A Review Of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” From A Christian Perspective

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I’d have to be way more pretentious than I am to even attempt that trick. First of all, I’m not a theology major. I am a Christian. But Star Wars is not about Christianity: it’s science fiction with an alternative universe where we go to have fun. So don’t worry that I’m going to delve into “Satanic influence on the costume design” or some other nonsense. Nope, I’m going to talk about it as a kid (I still am that kid) who went to the opening night of the original movie, stood in a crowded lobby for three hours, on May 25, 1977, and totally frustrated the date I brought. She, by the way, is now a very well established and respected doctor. I’m writing reviews of movies on a smallish blog. Hmmmmmm…

I absolutely promise no spoilers.

Let’s get started by watching the trailer. Always a good idea:

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This was a first in a couple of ways for me, and I think it may have been better if I’d only done one of them in a single outing. But lest I frighten you, I loved the movie in every way.

The big first was 3D. I’d never seen a movie in 3D before. I found out that dry eyes, astigmatism, and slightly scratched lenses are not a good combination with the rest of the 3D experience. It wasn’t bad, just that it wasn’t as good as it could be. I’m bringing eye drops the next time. I realized this when I shed some tears during the movie and the clarity on the screen was amazing – yeah, I’m just dumb enough not to have thought of that until that moment. The use of 3D in the film is pretty good, and there were a couple of WOW moments. But for those of you with less than optimal distance vision, have a good set of glasses that will fit around the 3D lenses and some eye drops. ’nuff said.

The movie. I could bore the snot out of you with a crippling analysis of the story from a writer’s perspective. I could discuss decision gates, multiple level meanings, foreshadowing, dialogue, and Mc Guffin’s.

Nah. Let’s get back to that 17 year old nerd that was so blown away by the movie that he ignored his date. (Again, is my wife a Saint, or what? I’m still that nerd and she’s stuck with me!)

The Force Awakens honors the original trilogy (episodes IV, V, VI – not that nonsense that came after them) and reignites the franchise. The only thing that could have made it better, in my opinion, would have been a sacrifice of the lame characters such as Jar Jar Binks in some sort of lava wave. A very slow lava wave. With lots of screaming. But I digress. Many of the characters you love are back in this episode. Most of the ones you could live for eternity without are not present – it’s a total win on that level.

The dialogue is vintage. Right out of Episode IV. That would be enough for me. But they managed to keep the look of the Empire in every respect. Yes, time has passed. But given the technological evolution of this universe, the stable elements would not change much. The passageways of a WWII aircraft carrier are not much different, at first glance, than on a new Ford Class carrier. So why should the way they design hallways in the Empire be significantly different than what we saw in 1977?

The worlds/spacecraft have the one thing that impressed me most in 1977: dirt. Stuff is used. It’s like real weapons, homes, basements, bazaar’s, etc. It’s not the perfect, clean, well maintained world that so much of science fiction used to show. I like that more than you can imagine. It makes me feel like reality is on the screen.

Into author mode for a very brief moment: the story was well paced in all but one spot. That spot was meant to convey a meaning and an homage to the original movie. Since I promised no spoilers, you’ll have to watch it to see what I’m talking about.

The new cast are all good in their roles. Old curmudgeons (like me) usually complain about new characters. I like them. I like them because it means that we will be seeing more action in the future. They all did a creditable job and hold so much potential. The thing to remember is this is essentially a new franchise with this movie, and the people debuting here are in for a lot of character development. I’m optimistic.

The photography, battle scenes, and wardrobe were all good. The “look” was on the money. I was enthralled, and sat like that kid from almost 40 years ago: riveted to my seat.

Dialogue. I heard what I expected from established characters. The way they should say it. At the right volume levels. Perfect. Couldn’t ask for more.

The story. I did promise no spoilers. Go see it. I will say that it was more than I expected. Lots more. Very well done. I will wait for the next episode with anticipation.

Part of my utter joy at seeing this movie was my careful avoidance of all the speculation before the release date. I know somebody made a big deal out of Carrie Fisher‘s something or another. I’m glad I didn’t delve until this moment into that topic. Carrie, if you’re reading this I’d like to thank you for an excellent performance. You’re three years older than I am, and you’ve aged just like I have. The 17 year old who watched that movie would be horrified by the 56 year old sitting at the keyboard. I suspect your 20 year old self would be equally horrified. They both would be so wrong. I still think you’re beautiful and wonderful and talented and … well, I’m a fan. Ignore them, Carrie. You’re amazing.

I think Harrison Ford was in the movie somewhere, but I never had a crush on him. I guess he was okay as well. All right, he turned in a great performance as well. He’s stood the years better than I have. Dang it.

