Life Continues In Spite Of Now Being A Published Author.

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I’m thinking about asking for a refund on my package deal to be a famous author. Mind you, it’s early on, but I was sure there were more benefits to this and my life would be a much easier trek once I was available on Amazon.com.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Today was a great example. When I got up, I still had to brush my own teeth and turn the alarm off before putting Stormy out. I realized no coffee was waiting for me either, so I had to make that or go without.

The laundry? Well, just like for the last 31 years I had to do that myself. I had brought the first basket down on Sunday before the launch. It was still there in the basement waiting today when I went down to check on the books I’d purchased to autograph. (Yeah, you do go look once in a while to see if it’s real.)

It also seems that public officials are not impressed with publishing status. The city permit inspector had the gall to ask me to get a permit for my new fence. Didn’t he know? (I didn’t know. I thought that if it was under six feet it was no permit. Not in Saint Paul. Everything requires a permit.)

The people at the permit office had obviously heard of me, and thus expedited my application with a minimal fee and smiles. They knew who they were dealing with and acted accordingly. I think.

Stormy didn’t seem overly impressed, either. In fact, she demanded I take her to the beauty salon so her butt could be shaved for the warm months. I complied.

Last, but not least, I got a hilarious four star review from an anonymous reviewer. It took me thirty minutes to figure out who it was and laugh all over again. Protect the innocent with anonymity is well and good, but it would help my ratings if the Pop… well, better not name the person who did the review. Let’s just say I was flattered to get such a glowing review from someone I consider to be a superstar.

You see, or maybe not, how it goes. I’m living the Rodney Dangerfield experience and I was assured that it would all be roses from here on.

Come to think of it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is just what I wanted.

Thank you all for your part in this voyage. Most especially, thank you for taking the time to write the reviews. They are the most important thing you can do. If you read it, review it. I look forward to your input.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” *That’s a 4 star review!*  Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.

The First Day Of Release Was A Complete Blessing.

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Day one of my novel’s release was a complete blessing. I started the day off in a warm bed with a good roof. My loyal dog was guarding the door to my bedroom, keeping an eye on the joint. I had fresh donuts from P.J. Murphy’s, hot coffee, and a bit of fun watching a Ray Milland movie. I love Ray Milland.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

The contractor showed up on time and began work. I’m telling you folks, hiring a friend is always risky. But he’s an Armor Bearer at my church, a great guy, and there’ll be pictures when it’s all done.

Computer upgrades (bought a new one, souping it up before it goes live) went well, and my wife was at my side.

Throughout the day friends checked in. Other authors posted amazing reviews on Facebook, Twitter, and the various book sites.

My Amazon rankings went up by a factor of 10 in the space of one day.

I finished the day with my wife and three of our oldest friends. It was in honor of this good woman who has stood by me in this journey. A tough journey. A journey she helped edit and kibbitz on. A journey that included travelling to writer’s conferences and meetings where I hung out with a group of vital, beautiful, brainy women who write books. She allowed me to fly in two different bombers from WWII in order to research an upcoming book. And, most importantly, she sat quietly while I did the audio book. That, by the way, generally takes 5-6 takes of parts of it to get it right. Some chapters needed a lot of editing. And you have to play it back each time you change it to make sure it was all right and the sound levels were good.

My wife comforted me when anguish set in. Encouraged me when things were hard. Suggested better turns of phrase. Trusted me to be faithful when surrounded by the women mentioned above. Let me spend way more than I should have to fly around in 70 year old airplanes. And she turned off the horrible clicking noise on her tablet while I recorded my audio book (just kidding, dear).

She is the best. I love her dearly. I need her.

Finally, you kind of figure you’ll get a lot of reviews from your beta readers, your mom, and your friends. I also got one from a reader who heard about me on the Ace of Spades HQ blog. Never met the man. No reason he should be nice to me. His review blew me away. It is exactly what I hoped my book would do for a reader. I hit my target. I am blessed.

I am way ahead in this game due to God and my wife. The amazing review is posted below. Thank you, Robert Cairo – you made my day.

