Christian Arts Festival: Upper Midwest Must Do! @ACMArtsFestival Share This On Facebook & Twitter

There is a point in blogging where you have to stop and smell the shill. If you spend all of your time talking about your movie, audio book, novel, magazine article, and home-health care sanitary wipe line, you lose your readers.

I try very hard not to do that on this blog. I try to provide you with entertaining (or aggravating) posts that touch on topics you like, some spiritual stuff, and a bit of the straight shill now and again. Let’s face it: I’m putting out good dough to publish this… never mind. But when you buy a book, or come see me as Santa, you do allow me to spend the time and money that this bi-weekly train wreck demands.

My beloved publisher (and I truly mean that – he lets me run amok and almost never snaps my nose with a rolled up newspaper) has undertaken an arts festival in the middle of Wisconsin! Here’s the link and the logo:

So, here’s the deal: people complain that there’s nothing wholesome to do with their families. There are no “Christian” festivals, only ones loosely based on bad historian’s visions of the Renaissance. I have nothing against turkey legs, but for goodness sake, we’re serving Bratwurst. If you can find one decent human in all of “Sconnie” that wants turkey over Bratwurst, I’ll kill the danged bird myself and heat it on the engine of my car.

This thing is being held less than 2.5 hours from Minneapolis. Big, paved roads with no snow drifts. Nice people in the town. Fascinating speakers – he’s crazy, the director has given me top billing and three speaking slots. I’m writing this blog instead of preparing. No, seriously folks, I’ve got grade “A” material ready for this beast. If you’re an author, two of the three speeches are for sure of interest. General public? All three. The topics are the threat of weapons of mass destruction under Islamic control, writing about war for non-warriors (that includes police topics, and a variety of mystery subjects) that will be interesting to both readers and movie fans alike, and a final topic that I’m kind of proud of – writing about Biblical stories and how you can make the fit into the 21st century. Yup, promise them all to be riveting.

I’ll also be autographing books, taking pictures, and probably kissing babies and dogs.

Did I mention nationally famous musicians on Saturday? Or a dance party? Perhaps the other authors from the publishing empire we’re building would charm you senseless? I’ve read the books: these people are very good. I’m already a fanboy waiting to sit and talk to them all day.

In short, it’s a first time event, geared to people who want some wholesome family entertainment, in a place you can drive to from Minneapolis/Saint Paul. There are hotels and other places to stay nearby, and camping on site.

Come out and join us in Greenwood, Wisconsin August 4th to 7th.

I’ll be the fat guy with the beard in the writers’ tent.

I hope you swing on by. If you mention that you’re a reader of this blog, I’ll knock a couple of bucks off a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes and even give you a glimpse of the sequel. Yup, you won’t get that at the place with the drumsticks.

Posted in acting, Assault on Saint Agnes, Jihad, Lazy author with nothing to blog about, popular culture, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Whew! Glad We Vetted Trump’s Wife Early On.

Given the fact that Melania Trump possibly cribbed a few innocuous lines from a speech, I’m utterly refusing to vote for her for First Lady. I promise on my immortal soul, I will not vote for her.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Really? This counts as a controversy? I’m opposed to any First Lady (or First Man when the time comes) saying anything more important than, “I’m so glad you love what I’ve done with the decorations on the White House Christmas Tree.” Fini.

More times than I can count I’ve been seriously annoyed with all of the policy generated from this non-elected person. They are not my representative. They can sit quietly, hand out champagne flutes, or get the heck out of the limelight.

If we’d like to discuss vetting, and plagiarism, how about Joey Joe Joe Biden? A man who was forced to end his presidential run because he stole the campaign speech of a British candidate.

Don’t remember that, eh? Not surprising as it doesn’t fit the narrative.

Let us not get distracted. Melania Trump is not running for office. Hillary, who risked national security with her pursuit of power and terrible behavior, is a candidate. Let’s try and remember that little episode. An episode for which I, or any of my colleagues in the intelligence world, would have gone to prison. If you are willing to excuse her behavior on the basis of “she didn’t know”, just remember that that means she’s too stupid to understand the rules that millions of military members understand.

And she wants to run the joint?

Personally I hope Melania steals all sorts of additional stuff in the future. I think her accent is cute. Shrillary? I’d rather that my encroaching deafness be accelerated than put up with her screechy voice and cackle (while she lies her butt off) for four years.

Thank you for reading. Keep up the good work!

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

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Nuke ’em, France

I know the French have tactical nuclear weapons. Plenty of low-yield items out there that are available for general use in desert climates. Now, more than ever, is the time to nuke some assorted targets in sandy places. Time to exterminate the caliphate.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

(By the way, the line to call me a racist is over there to the left.)

I’ve spent more than a little time kicking about in the south of France. Even spent a Bastille day there once upon a time. I remember we were lining up for the transport back to our nuclear go-kart, around 2200, most of us inebriated, when the explosions started. This was probably 1988, and Americans were regular terrorist targets. Being the sorts we were, we started to scatter and seek cover until our French hosts pointed to the fireworks now visible in the sky to our rear. Yes, fireworks, not car bombs. But it was a time when either could have been the case. Something people here in the United States never gave much thought to in the pre-internet era.

The cringing whiners among us will spend today calling the truck driver a crazy man. A lone-wolf. A… well, it doesn’t matter. He might have been. But I have a hunch that he was a low-life Jihadist scum ball that needed to die.

