Fear The Walking Dead Needs A Bolt To The Forehead. I Didn’t Realize The Title Was About The Acting.


I like zombies. I am partially responsible for Amish Zombies from Space (So Kerry said before publication – I was getting the blame if it failed. All because I said, “Any idiot can do Amish Vampires. Show me some zombies and…)

The fact is, I looked forward to Fear The Walking Dead the minute it was revealed. Now I pray that it ends in the season finale with a nuke that takes out the whole cast.

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I will never be mistaken for Al Pacino in my acting. I’m okay with a one-liner, being Santa, even the “angry guy.” But not a real actor in that sense. I now realize that I missed out by not bugging my agent to get me into the casting room for this series. I can see the casting call specs:

Wooden personalities are a must. If you cannot portray a stereotype, don’t come to the audition. We desire that each cast member be able to mumble dialogue and give a perplexed look on command. We do require one Latino good guy, one Latino bad guy. All other characters are open to ethnicity. Women must either be very hot or die early on. No prudes, we’ll be doing our best to titillate.

For the love of all that is drama, could we just not do this any more? I was rooting for a main character to fire a sniper rifle in the last episode. The way he held it it would have torn his eye out and dislocated his shoulder. That means he dies. That means he comes back as a zombie. Excellent. One down. Sadly the psychopath military officer (I noticed the army advertised during this hour – bet that won’t happen again) shamed him down and snuffed the zombie.

Everyone in this deserves to die. Weapons handling is badly done. The soldiers couldn’t spot a Peterbilt sneaking up on them with its jake-brakes flapping. Did I mention the psychopath barber who tortures the young soldier? Or the simpleminded teenagers?

I also want to know where the Army got all those miles of fencing and put them up in the time frame of the story? They must have imported them from the former East Germany. Goodness, it would cost a lot of money and take months…. duh.

Power – how handy that the locals get rationed light at their homes. And abandoned buildings in the “dead zone.” Uh, I think the utility can cut that grid out and save a lot on the load.

I do like the unit patches on the soldiers. National Guard, notionally, yet they have combat patches from established units. This group of “babies” as they are called by the nutso Lieutenant in charge. It’s clear they are not combat vets – so what the heck is with the 10th Mountain patch?


Tonight I will sleep knowing that AMC will pull the plug on this or retool it. The original Walking Dead is fun. Fear The Walking Dead is just tedious.

Bleh. It gets 2 out of 5 stars. But only because one of the cast, Elizabeth Rodriguez, was in Orange Is The New Black. That’s it.

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