Would I take young children to this movie? Yeah. Toughen the little buggers up for life. Violent? In places. Anger? Lots. Powerful stories of grit and bravery? Yes. Sad things? Yes. I don’t think most children (under 12) would understand parts of the movie in terms of motivation. But it never was about kids except the toys. We’re back to a movie made for adults. BB8 is there to merchandise but I’ll toss them the bone.

What was the best part of the movie? Sitting in that theater seat and experiencing the wonder I felt 39 years ago swell within my soul. I have hope for the franchise once again.

Thank you, J.J. Abrams for making me a teenager again.

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I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit a million views in 2014, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help. When we hit 2,000,000 readers I will give away something cool to a drawing from the subscribers (that’s the box on the right toward the top) who have helped promote this mess. No used sheets, probably not honey, more likely gift cards. Be a part of it. I’ll update from time to time where we’re at in the count. Thanks.

An Excellent End To A Stormy Year – Dog Included In Larger Pun.

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This past year has been quite an adventure. Highs, lows, big time awards (Genesis win at ACFW), and a lot of health issues in our family during the intervening days.

But the 30th of December, the next-to-last-day of the year, will be one I remember a very long time.

contractsigning12302015saintagnesattonysoffice

12302015 kip and joe at signing of contract

Yup. Assault on Saint Agnes is scheduled to be published this spring – projected release date is 18 April.

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It’s been a long, difficult, road to this date. Every writer out there knows the effort it takes to turn out a decent book. It wasn’t done alone.

My wife, Kip, has listened to me babble, rant, read out loud, and generally drive her nuts for years with my writing. She edited the first couple drafts for me as well. Without her, and her tolerance of my quirks, this never would have happened.

Tony Horvath, Athanatos Publishing Group, and his crew – including Deb and Dylan Thompson, were integral in shaping this novel, and it is with great pleasure that I announce that they will be publishing this award-winning book this coming spring. I could not have found a better publishing home if I tried for five more years.

Kip and I drove to the offices in Greenwood, WI, today to sign the contracts. I will also be doing the audio book once the final revisions to the text are in place. We have a cover, a plan, and a prayer. It is a great joy in my heart tonight, as well as a tired set of eyes from driving back in the snow.

Since I mentioned her, Stormy needs an update: She now willingly snuggles with me, asking for pets, kisses, and a spot on the bed on occasion. This is a very different dog than the one who came from rescue three years ago. Like the picture frame says, “Who rescued who?”

The best part of the day had nothing to do with writing. It was a letter from one of my Santa visits. I will not name any names, for privacy reasons, but it was one of those letters that leaves Santa in tears.

You see, the little girl whom I first visited last year was alive by virtue of a miracle. I visited because another Santa couldn’t do it and his wife knew I lived nearby. I squeezed it into my schedule and made it work – and it has blessed me for the past 370 days.

I am sometimes let into the presence of God, and miracles, by virtue of where I choose to go. I’m not going to get all preachy on you. My friends and coworkers know that I’m a coarse, sometimes horrendously so, sailor in manner and language. Preaching doesn’t work. But the truth does, and here it is:

Follow your heart and listen to God. It isn’t all about money or fame. The best moments in life are the result of the ten minutes you spend praying with a child in need, holding Grampa’s hand while he cries for his favorite grandson, or just smiling and handing out gifts to a little girl who has defied all the medical odds. Two years in a row.

Sometimes you even get egg rolls. Most of all, God gives you some peace and joy in your heart.

Here’s to God: Thank you for this past year. I’m trying to do it right, and ask you help me to hit the mark in 2016 just a little bit better. Well, a whole lot. But I’m thankful for any guidance you provide.

Be safe out there this weekend. I’ll be back next week. Me, the guy with a publishing contract.

2015 amazing egg rolls

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I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit a million views in 2014, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help. When we hit 2,000,000 readers I will give away something cool to a drawing from the subscribers (that’s the box on the right toward the top) who have helped promote this mess. No used sheets, probably not honey, more likely gift cards. Be a part of it. I’ll update from time to time where we’re at in the count. Thanks.

Vallenata Music And The Joy Of Difference

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I’ve probably got one of the most eclectic tastes in music that you’ll run across in your life. Big Band, Polka, Rock, Christian, Reggae, Blues, Pop, PDQ Bach, and Metal are just a sampling. Let us not forget Elvis while we’re speaking, lest the earth open and he hould leap forth to beat me like a drum.

With that in mind, I have to share a music I ran across last year. Bloggers don’t always get to the post right away. This one trickled off to the side. It was a special on the Smithsonian Channel, entitled The Accordion Kings. I dvr’d it to see what it was all about. I didn’t delete it for months. It was that fascinating.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits!

