It’s A Man’s Mall.

This is where I was at 0518 this morning.

The line forms here.

The line forms here.

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It was Orange Friday at Mill’s Fleet Farm. Also known as “The Man’s Mall.” At 0600 they were poised to give away free blaze orange hats to the first 500 in line and gift card scratch off tickets to the first 700. I like free stuff. I love Fleet Farm. I was out anyway since it was right after work.

The line wasn’t bad when I arrived. I was about 150 out on my side of the door, an equivalent line stretched the other direction. By the time they opened the doors (in 21 degree weather) the line was about 1,000 people or more between the two sides.

I got the hat, I got a scratch off that didn’t win. And then I did what every guy does (except those rare birds who like to shop- and I don’t think any read this blog) and I gathered what I needed and blew the pop stand.

Yes, a toilet valve, chocolate covered peanuts, and a 32 ounce summer sausage.

Just the basics.

Just the basics.

That’s how guys shop. Real men don’t walk around touching clothes. I almost bought a couple of pairs of work jeans while I was there, but the last batch still have some life in them. I chuck them when the seams split but not a second earlier. I guess it’s ok to fondle power tools in aisle 19 if you have an urge to check the texture of the casing – and maybe check an axe for sharpness. If there’s spare canning supplies on sale you can grab those as well. But nothing else. You should already be stocked up on ammo so no need to go down there today. (If I’d won the gift card there was a pistol I had my eye on, but since I didn’t win…)

So that’s it. A man’s shopping expedition. Doors opened at 0600. I was on the road again at 0621. And that’s how it should be.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to wish my Marine friends an early Happy Birthday. Semper Fi, my friends.

I'll wish you a Happy Birthday and you'll like it!

I’ll wish you a Happy Birthday and you’ll like it!



It’s A Man’s Mall. — 2 Comments

  1. You’re just too funny Joe! you crack me up. And Chad is on the same page as you regarding the jeans!!
    And yes, I will continue to fondle fuzzy cute sweatshirts! Just cuz I can!!

  2. Well, there would have been a few raised brows (at least both of mine, which, though my wife, and other unkind souls, call a “uni-brow,” I can assure you, is really TWO, connected by an overly-eager area of hirsutedness) if you were to approach me for a background check to purchase that pistol, considering your other purchases already in hand.

    I could easily see Adam & Jamie, and assuredly McGyver, turning that “innocent” little ensemble into a time-delayed, trip-triggered,smoked sausage-fueled, chocolate-covered peanut-projectile splatter gun. I shudder to think where something like that might be put into action.