Broken Teeth From Grinding.

My regular readers will attest to the fact that I am not a grammar Nazi. I’m not even a grammar facist. I’m not sure I know enough to get in trouble with grammar.

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I am, however, an advertising fanatic. I watch/listen to commercials and grind my teeth to the point where real pain is a problem. Sometimes it’s just bad sentence constructs. Most often it’s really bad pronunciation. Today’s particular issue is the trend in advertising where you say something to get the attention of the listener and then tie your product in somehow. Without any logical link. Or, any common sense. I will demonstrate:

“You know, Dean, Colorado has more mountains than Belgium. That’s probably because our customers here at Moronco have more time to go skiing since we plow their driveways for them year round.”

I would give you the precise language of the two commercials (in heavy rotation) that have set me to the edge of violence, but they might sue me. If they were smart enough to realize they’d been insulted. I doubt they could do the math. (See how stupid that alone is?)

Let’s dissect the example for fun, eh? I’ll grant you that Colorado has more mountains than Belgium. I mean, Duh. But how in the name of Stormy’s barking fits, does that equate to being caused by snow plowing or skiing?

Is the author of the copy for the ad such a complete dimwit that they don’t understand linkage? Are they trying to get me to remember the name of the company? (It doesn’t work, I can’t remember them while I’m fuming about how stupid they are…) Or am I so pathetic that the smartest trend in advertising is losing me as a customer.

That must be it! I’m way more stupid than I ever realized. I guess that’s a part of being stupid. Whew, glad that revelation came along.

Now I can go back to planning my trip to the state fair. I have jam entered. You know, Minnesota produces more jam than Wisconsin produces movies about zombies. So we can all sing bass now.

Please, God, come soon. The dumbing down of my culture is almost complete.

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