Any Minute Now It Will Be Spring.

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Winter is possibly over. I’m not rushing into anything yet, but it is with great anticipation that I planted some seeds in a warming tray and started the cuttings from my sweet potatoes along in their jars.

Hope for a garden – someday.

What, you might ask, has prompted this burst of insane optimism? I shall detail below the pitch to buy my book.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

1. We have but a few hundred pounds of ice left in my yard. Even though it’s been almost 70 degrees this week, there is still a band of ice about five inches thick, a foot wide, and twenty feet long that lingers in the shade of my fence. This is, quite possibly, the most nutrient rich ice on the planet, as Stormy has been conditioned to poop only on snow by this horrendous winter. She chases, with growing frustration, the ever shrinking areas where her sense of decorum tells here she can void her bowels. Soon she will have to use the grass again. This is usually a time of great trepidation, if the last several dogs are any indicator. She didn’t develop this quirk until this winter, but it’s been a very long time since grass was available on a regular basis.

2. I didn’t wear a winter coat on Tuesday and I didn’t die.

3. The sidewalks, and intersections, are finally ice free (mostly) and I was able to walk to work that same day I shed the winter coat. I have amassed 17 pounds since I last walked to work. Fortunately, it is only in my chest, not around my waist. I have magnificent moobs, a full cup size larger than the last time I was allowed to go shirtless. The authorities have requested that I remain fully clothed until I’m only 10 pounds above my previous level. On the bright side, this is still 40 pounds lighter than when I started the diet/exercise regime two years ago.

4. Sunshine is hot enough to cause normal humans to sweat once again. In Minnesota, there are long periods where the sun is without any warmth at all, and you can freeze to death in direct sunlight. The sun is now several degrees further north than it was all winter, and our temperature today was a full 80 degrees warmer than the coldest night this past winter.

5. I was blinded four times this week by fish-white legs. Minnesota has the most beautiful women in Minnesota, but God knows that we all benefit from tights, leggings, and jeans during the long winter months. The FAA has issued cautions to aviators about looking down on urban areas during the first few days of Spring, as the glare from flesh that has not seen any sun in months is much like staring into a halogen lamp.

6. Stormy has been rolling in her favorite patch of yard again. As with most of my life, it begins and ends with a happy dog.

That’s not a bad thing.

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I Like Dogs. A Lot. Especially #Stormy. (Let’s See How Many Hits That Causes On Twitter With The Haters)

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Let’s start off with the dog photo of #Stormy the #Rescue #Sheltie: (I love hashtags in text, dont’ you?)

(Bonus – you got Santa as well.)

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

You’re wondering what I’m up to with this, I’ll bet. It’s simple: I’ve given up on social commentary for the moment. The press, and the Mueller Inquisition have abandoned all pretense of fairness, it’s a full-out witch hunt, and I have been agreeing with Kanye West on Twitter. Yes, it is End Times.

How do I deal with the End Times? I watch animal videos on Instagram and Facebook. I have, quite wisely in my opinion, joined several groups that favor Shelties, Herding Shelties, and Great Danes on both platforms. I have/do owned and caroused with both breeds throughout my life, and find them endlessly amusing. Both breeds prove that God hard-wired certain traits in the genetic code, as they do the same crazy stuff across the globe.

I can spend an hour watching Great Danes rip garden edging out and parade around with their trophies. Shelties herding ducks is even more amusing. But the chaos of hidden cameras when they think the rest of the family can’t see them is beyond description.

Now, like great liquor, not all of it is available to the general public. As an example, I once had a couple of bottles of someone’s private reserve 10 year-old Kentucky Bourbon placed in my sweaty palms. You can pretty much dump anything else you’ve ever consumed as sewer water in comparison. Same goes for these videos: the truly great ones are shared only among owners/fanciers of the breed.

But I provide two examples of the kind of thing that help me keep my head from exploding so that you can understand why they beat listening to Rachel Maddow thump her tail about Sean Hannity’s real estate holdings. (I apologize if that image in your mind requires brain bleach.)

Great Dane’s first:

Now, the smaller set gets their time with a Sheltie Video:

To answer the man’s question, are you sorry? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH NEVER! No actual guilt, just chagrin at being caught.

Much like me. Now, go watch some dog videos and ignore the television. You’ll live longer.

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Yes, I Managed To Milk One More Whiny Winter Post Out Of The Blizzard

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First, I’d like to explain my status today with a picture:

Pegged in the danger zone today.

Pegged in the danger zone today.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

I have some brilliant observations on human nature based on this last week’s blizzard in the upper tier of states. Mind you, it’s the same stuff I’ve said before, but perhaps with renewed vigor. The vigor comes from having Spring snatched out my hands.

There are two types of people in this world. I will break them down for you now.

There is the type who cleans their car off carefully, making sure that all lights are visible, windows clear, and snow removed from the roof of the vehicle and hood. These people seem to make it to their destination without major incident.

