I’m A Native Minnesotan. I Am Challenged In The Common Sense Department During Blizzards.

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Monday, the 22nd of January, 2018, there was a blizzard in Minnesota. Like many natives, I put my common sense in a small box and stored it away until midnight. I knew the forecasters had missed the mark, and the Twin Cities were likely to get walloped. (*That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.*) Consequently, I packed my older snow shoes and my winter play clothes into my backpack, and hauled them to work. Worst case scenario was that I’d take the bus with a backpack full of unused winter gear.

Honestly, this was on my route home.

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Looking down from my cell in the sky (some call it “work”) I gleefully begged for a foot of snow in the next 8 hours. Every hour, it got deeper, heavier. Emails and texts started coming in that various businesses and schools were closing for the day. The day had finally arrived, after 15 years of imagining it, I was going to snow shoe to/from work.

The shift ended and I suited up. I very politely waited to put the snow shoes on until I got to the outer lobby. I figured if my wife didn’t let me wear them in the house, I’d probably do well to respect my employer’s building as well.

Once outdoors, I spent the first 15 minutes trying to clean off a lady’s car and get her on the road. Nope, she was stuck in the parking spot. We’d blown past 12 inches and were heading north quickly. Got my warm-up in doing that little task.

I headed down the sidewalk, through the heavy snow. As I moved along, I marveled at all the pretty lights on the cars stalled in traffic. I was passing them, and now began to run into the pedestrians moving to the Minnesota Wild game at the Xcel Energy Center.

As they fought to stay in the narrow goat-paths worn in the snow, I just stepped to the side and kept on cruising through the deep stuff. I got a lot of positive comments on my forethought. The others, the polite ones, said nothing as this lunatic on snow shoes, festooned with a pack larger than most children and a host of blinking lights, moved on past them. It was fun. Pure fun.

Three miles later, after breaking trail through the drifts along West Seventh, it wasn’t quite so much fun. It was a darned hard workout. Especially going over the railroad bridge. Deep snow, and a grade, had me short of breath. I’m in way better shape than a year ago, but it was a challenge after already slogging two miles in the drifts.

When I arrived on my block, I took the alley to the house. I figured I’d grab a shovel, clear the steps, and go inside to change out of my sweaty/cold clothing and put on my polar suit. That changed when I saw the three-foot drift up against the overhead door. It was no better looking into the back yard – it was deep. Really deep.

I fired up the snow blower for the first time in almost 2 years (Been shoveling for the excercise) and began hacking at the snow drifts. They were dense, and hard to cut through.

Three hours later, after blowing snow for more than a few neighbors, I grabbed a shovel and cleaned up the steps and sidewalks. Snow is just frozen water. If you don’t back it away from all the sidewalks, and get it right down to the concrete, the next day’s sunshine will melt it, and turn it into ice. Which is bad. So I did the heavy lifting and cleared it all down to concrete.

Four-and-a-half hours after leaving my desk, I’d completed an epic trek home, shoveled and pushed a snowblower for hours, and made it inside where I put all my nasty gear in the wash, and the shoes on the shoe-dryer.

It was a great day. I was very pleased that I could handle the exertion. Two years ago it would have killed me. Now, after significant weight loss and exercise, it just felt good. A few sore muscles, a lack of potassium in my bloodstream, but a good feeling.

And I got to snow shoe from work to my house after almost fifteen years of planning. I will do it again.

More snow shoe in the near future. The Luminary Loppet was a victory, with a great team of friends.

Now, on to Wisconsin. Lake Superior calls. Time to prove, once again, that I can walk on water.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is available here. Just click this link!

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Welcome to Minnesota.

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At this very moment visitors to the great state where I live are climbing into their cars, boarding a train, or flying toward my location. Many of them are coming for the big game (I’d use the name, but the league that controls pointy-ball soccer gets ugly and wants money for the honor of promoting their event) or to see the mirthful glee that is the Winter Carnival.

