And this is one of those times.
This will be one of those posts where experts will poo-poo my amateur approach and those suffering themselves, or with loved ones who suffer, taking note of my writing and shedding a tear.
Whether or not you are willing to admit it you have someone in your life that suffers from serious mental health issues. It may be you, your husband, your sister, your aunt, your boss, your coworker, your best friend in the church choir, or just that nice man who bakes the croissants at the bakery and always smiles when you come in to get a few.
Human beings are very fragile. We break from falling on the ice, we don’t tolerate automobile accidents very well, and our minds are the same. Some things just break them no matter how strong we are in this life.
I have been blessed to be tough both physically and mentally. As I age both are on the down-slope but I’m still bigger than the average bear and tough in ways that most people never were in their lives. Especially mentally.
People that have known me for years will probably laugh derisively at that last statement. They’ll wonder if my bad temper and my foul mouth aren’t signs of mental illness. They might wonder about some of the twisted thoughts I’ve expressed over the past five decades as well.
In response I’d have to say that the temper and foul mouth are partly my fault and partly a product of my environment growing up. I won’t make any excuse for them continuing but I don’t hit people. Yes, I vent. Probably shouldn’t but I do. As to the twisted thoughts… that’s probably what makes me a fairly good author – thinking outside the box. I’ve never done any of the really crazy stuff I’ve talked about or written about but just being able to express those thoughts helps me to expand my universe.
What I am talking about is my ability to deal with the truly ugly things in life without succumbing to depression, substance abuse, or suicide. I don’t need to self-medicate. I haven’t been on any prescriptions for any of my bad days. And my bad days are really more like bad minutes. Even when Maisie died I got out of bed the next day and went to work. I was sad, but it was not the focus of my world. In short, I am not prone to serious psychiatric problems. And I truly thank God for that each time the thought occurs to me.
What about the others? The one who live in that dark place 24×7? I know about that place, have loved ones and friends who live there. The ones who cannot get out of the door because the world beyond the living room is too dangerous and frightening. The ones who hear voices – and the voices take time to detail every failure and flaw in them each time they speak. The voices that encourage them to kill themselves and make it easier for the ones left behind. A falsehood that I know comes right from Satan. Suicide makes nothing better for the ones left behind. It leaves a wake of tragedy and loss that can never be completely healed.
And there are others with mental health problems. The ones who seem perfectly normal until the conversation derails and goes off on some freakish tangent. That conversation where you stop for a moment and wonder, “What are we talking about? Did I black out for a minute?” Nope, you’re just fine. But that lovely person whom you’ve known and loved for all these years is not quite right. They understand what they’re talking about. The internal monologue they are having filled in all the blanks that you couldn’t. They aren’t dangerous, they aren’t mean, they’re just not on the wavelength where most of us live our lives.
And while it’s a horrible thing for the people who are depressed, suicidal, delusional, or simply confused it’s often even harder on their family and friends. Because if you love that person you cannot walk away. The “crazies” on the street who button-hole you and want to talk about “George Wallace actually being a Catholic Nun” can be ignored. (That was one of the first conversations I ever had with a street person. I was 16 years old and it was at the Greyhound depot in Minneapolis. I remember it vividly.) You can just walk on by and go your way.
But if you have a wedding ring and they’re your spouse that’s not possible. I was privy to a conversation recently where two of the people involved had spouses with serious mental health issues. Both had been married for a long period of time and both truly loved their spouse. The pain and effort of sustaining those relationships was showing on both of their faces. As the conversation grew in length I was amazed at the common experiences they had in their married lives. One was a man and one a woman – both talked about how they’d faced the loss of their partner through suicide attempts and had taken time to plan the funeral that they would hopefully never have to witness. How they’d thought about what would happen to them in the wake of that tragedy. How they’d come home at night and when the house was quiet gone looking for the body of their loved one, sure that they’d killed themselves. It was just so matter of fact – because for them it was a fact.
And they discussed how difficult it was to deal with the raft of other issues that their spouse had brought to the table. Both had common experiences. Just like Pancreatic Cancer manifests itself in similar ways in most patients, mental health problems like major depression look very similar in people of the same age and background.
