Yippee, Skippee, You’re All Going Dippy.

I’ve been joking that since I’m eligible for Mad Cow disease due to my living in Europe in the 1980-1990 time period, that I’d like a Corona with my burger. 

Some have objected that it’s not funny to joke about such things. 

So, let’s have a reality check here at the blog.

All of you have risked your lives in innumerable ways that you discount because “it ain’t happened yet.” Examples would be driving your car, walking in a crosswalk, eating at a restaurant, eating your grandmother’s pumpkin pie (that one’s an inside joke for my family – quite an ambulance ride I took that day….), being in an airplane, using electricity, petting strange dogs, swimming in the ocean, being in a speedboat without a life jacket, walking across frozen lakes, and annoying the Chief – or his wife.

The point is that we all die from something. Now, should obese dudes with asthma purposely infect themselves with Corona? Nope. But I’m not going to hide in the basement at home and hope that none of the mail we get has been handled by a sick person. My employer has put us all on telecommute duty. I’ll have to stay home and work. Eh, it is what it is. But I’m not going to go nuts avoiding a virus that I’m taking reasonable measures to avoid. I’m home. I have food and water. I have no reason to wander about in the world right now.

I’ve had two viral illnesses in the last 35 years that laid me low. I survived them both. Both times I probably should have been hospitalized. But I was delirious, so I just lucked out and weathered the storm. I promise, Mom, that if I get really sick I will go to the doctor. 

In the meantime, my semi-hording instincts will do me well. I have a wealth of canned goods that we made ourselves, and with a few simple things picked up last week at the store I can do a month in solitary and probably still gain weight. This includes feeding my wife – she insists. Chewy has a big, new bag of dog food I bought a couple of weeks ago. He will never run out of dog biscuits, I buy six months worth when I buy any, and it was just two months ago when I last shopped. 

I have been banned from church at long last. Unfortunately, it’s not because they’ve caught on to me, but they’ve closed the doors for the time being. Okay. I’ve been asked to leave bars, but never a church. Hmmmm.

Well, back to contemplating the blessings in my life. I started to try and count up all the times I should have died earlier today and quit when I hit double digits. Real, actual things that could have killed me – like bullets, airplanes that made emergency landings, tornadoes, angry helicopters, people narrowly missing me in the crosswalk, etc. I guess it’s not my time yet. But if it is, it’s been a heck of a ride, and I know where I’ll wind up!

(And no, smarty pants, I don’t think I’ll need any ice cubes.)

In the meantime,  if you’d like a free audio book. I’m giving 100 away. Click this link and go like my Facebook author page. There’s a pinned post talking about free books. Put the comment there – it’s the one spot I will check regularly.


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