So, I Made A Minor Modification To The Novel.

Each time an author writes a word for posterity they have to consider how it will be taken. Some things just flow, some don’t. Some things are written for the author, some for a specific audience. Sometimes you write and write and write and write – and nothing usable comes from the effort.

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My novel, Assault On Saint Agnes, is an action thriller. I had a wide variety of people read different drafts to get their feedback. The women all liked it because it was a good story. The men liked it because it had lots of action. Heck, even my mom liked it… she hated the first book I wrote.

The book is doing well in its various competitions, and it may well be something that gets picked up by a publisher in the near future. I hope and pray that is the case.

But an author is nothing if not a creature of self-doubt and questions. Should I make this longer? Does this paragraph need to come out? Should I have made this science fiction? Is there a need for romance? Will this book appeal to women as well as men?

And, the greatest question of all: How could I work some buggies and bonnets into this thing and get the Amish angle?

I may have  the answer. I rewrote the first chapter to make the book not only appeal more to women, but to get the Amish involved early on in the story. I hope you like this submission. Let me know how you feel about it! If the response is great enough I’ll rewrite the whole thing and get it done up right. Back in black, baby.

CHAPTER ONE
Saint Paul, Minnesota
05 February 1021

The scent of burnt gunpowder and incense whipped through what was left of the stained glass windows. Bobby Kurtz lay flat against the cold floor—unwilling to budge. With his head down, Bobby listened for the police to arrive. He’d made a thorough mess of things and it would take days to clean up. His mother would be horrified.

To his left lay one of the priests—bloodied, a bit disoriented, but alive. He’d be highly miffed over the cacophonous state of his church but how would Bobby make amends? Bobby shook off the nausea and adrenaline that came with a gun battle. He’d won. But it was still a sin to have used a machine in the House of God. But there were no pitchforks handy and he did have the .45 Colt. He needed to make amends and apologize. “Father, I’m heartily sorry. I pray thee forgive my transgression against thine house.”

The stillness of the room erupted in a chaotic crescendo as the doors to St. Agnes flew open. Nothing prepares a man for the impact of flash-bang grenades. Bobby didn’t hear any flashbangs – only the soft noise of a hand-made quilt being spread over his back.
Bobby didn’t even move his head. He knew it was the family come to take him home.

“Robert. What have thee done now? You and your Englisher ways will forever be a stain on our family. Mutti sent me to bring thee to the farm in Lancaster. I saw the people run out and heard the shots. I knew it was your work. How many this time, Robert?”

Bobby pulled the quilt more tightly around his shoulders and rolled to a sitting position. “Silas, thou art so judgmental. I have done nought but defend the sheep against the wolves. Terrorists, Silas. Demons. But nay, thee wilst not accept my ways and I am aggrieved by the fact.”

“Robert, I am never judging you, for that is God’s job, not mine. I am trying only to bring thee back to the people. You are no longer shunned; we have voted and brought you back if you wish. I don’t know what the Bishop will say when he hears of this transgression, but I will plead for thee before the church.”

Bobby looked into his brother’s corn-blue eyes. He was a good man, a patient man in his black cloak and white shirt. Bobby longed to be back in the fields of Pennsylvania with the cows. Back in the ways of the family.

Silas helped Robert to his feet and dusted the shards of glass off of his face. “My older brother, it pains me to see you so. Here, take my hat: it will help stop the bleeding on your head. My buggy is outside. We should go now.”

The two men walked out into the cold air and down the steps of the church. There, in the buggy, sat Robert’s one true love. His beloved Karin.

Karin stared at the blood trickling down his face. “Robert, have you been shooting people again?”

Bobby nodded. “Twas Satan I fought, not people. I renounce the violence and wish to confess to the congregation my sins. May I ride with thee to the farm?”

Karin wept quietly. “In my dreams I have prayed for this. Come, it is a long ride to Lancaster and I know you are tired. Come bundle with me in the back and we shall pray.”

Just as the buggy rounded the corner and set off down Dale Street the SWAT team arrived to find a church in tatters and no sign of the man in torment for his soul. Robert Kurtz was headed home. Home to Amish country.

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So, watcha think?  Is there a future for me in this genre?

I’m Rather Torn With All These Choices.

I’m looking at my DVR and wondering how to best spend the next 61 minutes.

