I Guess Spring Is Here: It Arrived At 0340 Sunday Morning With A Set Of Sharp Toenails.

Posted on by

Nothing says SPRING quite like a gentle, nocturnal thunderstorm. That first rumble of thunder is followed by a very tense Shetland Sheep Dog (*Sheltie*) named Stormy (rather inappropriately named, I might add) trying to claw me to death in an attempt to warn me that the universe is doomed.

Springing Spring one thunderstorm at a time.

Springing Spring one thunderstorm at a time.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

I even got up and looked for The Silver Surfer trying to warn us, Lex Luthor with a chunk of Kryptonite, and the Joker. No sign of any of them. But that was of no comfort to Stormy.

No. None. She has a pattern. First a warning. Then she lets me doze off. There’s another warning right after I nod off. This is followed shortly by my pulling her up on the bed, looping an arm over her to prevent escape, and nodding off again.

She views my sleeping as a reason to escape. She jumps down, runs to the doorway to check for Godzilla, and then comes back to claw me some more. I would like to note, for the record, that not one time has Godzilla successfully attacked this little dog when I’ve had my arm around her. Just saying.

This presents a conundrum. Most of the time I sleep through the first few rumbles. She doesn’t. If I actually cared what the weather forecast portended, I’d make sure she got a yummy Benadryl snackie before we went to bed. I, however, grew up in the great state of Minnesota where the weather forecast is so useless that the on-air personalities regularly get caught in sudden showers without an umbrella or a rain coat. The legendary Halloween blizzard of 1991 was “going to wrap up in the next few hours” when I tuned in to the evening news. I got home from driving my plow about 6 days later. Yeah. And they claim they can predict global warming.

No, I prefer to see what God dishes out at His whim. Stormy is not so fond of deities taking her delicate nervous system for granted. Drugs, clearly, are the answer. She doesn’t freak out. I sleep. She doesn’t have a stuffy nose from allergies. Win-Win.

It will rain again tonight. Guess who’s getting a little pink pill wrapped up in yummy meat-flavored goop?

Oh, just in case you were curious: the book is doing very well. Your purchases are appreciated, your reviews are desired. Thank you!

********* ********** *********** ***********

 

Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Just Another Brick In The Wall.

Posted on by

I completely understand that the title of this blog is without meaning in the context of today’s post. So why name it something unrelated? Eh, well, my publisher and publicist/social media person both like Pink Floyd and that song cropped up in a chat session last week. See how clear that is now? I’m loopy.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Loopy for a good reason. Today the final brick in the wall plopped into it’s spot: the audio book is now available. I guess the title did have some meaning after all. For new readers you should know, I sometimes amble about in a fog. Old readers are already switching back to youtube.com to see what those wacky pygmy goats are up to this week. (The first goat kind of sounds like me in chapter 17. It wasn’t a good day to record…)

Seriously, it’s all out there now. I’ve laid my soul bare and given it my all. There is a great risk in doing your own audio book: you can really mess it up. I have an additional challenge in my hearing. Yup, can’t hear a number of tones, some of them in the human vocal range. So I have to quality check the thing by cranking the volume and studying the wave forms on the screen. I have been assured by an unbiased judge of such things (my wife) that I did a good job. I’ve been recording books for others (the blind) for a number of years. Initially that’s what got me a break in the voice over field. I did it for the Minnesota State Services for the Blind and then did a book or two as a personal favor to some others without vision. Greatest compliment ever was when I was told that she forgot it was me reading the book and imagined Steve Harvey reading his own book.

I’m not Steve Harvey. I suspect he’ll forgive me for recording his book for a blind lady who’s a huge fan of his but can’t afford the book. But for my friend to forget my color, age, and level of fame and imagine the author reading it, was one of the greatest compliments I could have as a talent.

I may be rambling. It’s well after midnight and I’ve been busy since seven this morning with “author stuff” and the day job.

Thank you for dropping by today. Go watch the goats. Go watch Steve Harvey. Then, and only then, go listen to the sample chapter of my book on Amazon. I hope it grabs you.

