Things You See On Social Media

I know I’ve milked this cow before, but the past few days have been rife with moron – er, people not paying attention on several social media platforms I utilize. Given what a clever fellow I tell people I am, I feel obliged to share my insight – since it is deeply regarded by my front porch, where I do most of my heavy thinking. The chairs love my wit.

When someone posts that they’re having a bad day, it isn’t okay to inquire as to how their old dog with cancer is doing. While that may be the source of the bad day, it may just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

If you ask for a referral for a dentist, it is almost a given that within four posts someone will tell you why only members of the Nazi party vaccinate their children. This seems to be inevitable when medical issues come up for some reason.

If you tweet out your support of anything in the universe, someone will link it to your political viewpoint, and your post that “I sure love cotton candy” with the picture of your treat, quickly devolves into, “I hope you choke on that horrid GMO swill that Trump is forcing down our throats.” God forbid you develop a cavity from the cotton candy and need help in locating a dentist.

Only seriously hot women follow me on Instagram. I’m not making it up. I have more women showing me bikini clad bodies than you can even count. Same on Facebook. I become suspicious when “Candy” from Ohio is linked to an account in Ghana. But that might just be the Puritan in me that hates cotton candy…

If you belong to a closed page that has a “pinned” post saying that anything goes except racism and accusations of bestiality, why do you complain when someone says something off color, or posts a political thought you disagree with in some way? Best of all, when you announce (in your most petulant and whiny voice) that you’re offended and leaving the group, you’d best just go. Why? Because if you stick around hoping someone will beg you to stay, you’ll not only be sadly disappointed, but you’ll be deeply hurt by the mean things they say. I kind of live for those things – I find all sorts of cruel dialogue to use in my writing.

No picture posted is safe from mockery. If you put up a picture of your dog and ask what people think of the new hairdo, and someone compliments you on how beautiful your grandchild is, you asked for it in my opinion. Just post the picture and let it be. Asking for feedback is a bad idea for most.

Learn what a private message is and use it. Posting your phone number and email, and asking for Skippy to call you right away, opens you up to all the weirdos. I have a long list of phone numbers from being observant!

Regarding the one above, I belong to several different groups (audio book, Santa, actors) where they will put up a post and ask for a private message if you’re interested. It doesn’t even take 4 posts for that to go south in a couple of the groups, especially the ones for Santa. Here is the typical post/exchange:

WANTED: Santa for Edina, Minnesota, December 8th at 3 p.m. Must have traditional red suit for photos with a group of professional gandy dancers. Pay is negotiable, but event is only 1 hour long so probably under $250.
Comment 1: “I don’t have a red suit, but I could be there at 7 p.m. if it’s okay.”
Comment 2: “I live in Miami, Florida. Why don’t you ever post jobs in my area?”
Comment 3: “Those people in Edina are all rotten. I won’t work with vermin like that, and you need to remove me from this group for even offering that kind of work.”
Comment 4: The job has been filled. Thank you all.
Comment 5: (six weeks later, the day of the event at about 1 p.m.) “Is that job still open? I live in Iowa but I’ll drive if they’ll pay for my room and gas.”

Bologna cake. I’m not sure where that abomination came from, but people post it regularly and treat it as new. I’m kind of a human garbage disposal, and I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot-pole. I know it’s not a dessert. I know it’s supposed to be an appetizer. Ain’t never seen it until a few years ago. If you Google the thing, you’ll see it’s the same cake in all but one of the pictures. I’m calling shenanigans.

Satan’s snack

Last, and certainly least, is the posting of clearly fake news. Some things are bordering on the credible, but being in several different groupings of people, I see stuff from all over the spectrum. Most of it just makes me sad that people are that deluded. But the ones that really drop my opinion of a person include “All those (blank) people are commies/nazis/baby-killers” etc. It reveals something sick in the soul. It’s especially surprising when I’m one of the nazi/babykiller/communists that they’re talking about. I guess they forgot I was their friend when they posted it.

Having said that, I have to get back to Facebook. It appears we may be close to solving the issue of transgender illegal aliens this afternoon.

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