Commotion in the Pews | Thoughts and tirades that don't fit into any of my books. A collection of items of limited interest to anyone.

Another Train Wreck Of A Blog, But With Free Stuff!11!!11!

Posted on May 3, 2016 by Joseph Courtemanche

Today’s blog promotes Assault on Saint Agnes. It also talks about Stormy the Shetland Sheepdog. Hauling gravel, nice sales people, and Sidney Poitier are also included. At the very end we give some stuff away. Or, maybe that’s up front. I’m not sure any more. You have to read the thing to figure it out. Kind of random, no? Nothing new to the usual readers. But lots of new people are here this week. To all of you I bid welcome!

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

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Who am I kidding? Many of you are here because of the book. That means it’s time to give away some free stuff. Let’s start with the audio book giveaway.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

See? That was easy. I hope you buy the book. I hope you buy the audio book. I hope you like the Facebook page and follow me on Twitter. I hope a lot of things. I do know that someone will win those audio book files. Get cracking. (Yes, you do have to do something to win. It’s free only in that you don’t have to cough up cash. I’m sneaky that way.)

Now, on to the rest of this blog.

Last night we experienced another first at the house: Stormy hopped up and snuggled in for no reason at all. For new readers, Stormy is my rescue dog/beloved Sheltie. She’s about 11, has major anxiety issues, scared of anything loud, and wouldn’t come near me for a few months when we adopted her. (Quit laughing in the back. Yes, you the cryptologic types. I am a changed fellow and shouldn’t scare dogs anymore.)

Why is this a big deal? Because it means she’s getting closer to our goal of being totally relaxed around us. Her time spent hiding is down to almost nothing, and she returns to the room right away after most noises. If you’ve ever had an animal in your life who was abused/neglected, you will glow knowing how good it feels for them to feel safe. Hopping on my bed, unnoticed, without any thunderstorm activity is a huge deal. It feels like we’re almost there…

Sidney Poitier. Just watched an old movie, A Patch of Blue. Once again, I marvel at his amazing skills on camera. Handsome, articulate, great facial expressions – the whole package. What a pleasure to watch.

Sunday I had major errands to run, including obtaining some sound-proofing material for the room in which I record. Not only was the sales clerk at Home Depot a nice young woman, but she aimed me right at the place to buy my room dividers. (A blanket thrown over the top allows me to muffle the sound from the street when I record. Way cheaper than building temporary walls.)

Off I went to At Home. Wowsers. More stuff than I’d ever want to look at, but they had almost a dozen room dividers to look at. (Yeah, I know …. don’t end a sentence…) Good prices. Best of all, the Svengali at the checkout somehow knew I was a veteran. (The Casper Society ballcap was a giveaway.) She gave me a very nice 10% discount.

Finally, gravel. With the destruction of the house next door I was forced to put up a privacy fence. That meant either I’d have to weed whip it for the next ten years, or put a gravel base around it. Since the demolition had scrabbed away my lawn on that side of the house, the area for the gravel was already there for us to use. When I say “us” I mean my friend who did 99% of the work. It looks great. Kind of. Dang it, we were at least a cubic yard short.

Today I went to Leitner’s, my local spot for all things garden/rock/cement/paver. Not only did they steer me to the right way to get the gravel, but they gave me a good price on the delivery. And showed up within the 1/2 hour with it on the truck.

Today (Tuesday) I will be the fat, sweaty guy in the yard moving rock. Some said, in my younger years, that I was destined to work breaking rocks. This is as close as I plan to get. Now, get yourself over to that rafflecopter.com thingie and get yourself an audio book for free.

What? You can’t stand my voice? I guess you’d better just settle for the Kindle version give way. That’s right here See, I know you too well. Please do me a favor and share that link with everyone you know in the universe. Or, possibly on Facebook. It’s a random drawing by Amazon.com and they award prizes to every X entrants. More entries means more winners. I like giving them away. Help me spread the word. Here’s the “naked” link for Facebook, Twitter, etc. https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/e1e7a4c0eb6b3afd

Come back later this week for some actual blogging. I’m sure by Thursday something will have stuck in my craw. Until then, be blessed.

Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Yesterday Marked A Decade Of Loss In My Life. But For The First Time It Feels Better.

Posted on April 29, 2016 by Joseph Courtemanche

Some readers, and friends, have no doubt wondered why my novel Assault on Saint Agnes was dedicated to CTI1 Peter Craig. Why not my wife? Or my mom? Or my high school wrestling coach. (I didn’t wrestle. Just thought I’d throw that in for some reason.)