********* ********** *********** ***********

 

Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” *That’s a 4 star review!*  Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.

Life Continues In Spite Of Now Being A Published Author.

Posted on by

I’m thinking about asking for a refund on my package deal to be a famous author. Mind you, it’s early on, but I was sure there were more benefits to this and my life would be a much easier trek once I was available on Amazon.com.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Today was a great example. When I got up, I still had to brush my own teeth and turn the alarm off before putting Stormy out. I realized no coffee was waiting for me either, so I had to make that or go without.

The laundry? Well, just like for the last 31 years I had to do that myself. I had brought the first basket down on Sunday before the launch. It was still there in the basement waiting today when I went down to check on the books I’d purchased to autograph. (Yeah, you do go look once in a while to see if it’s real.)

It also seems that public officials are not impressed with publishing status. The city permit inspector had the gall to ask me to get a permit for my new fence. Didn’t he know? (I didn’t know. I thought that if it was under six feet it was no permit. Not in Saint Paul. Everything requires a permit.)

The people at the permit office had obviously heard of me, and thus expedited my application with a minimal fee and smiles. They knew who they were dealing with and acted accordingly. I think.

Stormy didn’t seem overly impressed, either. In fact, she demanded I take her to the beauty salon so her butt could be shaved for the warm months. I complied.

Last, but not least, I got a hilarious four star review from an anonymous reviewer. It took me thirty minutes to figure out who it was and laugh all over again. Protect the innocent with anonymity is well and good, but it would help my ratings if the Pop… well, better not name the person who did the review. Let’s just say I was flattered to get such a glowing review from someone I consider to be a superstar.

You see, or maybe not, how it goes. I’m living the Rodney Dangerfield experience and I was assured that it would all be roses from here on.

Come to think of it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is just what I wanted.

Thank you all for your part in this voyage. Most especially, thank you for taking the time to write the reviews. They are the most important thing you can do. If you read it, review it. I look forward to your input.

********* ********** *********** ***********

 

Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” *That’s a 4 star review!*  Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.

The First Day Of Release Was A Complete Blessing.

Posted on by

Day one of my novel’s release was a complete blessing. I started the day off in a warm bed with a good roof. My loyal dog was guarding the door to my bedroom, keeping an eye on the joint. I had fresh donuts from P.J. Murphy’s, hot coffee, and a bit of fun watching a Ray Milland movie. I love Ray Milland.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

The contractor showed up on time and began work. I’m telling you folks, hiring a friend is always risky. But he’s an Armor Bearer at my church, a great guy, and there’ll be pictures when it’s all done.

Computer upgrades (bought a new one, souping it up before it goes live) went well, and my wife was at my side.

Throughout the day friends checked in. Other authors posted amazing reviews on Facebook, Twitter, and the various book sites.

My Amazon rankings went up by a factor of 10 in the space of one day.

I finished the day with my wife and three of our oldest friends. It was in honor of this good woman who has stood by me in this journey. A tough journey. A journey she helped edit and kibbitz on. A journey that included travelling to writer’s conferences and meetings where I hung out with a group of vital, beautiful, brainy women who write books. She allowed me to fly in two different bombers from WWII in order to research an upcoming book. And, most importantly, she sat quietly while I did the audio book. That, by the way, generally takes 5-6 takes of parts of it to get it right. Some chapters needed a lot of editing. And you have to play it back each time you change it to make sure it was all right and the sound levels were good.

My wife comforted me when anguish set in. Encouraged me when things were hard. Suggested better turns of phrase. Trusted me to be faithful when surrounded by the women mentioned above. Let me spend way more than I should have to fly around in 70 year old airplanes. And she turned off the horrible clicking noise on her tablet while I recorded my audio book (just kidding, dear).

She is the best. I love her dearly. I need her.

Finally, you kind of figure you’ll get a lot of reviews from your beta readers, your mom, and your friends. I also got one from a reader who heard about me on the Ace of Spades HQ blog. Never met the man. No reason he should be nice to me. His review blew me away. It is exactly what I hoped my book would do for a reader. I hit my target. I am blessed.