Both of them also had a weary sadness and sense of hopelessness about them. They’d both been through so much. They’d both been there for their ill spouse for decades and made sure that they were at the doctor when they needed to be seen, had been the cheerleader during the dark times, and sometimes simply held the other’s hand to let them know they were loved. One of the two had been in pain from the mental abuse dished out by their spouse when they were on the bottom of the cycle. It was palpable.
Yet neither one of them cried. It was just a frank discussion of what life was like. And it’s a conversation I imagine takes place millions of times each week around the country. Today the conversation is with you, my reader.
I would ask that you take a few minutes right now and think about your circle of friends and family. Think about who among them might have mental health problems, or be taking care of that person. And take time to pray for them. Take time to reach out to them and let them know you love them. Let them know you are there for them. Just a simple invitation to have a cup of coffee or go to a movie means more to them than you can imagine.
I’m not asking you to be the therapist they need. They may have one of those already. I’m asking you to reach out to them like Jesus would if he were walking next to them. That simple, kind word that you express may lift the burden for just long enough to get them through the current crisis. The chance to talk to someone and get outside of themselves for a while is an amazing tonic. And it applies equally to the person with the illness and the caretaker.
We stigmatize the mentally ill by our careful avoidance of the topic. It’s an illness just like cancer, diabetes, or gout. On rare occasions it’s brought on by the person’s actions (severe chemical or alcohol abuse) but that’s often transitory. In most people it can be treated medically. But it is an illness. Let’s treat them with the kindness that is required.
What will you do today to reach out to the caregiver of a mentally ill person? Will you take the time to let your friend with depression know that you are available to just hang out with them? To take a walk, watch a movie? And will you leave a comment for me if you need someone to pray for you in your struggle with mental illness. Either as a care giver or as a victim of the illness. I’d be glad to do it, and the comment will not be published if you merely indicate that it’s private.
No keyword bingo today. Just a request that you contemplate what I’ve written and act on it in your own life.
Today is a day of rest, just like yesterday. I spent some time with my friend Steve in ICU. Yes, he still really needs those prayers. Going on into the third week of his hospitalization. And don’t forget his wife, Holly. Both can use that bounce from a bunch of prayers.
I didn’t really take yesterday off. I spent part of it getting my book in the mail and off to an agent. Yes, someone really wants to read it. In this case, read it again now that it’s had a year to get edited. I did not waste time during that year, the book is much better. But since it’s entered in two major contests and blabbing about the title might prejudice judges, etc., I’ll just call it the book. I’m pretty tickled that the agent wanted to take a second look. I think they’ll be pleased.
I may have written about my dogs and the deposits on the rug. Found a solution to that, one gets incarcerated at night and the other uses a giant square of “pee-pads” designed for puppies. He’s at the other end of the life cycle but what the heck, the old boy just can’t hold it some times. The problem is he sleeps on the mats and if she’s out and about she won’t do her business on him but elects the rug next to him. Keeping her locked up at night in one of our rooms or the vari-kennel seems the best solution.
But for a few nights Edzell threw us a curve. He decided to go on a Barf-a-thon. And he did it next to the pads.
I don’t know whether to weep or laugh. Either way I’ve spent more time on my knees cleaning up dog yak than praying this week. Need to change that A.S.A.P.
I do have some real posts later on in the week (mine just started, work Wednesday to Wednesday) but I’m just not up to anything too heavy today and they are all fairly weighty posts. Need some time to cogitate on them before I throw them on the web.
In the meantime, here’s a chicken dish from work last night.
Missing only tortillas.
In the glorious slow cooker liner (a.k.a. crock pot condom)
Take 24 drumsticks, 1 sliced lemon, 1 sliced lime, 1 large jar of hot salsa, one can of corn, one can of black beans, and throw them in a crock pot for 6 hours on high.
Shake the chicken off the bones and mix it all up with just enough brown instant rice to soak up any excess moisture. Serve it with corn tortillas and the usual suspects like sour cream, cheese, tomatoes, etc. Serious eating. The midnight shift always does it up right.
The best part? We use crock pot condoms – the manufacturer calls them slow-cooker liners. We like our term better. Just put a little water in the stoneware pot and the insert the liner. Cleanup consists of cleaning the lid and chucking the liner. If you were so inclined you could put the lid inside of another one and then do no cleanup at all.