As a courtesy, and a service, to those visitors, I’m offering this welcome guide. Not the usual tourist stuff that the chamber of commerce types would spout, but a real guide to the metro area and all the wonder that is Minnesota. Yes, I’m including some out-state information as well. Picture it as a guide to survival and fun for our visitors. Locals, hopefully, already know all this stuff.

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Let’s do the basics right away and save visitors a wealth of agony.

1. That clear stuff on every flat outdoor surface is ice. If you don’t have good tread on your shoes, or even if you do, you will likely fall on your backside. If you’re lucky. Don’t try to break your fall with your out-stretched arms. That usually results in a broken wrist. Instead, attempt to fall sideways and settle for a broken rib.

2. If you experience #1, don’t attempt to fall gently into a snowbank. Snowbanks currently have the fluffiness of cement blocks. They are composed of road debris, shards of cars that crashed during the last blizzard, and ice. Lots of dirt as well. They probably will hurt as much as the sidewalk they cover. Which leads me to our next item.

3. Do not attempt to hurdle a snowbank unless you are from a snowy climate. You will find them solid as a rock unless you jump on top to attempt to scramble down the other side. Once on top, it will give way under your weak ankle, and take you sliding into the roadway. Being crushed by a slush-spewing bus is a bad thing.

4. Do not attempt to buy drugs while in Minnesota. I am quite confident that you will stick out in some of the drug neighborhoods as a lovely target with your out of town plates. Besides, you do not have the local accent. If you insist, be advised that you will probably be buying ditch weed at best, something made in a mobile home at worst. Here is the map of places you shouldn’t go to buy drugs. Crime Map

5. Same goes for hookers as for drugs. Really good chance that you just got lucky with an undercover cop. Probably not the way you want your family to envision your weekend with the boys. But if you insist, here’s a list of bail bond companies at the link.

Lest you think all is a hazard in our fine state, I should probably throw in some entertainment kind of stuff for you to enjoy. Yes, I probably should.

Instead, I’ll tell you what’s out there on the “must-see” side, and then what you’d actually enjoy.

If you go to the link for the big game, there are all sorts of sanctioned events.

If you go to the link for the Winter Carnival, there are all sorts of sanctioned events.

Nice, eh? Lots of places to spend lots of money. But you could do all that big-game stuff in almost any city. The Winter Carnival you can do almost every year. This year, for a change, we’re blessed with snow. So go do some snow stuff. If you’re not interested, that’s cool (pun completely intended). But there’s all sorts of activities around here where you can go snow shoeing, cross country skiing, and have some real fun ice fishing. I’d suggest you run a search with winter activities & snow & minnesota & 2018 . Because, if you’re not in the mood for a raging-alcohol-fueled week, that’s the fun stuff around here this time of year. Things like the Luminary Loppet. You don’t have to participate, but being out on the lake after dark and watching the racers is going to be beautiful and fun.

Find yourself a great ethnic restaurant. We (*all Minnesotans who live in the Twin Cities*) have this fabulous idea that we’re a big city. No, we’re not. We’re a larger city on the prairie with some serious suburbs. There is world-class entertainment and dining in the area without a doubt. But, frankly, we’ve milked the Prince and lutefisk things about as far as we can. I hope you find some of our local gems and take a memory home.

If you’re looking for superior food from the Asian side of the planet, there’s a bunch of restaurants in Saint Paul along University Avenue. From about Snelling to the State Capitol, you will be amazed at the variety of cool stuff to eat. Don’t wander more than a few blocks off University unless you’re dead-set (pun intended) on searching out numbers 4 and 5 above. I live here and so I get to make fun of my neighborhood. Keep the “we don’t belong here” scene from Vacation in mind and you’ll do just fine (lANGUAGE WARNING).

During the day you should get a rental car and drive up north of the Twin Cities. I couldn’t even tell you why, but the natives all seem to “go up north” about 40 weeks a year. It is a biological imperative. Don’t do it at night, or you’ll find out why deer are our mortal enemy. Hard on the rental car. Deer, it seems, feel a need to play “Frogger” with cars on the roads once the sun sets.