Today, I know that the French, much as I abuse them, will be planning some pay-back. Good for them. Unlike our illustrious leadership, they will not send out messages of assurance to the local mosques letting them know that the government is on guard to prevent a backlash. Nope, the French will lock down all sorts of ugly places, break out the waterboard, and send the bombers to visit distant lands. The Legion will be sending special visitors to slit throats. My compatriots in blood, and viewpoint, will be slamming coffin lids at home, and opening up the gates of Hell, ushering the perpetrators through the portal.

Nukes. They work in isolated areas. Great time to see how well the stockpile is holding up. Those ISIS, Nusra, Al Qaeda encampments far from other things would make great targets. No martyrs escaping to lick their wounds and take up the banner. Nope. Glassy little patches with carbon deposits.

Keep in mind: I’ve predicted that this long war will increase in violence and pace for a long time. I’m on the money so far. If you’re of a mind, go get a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes and see just how this looks at home. Or read a newspaper from Orlando, Boston, San Berdoo….

Go for it, France. I’ll be cheering from the cheap seats.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Posted in Assault on Saint Agnes, evil, Jihad, terrorism, Uncategorized, violence | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

And Now, For Something Completely Different…

Many of you read the recent review of my friend Brandy Vallance‘s book, Within the Veil. I’ve known her for more than a year or three, and have had some great conversations with her on chat sessions, the phone, and in person. Not just brilliant, but lovely and funny as well. Every bit as cool as her books. Did I mention she wrote The Covered Deep?

For some reason she took pity on me and did an extended Google Hangouts livestream on Monday night. Monday was interesting, well, more like confusing. Let me detail it just a bit before I roll the video.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

The day started early with an appointment at the VA Hospital. Nothing bad, but it’s a drag over there. I came home and wrote for a while and then did the grocery thing. I knew my livestream was at 5:30, but I also had a concert to attend at 7:00 on the far side of the Twin Cities. Obviously I did what any author would do: I got there an hour and a half early, camped in Starbucks, and wrote until the video.

Monday was also a severe storm day in Minnesota. Consequently, about 8 minutes into the livestream my phone erupted with severe weather alerts, emergency texts about the weather, and texts that the concert was cancelled. My poor phone ceased functioning within seconds, as the nanny-state technology demanded that it take over the device to let me know it was going to storm. Really? I’ve lived here 50 of my years and I think I can tell when Dorothy and her dog are going to fly by in the twister.

I turned the phone off to clear it’s jammed sensors, got out my tablet (which won’t get bogged down with all of those alerts) and hooked in to the wifi. Brandy and I tried again. The result is 52 minutes of video that bogs a bit here and there but the audio is good. Best of all, you get to meet Brandy. She’s worth it by herself, but we also had a great conversation about writing and our pasts.

I hope you enjoy it. I know I did. By the way, drop by her Facebook page and hit the like button. Mine as well, since you’re over there already. Finally, to those of you who have read either of our books (three between us), please take a moment right now and review them on Amazon. We’re kind of begging. Yes, I’m that guy – the one who needs more reviews. They’re like crack, or chocolate chip cookies: never enough good ones.

Without further ado, the video.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Posted in canning, interviews, popular culture, Uncategorized, video, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on And Now, For Something Completely Different…

Wondering How I’m Doing? Didn’t Think So.

Periodically I figure I should give you some updates on how my life is going. Then I remember that’s pretty much all this blog is, and my sense of vanity diminishes just a bit.

Nonetheless, there are a few things that I’d like to cover so you can all return to watching Llamas with Hats on youtube.com. *(No, they are not worksafe, childsafe, or any kind of safe. They’re just plain twisted. And, pretty much guaranteed to offend almost all of you.)*

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

First, Assault on Saint Agnes update. The sales are building, the reviews slow on coming in (have you gone to Amazon and reviewed it yet? Please do it right now!) but the stuff authors live for is very rewarding. What do I mean? Here are two examples.

The first, a review from Rachel:

I would like to thank you for writing one of the best books I have read in a VERY long time. And yes I am an avid reader. I was sent your book because I had won it on Goodreads. You even took the time to autograph it for me.

I started it on Sunday (yesterday) and only stopped because I had to get some sleep last night. I just finished it this morning (at work) LOL.

I am really hoping you have more in works.

Scary thing about this book is that it actually could happen.

Thank you so much for giving me a day of pure reading enjoyment!! You have just acquired a new follower!!

Nice, eh?

So, next, a true story. I’d sold a copy to a coworker a few weeks back. Said coworker then went on vacation. On that vacation, his spouse had a terrible accident and was forced to undergo emergency surgery and a stay in the ICU. The whole time their future was hanging in the balance.

When I next saw the coworker and inquired about his wife, he profusely thanked me for having written Assault on Saint Agnes. Why? Seems that during the hours they spent waiting for his wife to come up for air after surgery he was able to distract himself with the book. It pulled him out of his current misery and let him escape to the world I’d created. “It was the break I needed to get by.”

Good enough for me. If I do nothing else with the book, having relieved that man’s burden for those harrowing hours is reward enough.

Stormy update:

The drugs are working. It’s the afternoon of Independence Day and she’s doing very well. A little Benadryl later and she’ll be fine. Much better than we’d ever hoped for. She even spent time laying on my chest while I watched a movie today. She now likes to snuggle. Finds comfort in the process. Yup, Prozac is helping.

Finally, sequel and other books update. They are moving forward. Big project, but getting it done. I’ll keep you posted.

As always, thanks for dropping by today. I value you all as my audience.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Posted in Assault on Saint Agnes, Stormy, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Wondering How I’m Doing? Didn’t Think So.