This novel had been recommended on the “Ace of Spades HQ” blog and decided to spring for a copy. I’m glad that I did; I found Courtemanche’s writing style to be clear and gripping. The hero of the story is Bobby Kurtz, a retired 50+ Cold Warrior with a “Santa Claus” physique who inadvertently foils a terrorist attack on the Catholic church, Saint Agnes. Kurtz ends up being recruited by Homeland Security due to his previous experience as Navy intelligence Arab linguist.

The novel mostly alternates between the viewpoints of Kurtz and one of the Muslim terrorist leaders, Hassan al Deen. The parts with Kurtz have the feel of a police procedural as Kurtz and his co-workers in Homeland Security try to locate the rest of the terrorist cell that attack Saint Agnes. The parts with Hassan are also interesting and give a picture into what motivates him. In the end, the good guys mostly win but the novel closes with a cliff-hanger and I hope we read more about Bobby Kurtz.

The author’s own military background shows through in the details; he is obviously a guy that has “been there and done that.” The characters are more than cardboard cut-outs and Courtemanche has a knack for painting a thumbnail sketch of a character’s background in a concise manner. There is some graphic violence but he doesn’t dwell on it.

The only thing that initially detracted from my enjoyment of the story were a number of coincidences that advanced the story. However, I came to conclusion that Courtemanche was showing the Hand of God at times by having the right people in the right place. Kurtz (and Courtemanche) are religious but the religious themes are dealt with lightly and from the perspective of a happy believer; however, you don’t need to be a believer to enjoy the novel.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” *That’s a 4 star review!*  Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.

Can’t Beat A Brownie. Or, “How I Keep Humble On Launch Day for Assault On Saint Agnes.”

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Assault on Saint Agnes goes live around the world today. Audio book is done, just waiting for Audible to post the links and put it up for sale. You’d think my head might swell a bit? Nah. The Church Ladies fixed that with chocolate and flour.

First Public Signing

First Public Signing

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Sunday, as it happens, was the first time I’d set up a table to autograph and sell books. I kid-you-not, my Pastor gave me a very rousing endorsement from the pulpit. I cannot thank him enough for his kind words and accolades.

The problem is, Sunday was also the church ladies bake sale.

I don’t know about the church you attend, but at my church you dare not compete for dollars with either barbecue or bakery. Those two trump everything else on the planet. I am a regular purchaser of said commodities myself. Both are sold to raise funds on a semi-annual basis. The people on the production end of both are beyond talented: they are the Da Vinci’s of cooking.

It was my misfortune to compete for spare income against the carrot cake and brownie assortment. I even left my own signing table and went to check out the goods!

In all fairness, I did sell a bunch of books. It was a good day for any author with a new book. I’m hoping that as you read this today, it will be a great day for this author on the virtual sales floor at Amazon.com.

While I’m hoping that you buy the book, I do promise not to turn this blog into nothing but a sales platform. Every post will have the usual shill for the book (in a different color so you can filter it out) but unless something happens regarding an award, or some sales goal I need help with, I will not write about it every day after this week. This week I need the numbers!

If you’ve read the book, I’d very much appreciate it if you’d go to Amazon.com and write a review. Do the same at Goodreads.com and barnesandnoble.com. It makes a gigantic difference in how the book shows up in sales search engines when you review it online. Your review is worth as much to me as what you paid for the book. Thus, I beseech you: review the book!

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Yes, Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.

Three Days To Launch.

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This will be an unusual post. Monday is the big day for Assault on Saint Agnes – it goes live on all sales channels. Including, hopefully, the audio book.

Today I want to give thanks. Next week I will shill with the best of them. Or, depending on your point of view, the worst of the lot.

Thank you, God, for giving me the ideas.

Thank you, Mom & Dad, for instilling the drive in me and giving me great genes for this task.

Thank you, Kip, for not killing me in my sleep at some point in the last few years. Edits, recording, contests, “issues” with people, and all the stress in the world. Plus interrupting you in your reading thousands of times to say, “Hey, got a minute?”

Thank you to all my friends for listening to my drivel and pondering for the last six years.

