I Want My Winter. Now, Please.

In the run-up to Christmas every year, I pray for a bit of snow to set the scene. Few things in life are more miserable than schlepping around the Twin Cities in a Santa suit dodging torrential rains. Especially true at 40 degrees, knowing that a 10 degree temperature drop will immobilize the universe for two days. Snow, on the other hand, in small doses, is pretty. It helps business. It gets people in the mood for spending money on extravagant things like.. ME! And, if it’s in moderation, it means you can drive without a problem.

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It is now after Christmas. I need snow. About 20 inches would do nicely – we’re about that much short right now. I can handle it any day of the week. You see, I have just hit the “purchase” button on a brand-new pair of Fimbulvetr Tankr snowshoes. Now I need snow.

What, you might ask, does a guy with three pairs of snowshoes need another set for in this universe? The answer is simple: because I worked my backside off this past year, and this is my Christmas present to me. *(Besides, two of those pairs are military surplus and more of a lark than anything else, and the other pair is on life-support after 10 seasons.)*

Why the most expensive snowshoes on the market? The same reason I own some really expensive weapons: they’re worth it.

Every review is stellar. I’ve handled the other models in their line and been very impressed with the weight, the bindings (Moron Proof – which I need) are nifty, and the magic number 352. Yes, these bad-boys are designed to handle 352 pounds. I’ve never seen another shoe that could take that weight. I am no longer at that weight, but you add a pack full of water, food, a tent… well, you add a pack full of energy drinks and beef jerky- yeah, that sounds better – and a fair amount of winter gear, and you could hit that mark. More importantly, since I’m well under the weight, it means that I will float on the snow, not plunge to the bottom with every step.

These things had better be as cool as I anticipate, or I might start crying. I have been ogling them for a year, so this is not an impulse purchase. The price never goes down. Kind of like waiting for a model-year clearance on a Bugatti – won’t happen. I waited this long only because I wanted to spend some time finishing off the old pair and seeing if this amazing replacement got sold a bit cheaper at the end of last season. Well, the old pair survived with a minor bit of crampon sharpening, but they’re almost done if the bindings are any indication. The Tankr ain’t going on sale.

If you see a very happy looking Yetti marching around on puke-green snowshoes, it’s probably me. I promise some video once they arrive.

Two days business delivery free. Checked the box.

Now, we wait.
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Joseph Courtemanche

About Joseph Courtemanche

I'm a conservative Christian author who's been happily married for over 30 years. I am a Veteran of the United States Navy, Naval Security Group. I speak a few languages, I have an absurd sense of humor and I'm proud to be an American.
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