Steal this picture for your Facebook post.

The simple fact of the matter is that Peter holds a special place in my heart. It’s hard for civilians to understand what it means to be taken under the wing of a senior in the service, to have them mentor you, protect you, train you and trust you. More importantly, if you face danger together, and come out stronger for the experience, nothing will ever break that bond. I’m not trying to glorify my role in the United States Navy, but the fact is that we did some very unusual things in my little group of bandits. Peter Craig gets the credit for my making it out of the far end alive, and the crews that went with me. He did a good job in training a very green Third Class Petty Officer in the arcane art of compartmentalized projects. He also taught me that Nutella on toast and Spanish cigarettes can be a suitable breakfast. Perhaps, most importantly, he taught me that you don’t have to be Japanese to be a ninja.

I was able this year, for the first time, to think about this sad anniversary without coming apart. I still shed a tear, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Instead I felt good that I honored the man with my book. He’d laugh really hard at Bobby Kurtz, and what a close resemblance he bears to me. He’d abuse me for lofty opinions of what we did and what dangers there were in our lives. But at the end of the day, he’d still be my friend Pete. The man who took me below the ocean’s surface the first time. The man I spent almost every hour with for a month. The man who gave me a run for my money on steak & lobster night after our mission was over. The man who trained me right, and taught me to honor my nation and myself.

I can never ask God to provide a better Sea Daddy. He gave me the perfect one to begin with in 1986.

Peter C. Craig

Please take a moment to click the link and read about my friend Peter. I’m proud of what I wrote back in 2006 and hope it brought a smile to his soul.

Monday we resume the shilling of the book. Be ready for some serious give-away events. Today, take care of your friends and family with depression. It is the nastiest disease around.

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Goodreads Book Giveaway

Assault on Saint Agnes

by Joseph Courtemanche

Giveaway ends May 02, 2016.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

Book Review: The Ghost Of Africa By Donald Brobst

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Joseph Courtemanche

It’s been almost a year since I read this book. I’ve been marinating in sauce waiting to review it that whole time. The review is now ready. I heartily endorse Donald Brobst‘s new work, The Ghost of Africa.

Donald and I met some years ago at a writer’s conference. We were both in the “Nobody will ever publish me” stage of our misery. But under that fatigue and gloom, we discovered the root of a friendship. Donald lives a life that 99% of the populace thinks is a story out of a novel, not a real man’s experience.

I knew he was the real deal when we talked about different topics in the land of danger, and he had the right answers. Either that, or I’m the most gullible doofus to trod the plains in the last few years. Don never once tried to snow me, and he kept his location quiet. I never knew where he was when we chatted.

There’s a reason for that: he does medicine at the edge of death. Probably overly dramatic, but the fact is he’s one of the very small number of medical professionals who risks his life to bring treatment to those on the edges, inside, and under civil wars around the African continent. He’s putting his body out there to do what his soul directs him to do. God’s work.

So, back to the book. Last year the finalists in my Genesis contest category all agreed to swap novels so we would have an idea of what our competition was like. I was nervous when I read Don’s book, not only because it arrived immediately, but the thing was good. Good enough to knock me out of the running. (I did mental math, which is always dangerous, and thought no way they’d let a clown like me beat a distinguished doctor doing God’s work in the wilds of Africa.)

I’m not going to give you the chronological book review that many do on their blogs. But I will tell you why I liked the book and why it might appeal to you.

1. It’s edgy. Edgy as in not even close to an Amish Romance Novel (ARN) in any way. People have guns, knives, bad attitudes, and the ability to use those weapons.

2. Petty personal problems (I love alliteration) become life and death issues for characters. Just like in real life.

3. While it’s modified for the reader, Don gets it on weaponry and evil in combination. I won’t fritz the plot for you, but there’s some stuff in there that Don and I talked about after I read the book. Talked a lot. It’s based on some serious research. ’nuff said.

4. God is not standing in the room with you clonking you in the head with a Bible every twenty pages. Faith is organic to the story, yet it’s kept “clean” so that Christian readers will not object to language/sex issues.

5. I want to read more about the main character. If a book leaves me wanting more, it’s worth a read.

6. Did I mention believable minor characters? Child soldiers? Realistic problems confronting the heroes?

I’m giving The Ghost of Africa five stars. ***** is pretty good when you read it locked in a quest for the prize. I can honestly say that if The Ghost of Africa had beaten Assault on Saint Agnes I would have been glad for Don. He did a great job with this book.

