For those of you planning on voting for Hillary based on her genitalia, this entire blog can be skipped. Probably forever. Since women are clearly (in your opinion) the superior sex in every possible way, my only question would be “Which color among them is the very best?” Be honest, if you’re such a dumbbell that you’d vote for a candidate strictly based on their genitals, you must also have a color preference as well.
Friday, just before the long weekend, the data dump hit regarding the most recent 15,000 + emails found on Hillary’s private server. The server that was illegal, in and of itself, for use in her position. Don’t bother to lecture me that any other official anywhere ever sent a private email. This server was used in the place of the official government channels. The reason? It’s mighty hard to gather Freedom of Information Act data from a private server. You can hide all your sins that way.
Second, criminal intent is not, actually, a part of making it a criminal act. Merely the mishandling of classified information qualifies you for a stint in prison. I know about these things. People I know who did things a couple of orders of magnitude less damaging were punished severely. Her emails were felonies. I know the battle cry is, “But if it was illegal, why wasn’t she arrested?” Kind of the same reason that Bill Clinton was never arrested for perjury: because he is a Clinton.
Now, back to the title of this blog today.
Hillary’s excuse, if you read the FBI information release, is that she didn’t remember ever doing anything naughty, nor did she remember getting briefings on handling classified information. Further, she said that perhaps her concussion made her forget that those things happened.
Let’s just stop right there. She has admitted that she’s either brain damaged or stupid. If you don’t buy either, because it would disqualify her from being president, that leaves liar as your option.
Time to pick, America. She already has.
********* ********** *********** ***********
Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.
When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.
On occasion, someone will ask me how they can get into the field of voice over work. Usually it’s somebody who has a decent voice, a voice that could reasonably be expected to delight a listener. Other times, it’s an actor (usually amateur) who thinks it would be a great way to increase their revenue stream. Most unusual, and most uncomfortable of the lot, is the person who has no distinction to their voice, can’t act, and who thinks that any gravy-train that a moron like Joe Courtemanche can ride should have a seat for them as well.
I usually explain to people that in the past 10 years of professionally doing voice work I’ve managed to earn less than $20,000. That’s probably about $6,000 too high, but I’m going to be an optimist. I’ve worked a lot of small projects that paid a few hundred dollars, and they do add up. My agents have found me work that is very lucrative, but infrequent. Even if I go with the big number, it’s less than $2,000 a year.
For that $2,000 I’ve paid $200 a year in dues to a voice over service. I’ve invested about $1,500 in cabling, computer software, amplifiers, microphones, and quieting material. I’ve auditioned hundreds of times for fewer than 100 paying gigs – probably about one paying job for every 40 auditions. Those auditions cost me time setting up, rehearsal, and not doing something else in my life that I probably would have enjoyed a lot more.
Recently I completed an audio book for another author. I did it as a speculative project with another voice over talent through my www.voxmasters.com entity. (Yeah, the website is pretty lame, but it’s low on the priority list at the moment.) We agreed to do it for 50% of the profits from the audio book so that we could point to the finished work as a sales reference. Why? Because while we make magic on the microphone, if you have nothing to prove it (and nobody wants to listen to my Norwegian hog semen sample for some reason) it didn’t happen. So we figured we’d just blow away one segment of the market with the best darned audio book they’d ever heard and hope it led to more work. The paid in advance kind.
That book, which was 74,000 words, took over 100 hours of time to record, edit, and produce. You not only have to have all the equipment noted above, but you have to rehearse and be ready for a day with no thunderstorms. No sirens. No industrial lawn mowers in the park. No C-130’s practicing touch-and-go landings at the nearby airport. No nada. That means that even in a very quiet room (we don’t have a studio) you still have to wait for those moments when the ambient noise, beyond the baffling you set up, will not crop up on your recording.
You need to record it at that point. It’s not just sitting on the stool in front of the microphone and reading aloud. It’s acting. You have to really feel the story to make it work. To prove the point, pick up any book you have at hand (hopefully it will be Assault on Saint Agnes!) and read it out loud while recording it on your smart phone. Now play it back. Sounds stilted? Lifeless? Yeah, it will the first few times you do it. I did over a dozen audio books for the blind before I ever did one that might be commercially viable. It’s hard work. And it’s time consuming.
It usually takes at least 4 takes of some parts to get it right. That means that the finished 7 minutes of audio really was about 18 minutes of recording before you’re sure you got it right and can move on to editing. Once it’s “in the can,” you need to listen to it again, make sure you didn’t click the mouse, have the wrong words tumble out, and take out the noises you make when you cough, swallow, or shift your feet. That part usually takes about 30 minutes for the finished 7 minutes of audio, because you have to be sure.
Now, after you’ve got the files with all the words, you have to balance them. That means tamping down on the microphone pops that some letters make – called “plosives” – and level the sound. That, for a 7 minute recording, takes anywhere from an additional 0 minutes (yeah, that was a great chapter – I had two of forty-seven like that) to around 20 minutes.