Thank you to my beta readers for your help in finding the good, and the bad, in the book and guiding me.

Thank you to contest judges for helping me find my voice in this industry.

Thank you to my publisher, Athanatos Ministries (in the person of Tony Horvath) for having faith in what I could do as an author – and recommending only changes that made the book better. That’s right – not one suggested change was rejected on my part.

Thank you to the readers of this blog for your following my exploits.

Thank you to all of my fellow authors, Facebook friends, and other certified lunatics I know for beating the drums next week and helping me promote this book.

Thank you to my sister, Jean, for all of her help in doing publicity and planning to make this a hit.

Thank you to all the people who have already bought the book – the number of early/presales has me a bit floored. I have evidently exceeded the immediate circle of friends and branched out into the real world!

Thank you to all the people who lit up like neon lights when I handed them their personal copy. You (there’s a few of you) have cheered me on for years and told people about me in such glowing terms that I know I’ll make it through the next gate. Friends like these are invaluable.

Thank you to all of those who will rush to Amazon.com, Goodreads.com, and Barnesandnoble.com on Monday to review the book. Many of you bought them at personal signing events the last few weeks. You are the paying customers that authors dream about. Each of those reviews is a testimony to your amazing generousity. I know you have other things to do, yet I know you will be there to do the review when the book goes live. You are a blessing. (Just remember to say you got it either in exchange for a fair and impartial review (if it was free), or purchased it at an early signing event if you paid for it!)

Finally, thank you, Stormy, for not scratching the last of the flesh off of my left leg while I wrote this book and edited it. I know the temptation was almost insurmountable. Now, want a cookie?

If you’re the type, I ask you to say some prayers for me this weekend. I need those more than book sales. But don’t put your credit card away just yet…

Monday. See you then.

Steal this picture for your Facebook post.

Steal this picture for your Facebook post.

That Cold Shower Was Bracing…

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The final days of getting ready to launch your book are like a marathon. A marathon obstacle course. With extra potholes. And sheep on the course. Rams, in specific – the ones with horns. That’s the last two weeks.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Today I was supposed to write this brilliant how-to on audio books. Actually, yesterday write, today publish. But that didn’t happen. I’m not sure if it’s because I fell over a week behind on audio book production due to the demolition next door. A demolition that took years to happen, and just happened to be done during the three weeks I’d budgeted to do the audio book.

Or, perhaps, it was that I spent time waiting for tow trucks and repairing my car.

Maybe it was the lack of hot water when the tankless-run-forever-water-heater went down and I had to go to work without a shower.

Perhaps it was the fact that my audio files were rejected for not meeting quality standards.

Yeah, probably that last one. I got a really generic email from the quality assurance engineer that told me that “the majority” of the files had a certain issue. Mind you, it’s an issue that should be very easy to fix. I’ve been doing this for a really long time.

So, last night, after a day at the day job that could only be described as Sysiphusian, I got home and fired up the system. I randomly reviewed the production files audibly, visually (great software to show the wave forms), and did it to both the system files and the finished MP3 files. Nada. No indication of the trouble they heard. Zilch.

I went to bed.And for the next hour I tossed and turned, thinking of all the things going wrong.

Around 1 I changed course. I started thanking God for all the stuff that was going right. The house with a roof. Enough food to make me fat. A wife who loves me and tolerates me. A dog that grows more affectionate each day. A job that pays well and keeps me out of the weather. A book that is starting to garner unbelievable reviews from readers and reviewers alike.

All the things He gives me each day. I counted them. And those sheep on the marathon obstacle course all started to step aside as I fell asleep.

This morning I rigged the water heater to work long enough for a shower. I’m sure I’ll be punished by the utility for that evil act. I made fresh coffee. I sent an email to the audio people to get more detailed answers. I can fix it if I know where to look.

What looked horrible, and kept me sleepless last night at midnight, is not so bad this morning. In fact, it’s nice and sunny outside and the day beckons.

I’ll do the audiobook post soon. But I have to get it right first.

I hope your day goes right.

(update – email from producer with specifics. I’m on it!)

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Yes, Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.