I hope you have a wonderful day today and your dogs hit the pads every time. What in your life is as bad as a dog with poor aim? And what is as good as crock pot chicken tacos?
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Today’s keyword bingo phrase: Argentine Pope Remember – the keyword of the day is strictly a traffic tool and has nothing to do with content here. Unless it does.
I went to the funeral of a man I’d never met recently. I went to honor an honorable man. It was his son, a man I’ve known for almost 20 years. A man who personifies honor in my scheme of things. And because he is honorable I chose to go to his father’s funeral as a way of showing my respect. It is what honorable men do for each other.
In the United States we spend too much time honoring/worshipping people of no honor. Musicians, actors, authors, politicians, and other assorted vermin who occupy the public spotlight. Not that all of the people in that group are vermin, but a great number of them will not be joining in the weekly bingo game in Heaven. Can you think of a single thing to recommend Paris Hilton besides her proclivity for seeking the limelight? Most celebrities have the moral code and ethical behavior of cockroaches. The difference is that they run toward the lights and not away from them. Flashes from cameras seem to attract them.
We’ve become so distracted by the celebrity culture that we fail to pay attention to those that truly are heroes in our lives. The father of three who keeps the family together after his wife is killed in an accident. The loving wife who takes care of her elderly husband in the last stages of his dementia. The firefighter who rushes into the burning building to save someone despite the ominous trembling of the wall. The sailor who stands watch and pays attention, knowing the rest of the crew depends on his knowledge and skill.
Back to my friend: he works hard, he’s served his country and retired from the Marine Corps as a Lieutenant Colonel. I know his value system. I know he’s the guy right next to me as we rush into the burning building to look for survivors. I know that he’d help me take down an active shooter without a second thought. He has courage, good values, piety, belief in God, and one heck of a twisted sense of humor. And that’s why I went to the funeral. It is my strong belief that if we don’t honor and stand by those who are honorable we will find that the ones without honor, those who degrade our humanity, and cheapen our lives, will triumph and be ascendent. And once they have the heights and we are in the valleys the end of days will come. It seems closer all the time. I’m going to try and push back against it for as long as I can. And being there for my friend was a part of that.
How many times this week have you wasted time reading about Kim Kardashian? Did you spend a few minutes checking out the sad death of Mindy McCready? How much time did you spend praying for the good people in your life and thanking God that he’s put them there? How will you tackle that balance of time now that I’ve pointed it out to you?
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Today’s keyword bingo entrant (just to drive statistics) is Hugo Chavez. A man with no visible honor.
I first posted the item below in October of 2012. I stand by it today. Nothing has changed. If anything, the absolute contempt for us that the White House has shown is even more profound and disgusting than what I originally saw. They think we’re serfs that need to be contained in our little ghetto and not let out where the intelligent people (them) would be bothered.
They’re just warming up. Keep an eye on the facts and you will see that Orwell wasn’t but a few decades off in his timeline.
The post is unedited from that day. We must continue to demand answers. We won’t get them but it will give us time to prepare. And two final thoughts – where are the 27 people evacuated from Libya that night, and why haven’t they been brought to testify in front of the American people? And to you, Mrs. Clinton, yes, it does matter. It matters a lot.
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This blog entry will be a controversial one. If you would like the perspective of someone who was once acknowledged to be an expert on the Middle East about what happened in Benghazi, please read on. It will open your eyes. If you do not want to know the truth about what the administration is doing, move on to next week’s entry on Wednesday and skip this one. This entry will be up for one week and one day. Right through the election. If you like what you see, repost this on Facebook, your blog, any social media and tweet the heck out of it. I know some of my fellow Arab linguist patriots are posting similar things in a variety of places today and throughout the week. This is not Republican versus Democrat. This is right and wrong.
29 years ago I took an oath to protect and defend the constitution of the United States of America as an enlisted man in the United States Navy. I hold that oath sacred. I still feel that obligation, and I am duty bound to honor my commitment.
