Yes, I Managed To Milk One More Whiny Winter Post Out Of The Blizzard

First, I’d like to explain my status today with a picture:

Pegged in the danger zone today.

Pegged in the danger zone today.

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I have some brilliant observations on human nature based on this last week’s blizzard in the upper tier of states. Mind you, it’s the same stuff I’ve said before, but perhaps with renewed vigor. The vigor comes from having Spring snatched out my hands.

There are two types of people in this world. I will break them down for you now.

There is the type who cleans their car off carefully, making sure that all lights are visible, windows clear, and snow removed from the roof of the vehicle and hood. These people seem to make it to their destination without major incident.

There is the other type, who jumps in the car, runs the wiper to clear a patch to look through (often the size of a dinner-plate), and heads out into the storm wearing their flip-flops and light jacket. They are invariably the moron blocking the intersection, spinning their bald tires and waiting for “someone” to help them.

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There is the type of person who shovels their sidewalk down to the concrete, and edge to edge. This person likely scrapes the snow back at an angle away from the edge of the sidewalk, so that as it melts, it doesn’t drop straight down and create ice. They do this because they want their family, the postal carrier, and random passers-by to be able to navigate without having to wade through 18 inches of snow, or fall on their keister and/or break a wrist on their sidewalk. They don’t do it because it’s the law, they do it because it’s the right thing to do after it snows. Every time it snows. They will seldom be heard to say, “It’s going to melt soon.” Because, in their heart, they know it might not.

There is the other type who either ignores the snow completely, or instead shovels down the sidewalk exactly 12 inches wide. This is because they, unlike responsible adults, have never bought a proper snow-shovel. They were not raised properly. They don’t care about anyone except making sure the city won’t give them a ticket. It would quite probably kill them to spread salt, or open the plug on the end of the block to the street. Nope, not their problem.

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There are people who may not wear their winter coat, but they accept the fact that they will be cold and miserable. They have it in their car, and it sits near the jumper cables.

There are other people who wear a t-shirt and don’t bring the coat. They head out in blizzards to hear the band at the bar and figure “someone” will take care of them if they run into trouble with their car. They are closely related to the frozen guy found in the Alps a few years back who changed how we think of Neanderthal diets.

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There are people who plan their speed and angle heading into a turn so that they wind up where they intend to go. It takes skill, planning, and some sound judgement.

There are other people who gun it into the corner to hop the snow bank, and wind up in the middle of the light-rail tracks, high-centered on the obstacles placed there to prevent said moron from driving on the tracks. Almost universally, they have bald tires, a pile of snow on the top of their car, and are wearing flip-flops.

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Finally, there are morons who head out in a raging blizzard in their best clothes to attend a friend’s major social event.

And there’s everybody else except me.

But it was worth it, and I didn’t have to use my jumper cables, or my coat, and I didn’t get stuck even once. The train missed me as well.

I don’t know if that was worth reading, but it sure felt good to say it.

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Joseph Courtemanche

About Joseph Courtemanche

I'm a conservative Christian author who's been happily married for over 30 years. I am a Veteran of the United States Navy, Naval Security Group. I speak a few languages, I have an absurd sense of humor and I'm proud to be an American.
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