Last, but not least, ignore any local imbeciles who want to “get even with Philly.” As noted above, we have pretensions of being a big city. I’ve been to Philly. We aren’t even the cheese on their steak.

Enjoy your stay in Minnesota. And then leave. It’s too danged cold for sensible people. Come back in the summer when you can enjoy the swamp-like heat and mosquitoes.

Skol. (That’s old Norse for “next year, maybe.”)

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When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

12 Strong – A Review. Five Stars *****

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Just for a change, why don’t you go watch the movie and then come back and read this silly blog. You truly have to see this on the big screen.

No? Well, I figured you’d be stubborn. You are, after all, reading the blog of one of the most stubborn men in North America. Fine. I’ll talk about the movie. It’s worthy of discussion. Let’s start with the trailer for 12 Strong:

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Looked pretty good, eh? It’s even better on the big screen – especially in a theater that has awesome sound. Why? Because nothing sounds like a fighter jet screaming by your location at ground level, or a helicopter sitting on top of you, or being inside a helicopter quite like this movie does. I don’t know how they managed it, but the sound hits you in the chest and makes you smell the kerosene. I imagine it will give some folks a flashback. I just got high on adrenaline when it happened.

The second thing they got right was dirt. I’ve never been deployed as a ground troop. But just getting from point “A” to point “B” in tactical aircraft is dirty work. You will stink. You will be greasy/oily. And you will have dust all over you. It’s hard manual labor being in the military. This movie shows that very well.

The film also shows how flexibility plays into the day when you’re in an intelligence/special ops unit. You might not even be eligible to go, but sometimes you have to go. Either you want it, or Uncle Sam wants it. No matter who’s choice it is, you’re going – or not going. And you get to tell your wife. I suppose now that includes telling your husband. But no matter who it is, it sucks. Not fun. Part of the truth of your life in the military.

Now for the actual review part like the real critics do it. Nah. I’ll just say that it’s action packed, good acting, good insight into the cultural aspects of the unit itself and the Afghans – based on what I know. It is very well done visually, and you will probably duck for cover at more than a few of the combat scenes. I was impressed that they found so many weapons for the movie that would have been present.

It is a tale of heroism, grit, and the American military at its very best. Patriotic movies are not frequently seen on the big screen anymore, but this one will have you waving the flag. There is no doubt who the bad guys are when the screen lights up. Especially that idiot on the end of my row who took two phone calls during the movie. I put him right up there with Mullah Omar.

This movie will also serve as a recruiting tool. If you don’t want to do this kind of mission, it won’t appeal to you that way. But if you’re a youngster with an itch to be the best around, this will drag you into the recruiting office the following Monday. No offense to my SEAL friends, but long before I knew they existed, I was a Green Beret fan as a kid. It was the peak of the Vietnam war, and the SEALS were not talked about much. Besides, John Wayne was a Green Beret. Can’t beat John Wayne. This will be the Green Berets of today’s generation. That’s a good thing in my opinion.

I was never a Green Beret (That’s bleeding obvious to anyone who knows me and my lazy streak.) But the humor, and the smart-aleck moments ring very true given that I’ve been around for a minute or two with other special operators. There is one scene when a helicopter is taking off that made me laugh out-loud. I even knew all the words to the song. I watched the video of that song just now, and it has to go in this review – because it’s the story of these men. Written by Ssgt. Barry Sadler over 30 years before the mission. Some things change very little with time.

Conclusion: Excellent flick. Go see it on the big screen. Waiting for it on Netflix won’t do it justice. Five very big stars on this one.
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Assault on Saint Agnes is available here. Just click this link!

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

Code Girls: A Book Review

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In my misspent youth, I was a Cryptologic Technician in the United States Navy. We often laughed about running afoul of the “Little old-ladies in tennis shoes” at NSA. I suspect that some of those feared women were the heroes of this book by Liza Mundy, Code Girls: The Untold Story of the American Women Code Breakers of World War II.