In the Navy I served as a Cryptologic Technician Interpretive. I held a Top Secret SCI/SBI clearance and had access to a wide variety of intelligence sources and methods. I was an Arabic linguist, an intelligence collector and analyst for the Middle East North Africa area. I was one of those “real time” guys that Leon Panetta is telling lies about today. I was there, in person, on the very edge of the sword. Among other things, I spent a month cruising back and forth along the famous “Line of Death” exercising freedom of the seas. Our purpose was to take the first missile if Qadaffi came back out to sea after the attacks of 1986. We were bait. But I knew the fleet was over the horizon waiting to aid us if we were attacked. I was back again a year later with the U.S.S. Coral Sea when we almost went to war with Libya again. I’ve been there and done that other times as well.
I have not maintained my language at the same level, but I still speak pretty fair Arabic. I have followed that part of the world for the entire time I was in college at the University of Minnesota, serving in the Navy, and in all the years since. I thus have presented my bonafides of over 30 years’ study of the cultures, language, military forces, religious groups, terrorist groups, and the general political scene in that area.
I will not disclose classified information on this blog. You’d literally have to torture me (and most of my contemporaries) to get that information. But unlike the people who are still in the intelligence community and must obey the orders of those above them, or face prison time, I am no longer bound to be loyal to anything other than the Constitution of the United States of America. I have no knowledge of the current force posture in the area, nor what units of the military are presently engaged in overt or covert activity in the area.
With that in mind I can state, without reservation, doubt, or hesitation that Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Susan Rice, and Leon Panetta have lied to the American public about the events in Benghazi. I know for a fact, not a supposition, that when that first message went out that the consulate was under attack it was given to the President within 10 minutes. I know this because I once had the authority and the burden of writing and verifying this kind of alert. There was no stopping it between me and the President once I pulled the trigger and the officer in charge of my detachment authorized it to go out. I would live or die by the results of that product and would face jail time if it was maliciously sent. It was an automatic wake up call to the President and the chain of command.
It also set in motion a series of events that would focus the might of the American military and intelligence communities on the fight in progress and the fate of the people on the ground in Benghazi. If Obama chose to ignore it or not take the message, the burden still falls on him. He would have gotten the message before the conclusion of the working day in Washington D.C. He was not awakened in the middle of the night with a message that might have been misinterpreted. This is inviolable fact.
This administration left those men in Libya to die. They abandoned Americans to a savage group of terrorists who attacked them for over 6 hours. They bravely held out hoping for the relief they deserved, and which was undoubtedly available, and killed dozens of the murderous thugs before they fell in defense of this nation. They were sacrificed on the altar of political expediency. Barack Obama did not want a major terrorist incident to be on the record just before the election.
Let me now segue to the fact that we undoubtedly could have responded militarily to the attack. Special Forces were available. Jets were available. Perhaps armed drones or AC-130 Spectre gunships. How do I know that? The administration itself has discussed some of it in testimony before congress. Some of it is open source. And some of it I have personal knowledge of. Sadly, the intelligence and military communities have been forced to leak the information because the President has chosen to lie about what happened. For the first time in my life I’m in favor of people leaking classified information. This is a constitutional crisis.
Would relief forces have made it in time? Possibly not. But we didn’t even try. Our people were ordered to stand down. This is the same as if you called the fire department about a grease fire in your kitchen, and they did not to respond because there was a chance your house would burn down anyway, and we shouldn’t risk any firefighters just in case. You and your family died and the neighbors watched and wondered if they’d get a better response when their time came.
In my time in the military I did some outrageous, dangerous, and “spooky” things. Things you will never know the details of in my lifetime. But I can honestly say that I never doubted for a single moment that if it hit the fan and my unit fell under attack President Reagan would send in the cavalry. No. Doubt. Whatsoever. This President has proven he does not uphold that commitment to the people who serve under him. He has lost the faith of his forces and abdicated his role as Commander in Chief. He is a disgrace, a liar, and a despicable blotch on the presidency.
If I had been on a ship, on shore, anywhere, and Americans needed my help I would have picked up the nearest gun and run toward the sound of the firing. That’s what our military does. There are contingency plans for almost everything. I used to help write them. And when there is no plan you rely on excellent training and equipment in the hands of rough men standing on the walls.
I was on 4-hour alert for a long time. I left my home, my wife, my freaking wet laundry in the basket to hop on a plane and go when the alert came in. There often was no destination, just “head that-a-way and be ready.” No brag, just fact. The military’s job is to kill people and break things. And when you attack our people the head of steam goes to full pressure immediately. We were ready to rock. I’m sure that hasn’t changed one bit today. Barack Obama chose not to aid Americans under attack. He had the option and didn’t exercise it in defense of our diplomatic and security people.