There is the other type, who jumps in the car, runs the wiper to clear a patch to look through (often the size of a dinner-plate), and heads out into the storm wearing their flip-flops and light jacket. They are invariably the moron blocking the intersection, spinning their bald tires and waiting for “someone” to help them.

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There is the type of person who shovels their sidewalk down to the concrete, and edge to edge. This person likely scrapes the snow back at an angle away from the edge of the sidewalk, so that as it melts, it doesn’t drop straight down and create ice. They do this because they want their family, the postal carrier, and random passers-by to be able to navigate without having to wade through 18 inches of snow, or fall on their keister and/or break a wrist on their sidewalk. They don’t do it because it’s the law, they do it because it’s the right thing to do after it snows. Every time it snows. They will seldom be heard to say, “It’s going to melt soon.” Because, in their heart, they know it might not.

There is the other type who either ignores the snow completely, or instead shovels down the sidewalk exactly 12 inches wide. This is because they, unlike responsible adults, have never bought a proper snow-shovel. They were not raised properly. They don’t care about anyone except making sure the city won’t give them a ticket. It would quite probably kill them to spread salt, or open the plug on the end of the block to the street. Nope, not their problem.

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There are people who may not wear their winter coat, but they accept the fact that they will be cold and miserable. They have it in their car, and it sits near the jumper cables.

There are other people who wear a t-shirt and don’t bring the coat. They head out in blizzards to hear the band at the bar and figure “someone” will take care of them if they run into trouble with their car. They are closely related to the frozen guy found in the Alps a few years back who changed how we think of Neanderthal diets.

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There are people who plan their speed and angle heading into a turn so that they wind up where they intend to go. It takes skill, planning, and some sound judgement.

There are other people who gun it into the corner to hop the snow bank, and wind up in the middle of the light-rail tracks, high-centered on the obstacles placed there to prevent said moron from driving on the tracks. Almost universally, they have bald tires, a pile of snow on the top of their car, and are wearing flip-flops.

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Finally, there are morons who head out in a raging blizzard in their best clothes to attend a friend’s major social event.

And there’s everybody else except me.

But it was worth it, and I didn’t have to use my jumper cables, or my coat, and I didn’t get stuck even once. The train missed me as well.

I don’t know if that was worth reading, but it sure felt good to say it.

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

One Decade Seems Very Short In Eternity, Really Long Around Here

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Ten years have passed since my father died. Lest anyone forget his name, it is Oliver Joseph Courtemanche, Junior. He was never a “junior” in my world, he was always him.

In the ten years that have gone by, a lot of things have taken place that he can only view from Heaven. The list is significant:

He has a new granddaughter, Jane. She’s a bright, sweet girl with more than a touch of him in her makeup.

His wife continues to love him. She’s not moved on, but has moved into a new phase of her life. She travels, plays cards, does yoga, and house-sits dogs for neighbors. All-in-all, I think she’d give it all up to have him back.

All of his children are now in their 50’s. None of them were at the time he died.

We have seen the presidency change over twice since he died.

We have been at war constantly in those ten years.

His oldest son is now a published author, and his youngest is a college professor. The other two are successful in their fields. None of us is in prison. (See, Mom, I told you I was behaving!)

All of the families have changed domestic pets. None that he knew are still with us.

The internet plays a much bigger role in our lives.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Most of all, during the past ten years, while we continue on without him, he’s at the side of God.

For those of you without strong religious beliefs, the next few lines may be a surprise. But I will proclaim them in full confidence of their truth.

My dad, for whatever his faults were, was a man of faith. He firmly believed in the divinity of Jesus Christ.

I am a man of faith, I firmly believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ.

I am sad for my mom and siblings, as I know they feel the loss of my father deeply.

I do not mourn my father, as I am sure he is in Heaven. There is no pain, no emphysema, no ruptured blood vessel, no illness in that place. Only glory and bliss.

My father’s final words were, “I think I see Jesus.”

He saw where he was going. I know I will meet him there someday.

Good enough for me. You see, that ten years has kind of dragged on this planet, but in Heaven it is an eye-blink.

Dad, we’ll be there before we know it. And since that’s the literal truth, we’d better all prepare now. I’ll introduce you when we all get there.

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Free Stuff. Contest. Free Audio Book Downloads. Michael DiMercurio For Free.

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This is a very easy deal for everyone. No blog today, I’m working on finishing up another audio book.

So, want to listen to the first three in the series? (They’re the ones at the right by Michael DiMercurio.) Yeah, not Christian fiction, some sex, some bad words, nothing beyond comprehension.

If you would like to win free downloads for all three, send an email to: (you have to put in the @. It cuts down on my spam load.) contests AT commotioninthepews.com

That’s it.

I’ll be back next week with something deep and inspiring. Or, a Llama video from Youtube.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.