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The book is excellent. The stories of these women is told in a way that gives you not just a flavor of the times, but of the intense nature of their quest to break codes. The stress is palpable, and having done some of this kind of work, I fully get the torture they were feeling when things were not going well, codes remained unbroken, or personal tragedies were revealed to them in the course of their activities, and they couldn’t talk about it to anyone.

Heroes. Each of the people involved in that code-breaking effort was a hero. The turmoil that work causes in the life of the operator is unbelievable.

I don’t review books like most people. But what I will say is that this book is a joy to read, excellent choice of subject matter, and an inside look into the war’s greatest secret.

Now, why should you read it? There is a story here that will put an end to the revisionist history you have been subjected for the past 40 years. There are truths in the world, and one of them is that our enemies, and a few of our friends, during the war were evil. These women read the mail of the devil. They understood what could, and would, happen if they failed to do their jobs well. It is also a story of life in the shadows, as they were sworn to secrecy. It’s a tough thing to deal with that kind of stress, and it’s almost unbearable for some of us. Indeed, it’s a miracle that more of those code-breakers didn’t crack up.

One other reason I loved the book is Liza Mundy’s turn of phrase. She had me chuckling and smiling in appreciation of her wordsmith skills. Very gifted writer.

Finally, I’d like to honor a code girl that I know: My wife, and fellow Navy CTI2, Kip. I am so proud of you, and so glad that I met you. Better still that I conned you into marrying me.

Code Girls – read it.

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Assault on Saint Agnes is available here. Just click this link!

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.

I Want My Winter. Now, Please.

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In the run-up to Christmas every year, I pray for a bit of snow to set the scene. Few things in life are more miserable than schlepping around the Twin Cities in a Santa suit dodging torrential rains. Especially true at 40 degrees, knowing that a 10 degree temperature drop will immobilize the universe for two days. Snow, on the other hand, in small doses, is pretty. It helps business. It gets people in the mood for spending money on extravagant things like.. ME! And, if it’s in moderation, it means you can drive without a problem.

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It is now after Christmas. I need snow. About 20 inches would do nicely – we’re about that much short right now. I can handle it any day of the week. You see, I have just hit the “purchase” button on a brand-new pair of Fimbulvetr Tankr snowshoes. Now I need snow.

What, you might ask, does a guy with three pairs of snowshoes need another set for in this universe? The answer is simple: because I worked my backside off this past year, and this is my Christmas present to me. *(Besides, two of those pairs are military surplus and more of a lark than anything else, and the other pair is on life-support after 10 seasons.)*

Why the most expensive snowshoes on the market? The same reason I own some really expensive weapons: they’re worth it.

Every review is stellar. I’ve handled the other models in their line and been very impressed with the weight, the bindings (Moron Proof – which I need) are nifty, and the magic number 352. Yes, these bad-boys are designed to handle 352 pounds. I’ve never seen another shoe that could take that weight. I am no longer at that weight, but you add a pack full of water, food, a tent… well, you add a pack full of energy drinks and beef jerky- yeah, that sounds better – and a fair amount of winter gear, and you could hit that mark. More importantly, since I’m well under the weight, it means that I will float on the snow, not plunge to the bottom with every step.

These things had better be as cool as I anticipate, or I might start crying. I have been ogling them for a year, so this is not an impulse purchase. The price never goes down. Kind of like waiting for a model-year clearance on a Bugatti – won’t happen. I waited this long only because I wanted to spend some time finishing off the old pair and seeing if this amazing replacement got sold a bit cheaper at the end of last season. Well, the old pair survived with a minor bit of crampon sharpening, but they’re almost done if the bindings are any indication. The Tankr ain’t going on sale.

If you see a very happy looking Yetti marching around on puke-green snowshoes, it’s probably me. I promise some video once they arrive.

Two days business delivery free. Checked the box.

Now, we wait.
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Assault on Saint Agnes is available here. Just click this link!

When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.