Our force posture is more inclined to make that kind of thing happen today than it was 30 years ago. We didn’t try this time and since he likes all the stuff that goes with the office, being Commander in Chief means you hold the bag when the firing is done.
Only a Coward would try to pin this on the military or the intelligence community. They cannot argue publicly. They cannot legally disclose the classified facts. They have to remain silent. They follow orders. The order clearly wasn’t given to do the right thing. And the next day, with smoke still curling from the ruins of the Benghazi complex, and Ambassador Steven’s body approaching room temperature, Barack Obama headed to Las Vegas to do a campaign stop. His reelection was more important to him than his job as President of the United States of America.
My disgust and contempt is even further deepened in that they stood there and played pious when the coffins came home. Joe Biden utters crude “just a guy” comments to the father of a dead hero. He’s not funny, he’s a disgrace. It’s quite possible that Mr. Biden is a worse blotch than Barack Obama. Biden is a proven liar and plagiarist. Merely Google why he left the presidential race in 1988 and you have all the answers you need concerning his veracity.
They sent Susan Rice out to lie to the television shows about a video causing the attack. Hogwash. This was no angry mob that decided to register mortars in advance just in case they lost control. Ask anyone who’s worked with artillery or mortar units about how that works in an urban area. That is something you plan well in advance. This was a coordinated attack on my country. Consulates and embassies are American Soil. This was no different than if they had come after New York. Remember 9-11? They obviously did, they timed this attack for that date to send us a message. The crowds write Allah Akbhar on the walls, not “we don’t like the video.” And the writing is in the blood of our slain ambassador. They cheer for the downfall of our nation.
Leon Panetta said that that we couldn’t send forces in without real time intelligence. Trust me; we knew exactly what was happening every second of that assault. He is lying. Obama chose not to support our people and let them die. I don’t know all the resources available, but it was undoubtedly an incredible stream of top rate intelligence, including an open line with the man in the security center in Benghazi. And drone footage. And you can bet your bottom dollar that every spook in the universe turned their gaze and ears upon that scene and watched and listened closely.
Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Joe Biden all emphasized the terrible video and how we didn’t have anything to do with it. They even pressured local authorities to lock up the film maker until after the elections as a further cover-up to their story. Obama went to the United Nations and 6 times mentioned the “awful” video. Not once did he call for justice for an attack on American soil.
I have thought long and hard about writing this post. I cannot remain silent. Obama must go. He is disloyal to the people under him. The decision to respond had to come from him. Nobody else could have made that decision. If he gave the ball to someone else, he’s still responsible for the outcome. But he was packing for Vegas.
I will be candid in stating that I have been suspicious of his intentions since he entered the race 5 years ago. I do not like his policies. I do not like his performance in office. But I have remained silent so as not to alienate my readers and potential customers when I publish my books. But I could not look in the mirror tomorrow if I did not speak today.
This is not an indictment of him for anything else but Benghazi. And the horrible, putrid lies and cover-up that have followed. You must decide who to vote for next Tuesday. Don’t’ let your prejudice against Mitt Romney’s business past color your voting against Barack Obama. Do not buy into the media hype. They are complicit in this cover-up. Barack Obama is a man who abandoned American soil to terrorists. A man who lied about trying to rescue our people. A failed president who has continued to lie and avoid questions in the intervening 6 weeks. He is a man without integrity.
November 6th we need a new start in this country. If this is the last time you ever read a word that I write, it will still be worth it to me. I do not speak only for myself. Many of us who served in the intelligence world are furious about what has happened. The message sent around the world is that if you can surprise us you can walk away from it without swift punishment. Even if they managed to kill the man who pushed open the gate of that consulate tomorrow morning it would still embolden the people who wish to hurt our nation. We have had nothing but lies and dishonesty from our President. The terrorists know the truth and they are laughing at us.
Barack Obama has failed in his duty as President. Please vote Tuesday to remove him from the office he has shamed. Mitt Romney is not perfect, but he hasn’t abandoned the men and women below him to die on foreign soil while he attends a party.