Now, run out and buy it. Then review it. Don’t dawdle, get going! That book is available today. Let’s make Don’s launch as good as you fine people made mine.

Donald Brobst

Thanks for dropping by.

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I Guess Spring Is Here: It Arrived At 0340 Sunday Morning With A Set Of Sharp Toenails.

Posted on April 25, 2016 by Joseph Courtemanche

Nothing says SPRING quite like a gentle, nocturnal thunderstorm. That first rumble of thunder is followed by a very tense Shetland Sheep Dog (*Sheltie*) named Stormy (rather inappropriately named, I might add) trying to claw me to death in an attempt to warn me that the universe is doomed.

Springing Spring one thunderstorm at a time.

I even got up and looked for The Silver Surfer trying to warn us, Lex Luthor with a chunk of Kryptonite, and the Joker. No sign of any of them. But that was of no comfort to Stormy.

No. None. She has a pattern. First a warning. Then she lets me doze off. There’s another warning right after I nod off. This is followed shortly by my pulling her up on the bed, looping an arm over her to prevent escape, and nodding off again.

She views my sleeping as a reason to escape. She jumps down, runs to the doorway to check for Godzilla, and then comes back to claw me some more. I would like to note, for the record, that not one time has Godzilla successfully attacked this little dog when I’ve had my arm around her. Just saying.

This presents a conundrum. Most of the time I sleep through the first few rumbles. She doesn’t. If I actually cared what the weather forecast portended, I’d make sure she got a yummy Benadryl snackie before we went to bed. I, however, grew up in the great state of Minnesota where the weather forecast is so useless that the on-air personalities regularly get caught in sudden showers without an umbrella or a rain coat. The legendary Halloween blizzard of 1991 was “going to wrap up in the next few hours” when I tuned in to the evening news. I got home from driving my plow about 6 days later. Yeah. And they claim they can predict global warming.

No, I prefer to see what God dishes out at His whim. Stormy is not so fond of deities taking her delicate nervous system for granted. Drugs, clearly, are the answer. She doesn’t freak out. I sleep. She doesn’t have a stuffy nose from allergies. Win-Win.

It will rain again tonight. Guess who’s getting a little pink pill wrapped up in yummy meat-flavored goop?

Oh, just in case you were curious: the book is doing very well. Your purchases are appreciated, your reviews are desired. Thank you!

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Just Another Brick In The Wall.

Posted on April 21, 2016 by Joseph Courtemanche

I completely understand that the title of this blog is without meaning in the context of today’s post. So why name it something unrelated? Eh, well, my publisher and publicist/social media person both like Pink Floyd and that song cropped up in a chat session last week. See how clear that is now? I’m loopy.

Loopy for a good reason. Today the final brick in the wall plopped into it’s spot: the audio book is now available. I guess the title did have some meaning after all. For new readers you should know, I sometimes amble about in a fog. Old readers are already switching back to youtube.com to see what those wacky pygmy goats are up to this week. (The first goat kind of sounds like me in chapter 17. It wasn’t a good day to record…)

Seriously, it’s all out there now. I’ve laid my soul bare and given it my all. There is a great risk in doing your own audio book: you can really mess it up. I have an additional challenge in my hearing. Yup, can’t hear a number of tones, some of them in the human vocal range. So I have to quality check the thing by cranking the volume and studying the wave forms on the screen. I have been assured by an unbiased judge of such things (my wife) that I did a good job. I’ve been recording books for others (the blind) for a number of years. Initially that’s what got me a break in the voice over field. I did it for the Minnesota State Services for the Blind and then did a book or two as a personal favor to some others without vision. Greatest compliment ever was when I was told that she forgot it was me reading the book and imagined Steve Harvey reading his own book.

I’m not Steve Harvey. I suspect he’ll forgive me for recording his book for a blind lady who’s a huge fan of his but can’t afford the book. But for my friend to forget my color, age, and level of fame and imagine the author reading it, was one of the greatest compliments I could have as a talent.

I may be rambling. It’s well after midnight and I’ve been busy since seven this morning with “author stuff” and the day job.

Thank you for dropping by today. Go watch the goats. Go watch Steve Harvey. Then, and only then, go listen to the sample chapter of my book on Amazon. I hope it grabs you.

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” *That’s a 4 star review!* Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.