I am way ahead in this game due to God and my wife. The amazing review is posted below. Thank you, Robert Cairo – you made my day.

This novel had been recommended on the “Ace of Spades HQ” blog and decided to spring for a copy. I’m glad that I did; I found Courtemanche’s writing style to be clear and gripping. The hero of the story is Bobby Kurtz, a retired 50+ Cold Warrior with a “Santa Claus” physique who inadvertently foils a terrorist attack on the Catholic church, Saint Agnes. Kurtz ends up being recruited by Homeland Security due to his previous experience as Navy intelligence Arab linguist.

The novel mostly alternates between the viewpoints of Kurtz and one of the Muslim terrorist leaders, Hassan al Deen. The parts with Kurtz have the feel of a police procedural as Kurtz and his co-workers in Homeland Security try to locate the rest of the terrorist cell that attack Saint Agnes. The parts with Hassan are also interesting and give a picture into what motivates him. In the end, the good guys mostly win but the novel closes with a cliff-hanger and I hope we read more about Bobby Kurtz.

The author’s own military background shows through in the details; he is obviously a guy that has “been there and done that.” The characters are more than cardboard cut-outs and Courtemanche has a knack for painting a thumbnail sketch of a character’s background in a concise manner. There is some graphic violence but he doesn’t dwell on it.

The only thing that initially detracted from my enjoyment of the story were a number of coincidences that advanced the story. However, I came to conclusion that Courtemanche was showing the Hand of God at times by having the right people in the right place. Kurtz (and Courtemanche) are religious but the religious themes are dealt with lightly and from the perspective of a happy believer; however, you don’t need to be a believer to enjoy the novel.

********* ********** *********** ***********

 

Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew.” *That’s a 4 star review!*  Those few words, and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.

Can’t Beat A Brownie. Or, “How I Keep Humble On Launch Day for Assault On Saint Agnes.”

Posted on by

Assault on Saint Agnes goes live around the world today. Audio book is done, just waiting for Audible to post the links and put it up for sale. You’d think my head might swell a bit? Nah. The Church Ladies fixed that with chocolate and flour.

First Public Signing

First Public Signing

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Sunday, as it happens, was the first time I’d set up a table to autograph and sell books. I kid-you-not, my Pastor gave me a very rousing endorsement from the pulpit. I cannot thank him enough for his kind words and accolades.

The problem is, Sunday was also the church ladies bake sale.

I don’t know about the church you attend, but at my church you dare not compete for dollars with either barbecue or bakery. Those two trump everything else on the planet. I am a regular purchaser of said commodities myself. Both are sold to raise funds on a semi-annual basis. The people on the production end of both are beyond talented: they are the Da Vinci’s of cooking.

It was my misfortune to compete for spare income against the carrot cake and brownie assortment. I even left my own signing table and went to check out the goods!

In all fairness, I did sell a bunch of books. It was a good day for any author with a new book. I’m hoping that as you read this today, it will be a great day for this author on the virtual sales floor at Amazon.com.

While I’m hoping that you buy the book, I do promise not to turn this blog into nothing but a sales platform. Every post will have the usual shill for the book (in a different color so you can filter it out) but unless something happens regarding an award, or some sales goal I need help with, I will not write about it every day after this week. This week I need the numbers!

If you’ve read the book, I’d very much appreciate it if you’d go to Amazon.com and write a review. Do the same at Goodreads.com and barnesandnoble.com. It makes a gigantic difference in how the book shows up in sales search engines when you review it online. Your review is worth as much to me as what you paid for the book. Thus, I beseech you: review the book!

********* ********** *********** ***********

 

Yes, Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.

I have a favor to ask of my readers: would you kindly share this blog with your friends, family, and colleagues? We hit 2 million views in 2016, and while the readership continues a nice growth trend, it could be a lot better. Just hit the Facebook like button, share it on your timeline, tweet the blog with a link, and tell that person at the next desk that there’s this lunatic who writes about all sorts of stuff that they might like.

I appreciate your help.