My Spanish is, uh, bad. I understand it much better than I speak it, and once you get past the two or three accents my hammered-up ears can understand it’s sketchy. Colombian Spanish is on the edge. But I did enjoy seeing how accurate the subtitles were as they went along.

Fascinating is an overused word. But it applies to this show. I was simply enthralled for the entire time. I backed it up several times to listen to bits and study faces. There’s no “plot” to a documentary like this, but by George it was gripping to see how certain things would turn out.

I did the research, it’s not practical for me to attend the festival. But if I could, I’d buy tickets and spend the time to catch it all.

I would strongly recommend this special to you if you are a lover of music. If you love accordions, nothing will be finer. The stories of the evolution of the musical form, the struggles of the performers, and how it reflects the society are all fascinating.

I sense a reluctance? You don’t want to buy the video until you know more? I understand. Here’s 15 minute video of some contemporary artists in the world of Vallenata. I hope you love it as much as I do.

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I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit a million views in 2014, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help. When we hit 2,000,000 readers I will give away something cool to a drawing from the subscribers (that’s the box on the right toward the top) who have helped promote this mess. No used sheets, probably not honey, more likely gift cards. Be a part of it. I’ll update from time to time where we’re at in the count. Thanks.

Important Stuff Santa Has Learned.

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Over the past fifteen years I’ve picked up on a couple of things that might be helpful to other Santas, and possibly even to you. Not overly deep in most cases, but it’s the stuff you think about driving around in a suit that screams, “TAKE PICTURES OF ME AT THE NEXT STOPLIGHT!!!!!”

Without further ado:

You are being paid to work. Never phone it in. No matter how tired, sick, or overwhelmed you are feeling, give them 100% of what you’ve got. It’s an hour of your time. It’s the biggest hour of their year.

Carry a roll of duct tape tied into the cord on your toy bag. It comes in handy for repairing the damage done by rampaging four-year-olds. Nothing looks worse than Santa with a fur stip dragging behind him that used to be the hem on the suit. Duct tape fixes most things.

Smile when you’re doing your makeup. If you frown and concentrate too much, that sets the tone for the day. Big smiles, chuckles, and a laugh go a long way toward making your face the right shape for the work on the horizon.

Don’t eat onions, garlic, curry. Do eat jalapenos. They taste good and don’t wreck your breath.

Hide from the public in Kosher restaurants. The owners smile, you get some peace and quiet, and very few children in the joint will care about your drinking coffee and reading your Kindle.

Let the world touch your face. Little hands find wonder in that beard. So do hands crippled with arthritis. You bring that thing (the beard) along anyway, so let people enjoy it with you.

Keep your shoes shined and your buckle shiny. It’s a sign of respect for your customers and friends.

Remember that the adults like to enjoy the time with you as well. Tell a joke. Pray with them. Let them sit on your knee for a picture.

Soft words and slow movements are more jolly and soothing than feigned frivolity. You need to make yourself available and open – the rest will come with time.

Plan on your drive meeting obstacles. There will be an accident, road construction, a protest, or a storm. Start out early and drive around a bit when you get to your destination. You might learn something, or see something cool. Never be late.

Sing a song now and again. You know you can’t sing well, but the children think it’s cool. It’s their party, enjoy it!

Have a box of Cliff bars in the back seat. Sit in an empty parking lot behind a warehouse and take a breather. Best time of the day on occasion.

Parents who plop their child down regardless of the tears seem to be better parents. They know that unless you take some recoverable dents early on, you’ll be more damaged when it all happens as an adult. You’re not going to win them all. Learn to take a hit and recover. I see this at least 500 times a year. The parents who don’t want to traumatize their child seem to be doing them more harm than good. Nobody is a special snowflake forever. I count the time every time: most tears last for less than five seconds once they are back in mom’s arms. The question you probably should ask is: Who’s running the outfit?

Make a few visits for free each year. It’s not all about the money. Find a charity, or two, and never accept any money from them no matter what. Give a bit of your soul over to making others happy. It is a magnificent feeling.

Take some time off and take your wife out to dinner. You both need the break.

Invest in good boots. Wear them once every month to keep them limber. Buy a second pair once you’re in demand. That way you have a spare pair when they get wet. Keep both pairs shiny.

Organize your suits and items in July (or earlier) so that you’re ready to go for the season. I actually always have one suit that I keep as a spare. That way if a hospital calls for a visit to a terminal patient in January, I don’t have to scramble to meet this important need. My closet will be fully squared away and ready to go by January 6th: all suits repaired, fur cleaned, spare gloves, shined belt and buckle. No longer do I dread “all that work” in November. It’s long since in the rear view mirror.

Say hello to each person you encounter. Pray for every one you meet. Pray out loud if they seem to be in need. It does make a difference. Bring that joy right along with you like a good reindeer.

