Well, That Was A Month Shot To Hades And Back

I’ve been really good about keeping the tank full on this thing for the last 12 years. I think. It’s been over a decade. 

January 2022 was the month it all fell apart. I feel I owe you all an explanation of why. I probably don’t, but if you’re reading this you get all the inside dope.

First, some snark: If you are at an intersection and are more than 3 feet from the car in front of you, I know that either you were texting, or you’re a moron who thinks you might get Chinese Virus from getting too close. Uh, what about the car next to you? Yeah, lateral dispersion. This has come to my attention lately since I’ve been driving into to town almost every day for 3 months +. Not only do the local drivers drive like maniacs, pass on the double yellow, and ride the bumper (it looks like their being towed) of the vehicle in front of them, but since they’re texting they get to the stop light and stop 2-3 car lengths behind the car in front. It’s more than moderately annoying, it means that if you’re trying to get to the turn lane and you’re more than 4 cars from the light, there’s a great chance that two of these “gappers” have now blocked your chance. 

I checked with the State Police, and it is not a lawful remedy to fire warning shots to encourage them to pull up. Oh, well.

In light of the last paragraph, I have not been locked up against my will in any sort of institution. Instead, I had the worst case of flu (influenza, not the Chinese bioweapon that is making the world needlessly tremble) that I’ve experienced since the 1980’s on ship when they jabbed us all and I was deathly ill two different years out of 3 in the Navy. 

This hit me like a bus. Chills, sweats, no fever that I could detect, cough, some sniffles, body aches, and fatigue. Not just “weary” but sleep 14 hours exhausted. I barely managed to do the minimum stuff I had to to get by. I did no recording for a month, no blogs. I sat on the couch and read. I took naps. If you know me, naps ain’t my thing. I was so sick that Chewy slept next to me several days. He complains that I kick my feet and break wind when I sleep. True. But he’s a darned fine nurse and he knew I needed his comfort.

Once I’d finally put the flu behind me, and was in day two of resuming my training for next week’s 1/2 marathon (yeah, I didn’t train for a month. Remember, I was doing great to get out of bed) I managed to give myself food poisoning. I figured out that it wasn’t the church pot luck, but a brick of cream cheese on a bagel. Huh? Well, also during the month of january I lost about 20 pounds. I had no appetite. Food wasn’t nauseating, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat much. I would guess that average daily calorie consumption was under 600 most days. Those were the days I forced down a Clif bar for breakfast. That was often it for the day. As a result, that brick of spread went south and took me along with it for about 12 hours of “unhappy decorating” as I think of it.

Mind you, the jeans I bought just before the Chinese bioweapon attack once again fit me well. But what a price to pay: a month of lassitude.

I’m feeling much better, but as an asthmatic I am coughing more than ever. That will pass based on experience. But the fatigue is still hanging on. For the first time in my later life I’m not feeling guilty when I eat cookies or candy: I need the calories. Today was probably about a 1100 calorie day. Big eating. 

The 1/2 marathon? I’m going to try it on Saturday. I will not be lugging the 35 pound ruck this time around. I’m glad that I trained (up until Christmas) with a heavy pack: it means I’m ready to at least wing it with a light harness just to carry fluids. I am also in possession of so many finisher medals for marathon style races that if I poop out at mile 9 I won’t be ashamed to take a ride to the finish. I’ve checked that box on the life list at least 20 times so I ain’t got nuttin to prove. 

Well, back to the couch. Chewy is waiting for me to rub his back and watch the tube. I’m good with that.

My apologies for the long absence. But dang, at least I look almost skinny.

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Joseph Courtemanche

About Joseph Courtemanche

I'm a conservative Christian author who's been happily married for over 30 years. I am a Veteran of the United States Navy, Naval Security Group. I speak a few languages, I have an absurd sense of humor and I'm proud to be an American.


Well, That Was A Month Shot To Hades And Back — 1 Comment

  1. Geez, Joseph. NO fun. The hard way to lose weight for sure. Just hope it doesn’t come back with a vengeance. Stay well and please don’t overdue the run after so much sick time. ‘K?