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It’s come down to Amish Mafia Christmas Special versus A Moonshiners Christmas.

Anyone who is able to quickly intervene should contact my wife. This may be a new low.

Now, leave me alone, I have telebishion to watch.

Here’s a music video to keep you amused in the meantime. Have a wonderful day.

And I Thought It Was Just Me…

Among my many flaws is an obsession with Jack Webb. I will not pretend that it’s a scholarly obsession, at least it didn’t start that way. But it is morphing in that direction.

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I plan on writing extensively about Mr. Webb and his programs in the future. Today I’d just like to share this link to a website that is evidently visited by other obsessed, sad, pathetic individuals: people just like me.

Yes, I do things like Google the restaurants that appear in Adam-12. Sad, but it fascinates me how things change over the years. I do this with classic movies as well. Google Streetview and I have a relationship. Don’t tell my wife – it’s getting worse. I’ve turned into an architectural peeping-Tom.

This hunt began with a search for Biff’s restaurant. I found the picture below for your enjoyment. It is taken from modmidmod.com and This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License. | ModMidMod

Biff's appears in tons of television shows - it was near the studios.

Biff’s appears in tons of television shows – it was near the studios.

I should probably be ashamed. But I find more neat stuff doing this than you would ever imagine.

The internet still amazes me. I hope it never quits.

So, Isn’t It Time You Learned CPR? (ATTENTION TWIN CITIES!)

Yeah, it’s on the list… etc. I used to be an instructor (about 7 billion years ago) and taught a lot of people how it worked. True story: I was UA (Unauthorized Absence, the Navy equivalent of AWOL) for not teaching a scheduled CPR class when I was stationed in Spain. Somebody forgot to tell the training division that I was kind of busy off the coast of some foreign land. I’d never before, or since, used this defense, but I loved it: “I was out of the country, I can’t tell you where, and you don’t have the need to know. Now tear up the charges.” I hope I never need it again.

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Why do I mention this? Because a charity I believe in is doing some down-and-dirty CPR training in January in the Twin Cities. The poster is right here for you to see. Please consider this as an event to attend with your adult friends. It raises funds for a great cause and they guy teaching it is a super individual. I’d even bet that if you email him he’d work with you to do it in another venue to raise funds some other time – hint, hint, corporate safety people…

This is the best deal going for really learning CPR, and it benefits a great charity.

This is the best deal going for really learning CPR, and it benefits a great charity.

The reason for this event is pretty simple: Haiti has no viable paramedic structure. If you have a heart attack outside of a hospital (and possibly in some of the hospitals) you’re toast without an AED to restart your heart. AEDs are very simple to use and they save lives. Please consider either donating to the cause or attending the training.

Another Item On Stormy’s List.

Stormy has a long list of things she objects to on a daily basis. Some she truly hates, some she dislikes, some she is afraid of to the degree where she hides out in another room.

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Doctor Stormy.

Doctor Stormy.

We have added another item to the list: snow shoveling.

Last winter she was considered too great a flight risk to be out in the yard without a leash for the first month. After that, we let her out for very short periods and watched her from the doorway. Only come the spring did she get unobserved time in the yard. That meant that she was not loose when I shoveled or blew snow: the gates were opened and closed and she could escape.

This morning, at 05:28, we discovered that she doesn’t like snow shoveling. Rather vocal about it as a matter of fact. It took us a little while to work the issue out, and by the time the back sidewalk was done she was over her anger but firm in her fear. She literally hid behind the tree.

It is time to post the list. I now present, in no particular order, the list of things that Stormy objects to:

snow shoveling
Zamboni machines
vacuum cleaners
snow plows
school buses
garbage trucks
people in her alley
pigeons
sparrows
industrial lawn mowers
jet airplanes
propeller aircraft
helicopters
satellite dishes
cables and power lines (on windy days)
squirrels (really a sore spot)
rabbits
any diesel engine
neighbors in their yards
chickens
neighbors in their garages
Lulu (the neighbor’s dog, possibly an arch-villain in her universe)
electric shavers
wet grass
cold pavement
snow between her paw pads
chihuahuas

The “like list” is much shorter:

food
belly rubs
sleeping on my bed
nibbling
snoring

Get the picture. I sure love that dog.