Children in the projects and in the mansion on the lake are exactly alike. They are thrilled to see Santa. If you don’t visit both in any given year, you’ve missed out on a child that could use your time. Try to do an equal number of visits to those in need and those who pay your way.

Keep an eye out for a nice teddy bear. You never know when an aching heart will need it.

Grandparents in the hospital seem to hurt worse than mom and dad. Let everyone else do their thing for a few minutes and pray with Grandpa. In all my years of doing this, he’s the one in the most pain. Be sincere, don’t promise, just understand. You must remember they’re all kids at heart and a moment with Santa can truly heal.

Say Merry Christmas to everyone. Even if they are clearly not of your faith. Do it in as many languages as you can muster. That startled look is replaced with a smile at least 90% of the time. It brings Christ’s message home: I love you even if I don’t agree with you.

Speaking with a four-year-old in his language is utterly priceless. Learn some simple phrases in a few languages and use them to bring that love home.

Drunks are usually painful to deal with as Santa. Keep that in mind next time you’re planning on drinking. Most of the world is way less amused than you are. I say this as a guy who consumed a tanker truck full of spirits in my time. I hope you have a safe, and sober, Christmas holiday.

It’s okay to shed a tear when your heart is breaking. If you’re worth anything as Santa that will happen most days. But you have to be listening and watching to have the experience. Don’t just perform, live the model that Nicholas of Myra left to follow.

Get some sleep. Take the Ibuprofen needed to deal with swollen feet and a sore back from your throne. Eat a hot meal every day. (Easier said than done.) Drink enough water. Remember that you’re mortal.

Make sure the parents get into the photo as well. Things change and that record of a happy moment is priceless.

Take time with God each day. I try to pray for every child and every family. God does listen. Pray especially hard for the ones that don’t treat you well.

Keep your clients notified of changes. Confirm your visits. Nothing stranger than showing up at the office party for the eighth straight year and finding an empty office and a new management team listed on the masthead.

Thank the doctors and nurses at the children’s hospital. They are Santa throughout the year in an exceptionally demanding job.

Stop what you are doing and look around at the people surrounding you. They love you and that’s priceless.

That battered old wicker chair you hated the first year is now a prized part of your life. Ten years in, you’d be sad to find a new chair replacing it – you’ve finally worn it to your satisfaction.

Leave something of yourself behind at each visit. A kind word, a special ornament, a smile on the memory disk. Don’t be there for the check, be there to celebrate.

This will be my final post until after Christmas. I hope your world is a glistening reminder of God’s love this Christmas. Celebrate the birth of a savior and the love of your family. Remember that all of it goes by at the speed of a sleigh in the sky.

Merry Christmas.

Richard Simmons Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.

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I have no idea what that title means. But I really liked it a few months ago when I was writing down blog ideas. I wish I’d put in a few sentences on what I was thinking about.

Only slightly demented, still not Richard Simmons

Only slightly demented, still not Richard Simmons

I would have used a picture of Richard Simmons, but celebrities rather zealously guard their image. I need a lawsuit like Stormy needs five more pounds.

I suspect that it referred to my proclivity to hang stuff on the exercise bike. My canning towels spent the summer there. Great spot on the recumbent bike to set cases of jars as well. Not such a great place to park my backside and pedal.

Until recently. I decided that since I’d survived surgery in the last few months it was time to get into better shape. I have been down in the basement riding that thing on a regular basis. I now remember what it is like to sweat when it’s cold out.

My basement is unheated. I do have a big screen television, a nice set of stereo headphones, and a dvr/cable device that allows me to store episodes of Jail until I’m ready to watch them. 32 of the little critters at last count. A nice supply of movies and documentaries on the shelf next to the dvr. I love documentaries. Come to think of it, I kind of like riding the bike.

Stormy has been going down with me when I work out. Not that she’s pumping iron, but if she’s in the basement at 5:30 in the morning, she’s not barking upstairs and waking normal people who sleep. That would be my wife.

In the basement she settles down on the rug by the shelves and turns her back to me. She doesn’t like the stairs. Nor does she like my taste in television. Tough hop, doggie girl.

This does not mean that I don’t sabotage myself with what I eat, nor will I proclaim myself fit. But I have noticed that my heartbeat is much more steady, my pulse and blood pressure lower, and my attitude better since I started this endeavor a while ago.

I’m even seriously contemplating going back to the gym to lift weights again in another two months. I need to get the cardio down before I go for strength. I still have a membership, and a new pair of lifting gloves I purchased about 6 years ago and never wore. It’s time.

Richard Simmons doesn’t live here anymore. But the me I used to be seems to have moved on as well.