Now, everything is good and balanced, you upload it to the net servers for the audio book company and wait for them to approve the files. Then the rights holder gets it to play with and approve. Then it goes on sale.
So after 100 hours of work you might, maybe, make four dollars per copy sold. Do the math and tell me how many copies you have to sell before you have earned minimum wage on the book you just poured your guts into!
Mind you, there’s an art to doing it well. I think we have done just that – we brought the book to life!
But it’s no get-rich-quick scheme. Yes, some artists do very well. But they hustle every day until they are discovered. And if there’s a “big talent” in your market who catches all the gravy, or union guys who are in demand, you’re not going to work very often.
So, to my friends who ask how to get into the voice over world, I’d discourage you for all of the reasons above. But if you really want to try it, go take that voice over class at the community ed program or your local theater. That’s where I started.
I’ll keep you posted on how it goes, sales-wise.
But don’t try to sell me that Mercedes quite yet, the final files are still pending approval.
********* ********** *********** ***********
Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.
When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.
For those of you not familiar with the Pokemon Go! game, it involves a tablet or cellphone with special programs, internet capability, and a screen big enough to get you killed because you can’t pay attention to anything else. Played largely in urban areas, it is thought to be a form of retroactive abortion designed to weed out the geeky and nerdy among our young, and the hopelessly clueless in the soon-to-be-in-a-care-facility crowd.
I am often told, by scolds of all ilk, that I’m too judgmental. Are they not judging me in telling me this? I may be digressing, but I will judge those playing this “harmless” game. I am reminded, by me, that it’s no different than the Dungeons and Dragons crowd when I was the same age.
My peers at the time will remember the generous heaping of scorn I allocated to that pursuit. I always wondered what was wrong with them that they were smoking weed and playing D&D when they could have been drinking bourbon and playing Trivial Pursuit. Yes, I was a nerd, but a nerd with a grasp of reality. Darkened through some bourbon, but reality all the same. And I could fill a pie in under 20 minutes. Being eidetic has its pluses. Unfortunately, said bourbon consumption made that a historical issue.
So where is this wandering bucket of smoldering hatred going? Why it’s leading to the official rules for playing Pokemon Go! in my presence:
1. Don’t block the sidewalk when I’m on my way to the bus or work. The amount of damage that a bearded, bald, 300 + pound man with large forearms can do to you as he charges down the sidewalk yelling “COMING THROUGH!” is a thing of beauty. Or, quite possibly, ambulances, for the average person staring at their screen waiting for a sorbitalian to appear.
2. Don’t charge me as you pursue a virtual game. Bad things happen if I stop abruptly and you crash into me. Promise you I’m still standing but you have some marks.
3. Don’t drag your three year old past me at a dead run at 2215. I will intervene for that frightened child. You will not like it. The child welfare people won’t be too happy with you when I get done making my statement.
4. Don’t run out into traffic. I know that sounds like a joke, but the number of greasy smears on bumpers is growing. Wednesday night I saw three or four zombie herds cross in front of angry motorists. Not one of them looked up at traffic before sprinting out into the path of oncoming cars. The car will win.
5. Don’t abuse the homeless in your pursuit of virtual prizes. See number 3, modify that just a tad, and combine it with number 1. Seems the game attracts a bit of a nasty crowd who prey on others. Ain’t going to tolerate that one either. I know many of the street people from cooking for them over the years. Friends is what I call them. Don’t mess with my friends.
In conclusion, act like real people. Try to be something other than a moron. I am a moron. I have been a moron for years. But you’re young enough to avoid being a moron. Find another pursuit. Running people down, dragging your toddler through the streets at late hours, and driving around with the phone on the wheel while you ignore your lane and all about you qualifies you as a possible permanent member of that group. I can still change. Can you?
********* ********** *********** ***********
Assault on Saint Agnes is now available. Just click this link to find all the options! (I recommend the autographed copy. It’s cheaper than from the big stores, I scribble in it, and you get it mailed within 5 days. We all win.
When you finish reading any book (especially mine) please review it at www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and www.goodreads.com. Your review increases the chances of someone looking for a new book greatly. Authors appreciate your review, even if it is just “I thought this was a good read and will give it to my dog to chew. I especially liked the ending, because it made me feel better when he killed all of the main characters. (no spoilers, please)” Those few words (more than 20, fewer than 1,000 is ideal), and a 1-5 rating, make or break how the search engines find us. Thanks in advance.
Yeah, it’s a straight up shill. But I’ve always wanted to be number one on Amazon and the book has a shot. Your sharing this post on your social media will help me a lot. Not just liking it, but sharing it. I need that help!
We’ve been watching the numbers for a while, and it’s hovering in the top 200-500 most days in it’s categories. We saw it zoom to #120 when we dropped the price – and before we told anyone.
