peoples’ books as a bonus. She’s just passed the 100 review mark on her novel, Chain of Mercy.

Run over to her blog and enter!

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