I Was Pretty Sure It Wasn’t Turkeys This Time.

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I saw something today that put me right back into the 1970’s and the television show WKRP in Cincinnati. In one of the best of the series, the station holds a promotion where they … well, here’s the video:

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Images, music, scents, and tastes from our youth often come screaming out of the closet when an appropriate neuron fires in recognition. I had that happen today. Partly it was because of WKRP, partly because I have a twisted mind that operates in it’s own universe.

I’d just been to Walmart to buy dog biscuits, shower curtains, and cold medicine. Sounds like a party, right? Well, as I rounded the curve in the road leaving the big box, I spotted one of those construction platforms at full extension about five stories up. The kind you use to put pallets of sheet rock on the roof of a building site.

Dangling from the platform was a banner. When I got close enough to read the banner I spotted a bunch of little tents from a local radio station adorning the front of the grocery store where the construction crane was located. My brain immediately sent my eyes searching for turkeys plummeting to the earth. It’s kind of cold today, I figured maybe they were just chucking 25 pound Butterball’s from the platform. I have no clue what they were doing, but it did make me laugh.

If anyone was watching, that’s what I was laughing about: a great memory from almost four decades ago.

Tomorrow, most of us will share memories with our families, including a few moments that are on a par with turkey bombing in the world of the surreal. All of us have some memory of Thanksgiving that we bring to the fore when the event rolls around. I certainly do, and it’s not the warm family home with the dog under the table and the pie in the oven.

Nope, I have two of those memories. The first is Monterrey, California, three decades ago. I had my meal at the Naval Post Graduate School. My girlfriend (currently my wife) was back at the barracks in a narcotic fog. She’d elected to get her wisdom teeth pulled the day before Thanksgiving. Gooned out would be too kind a phrase for the impact of the drugs on that blond hottie. I got special permission from the Officer of the Day to have her stay in my barracks room and be in my bed while we watched Bewitched reruns on my $50.00 Gold Star television. Lunch was great, taking care of her even better. One of those bonding things that couples have to go through to know if they’re going to make it in the long run.

The second memory that always runs up is 1987 on the U.S.S. Coral Sea. I wrote about it two years ago (hard to believe this thing is still around, isn’t it?) and refer you to the story to read it in full. A time of my life that has guided me to this day.

I am blessed to be here to write this today. I know that full well. I thank you for your patronage. I’m not focused on statistics, but it is with great joy that I report that this blog has been visited over 1,000,000 times in the past three years. Throw out the robots from the search engines, and it still leaves me with approximately 750,000 visits in that time. Here’s the first blog post ever. I’m putting it up just to show that I have improved somewhat with practice.

It’s time for me to blog. Almost every day I have some useless thing to blather about that somehow eludes me when I sit down later to actually put it to paper. I can now spew nonsense from my phone. And I will do just that as time permits.

I will do one post per week to begin. Maybe more. It all depends on how angry/happy/silly/vociferous I am on any given day.

In the meantime, thanks for dropping by.

I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

Be well.

For Those Of You Rooting For Rioting…

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Shame on you. Same thing for those of you who have taken to social media ranting about “Jesus will judge Darren Wilson, and it won’t be pretty.”

Kudos to those of you posting prayer line numbers in your social media.

Therein lies the difference between stupid and evil versus informed and good.

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No matter what the result of the grand jury’s deliberations, the professional instigators were well prepared with pre-printed signs, stored weapons, and microphones for the bull horns. Some thrive on chaos. They profit from it. And, sadly, they drag well-intentioned dupes in their wake.

Others, who understand that not everything in this life will play out the way you want, sat down to pray. I’d personally asked for brutal cold and a freak blizzard at the time of the announcement. Anything to minimize the damage and loss of life in Ferguson.

One of the most telling things I saw this evening was one of Michael Brown’s cousins being interviewed on cable news. He was opposed to the violence and looting. But as the interview went on, I realized that the judgement of many is clouded with personal feelings. In essence, this man said that he could understand it if Michael had died in the police car while beating the officer and trying to get his gun. But he didn’t understand how Wilson could have shot him after he got out of the car, even if Michael was rushing toward the officer.

Second chances. We don’t always get them in this life. Michael did and he blew it. For whatever reason, he returned the presence of the officer and went at it again. Not my conclusion, but that of the grand jury. That’s why there was no indictment. Michael Brown could have walked away and sought help for his wounds but he chose to go back and confront Darren Wilson. It cost him his life.

I wasn’t there, I claim no insight other than reality: charge a man with a gun who just shot you and you’re liable to die. I’ve known that for decades. Michael learned that vital lesson a bit too late. This applies to men with and without badges. In fact, unless you want to put your life on the table and play for keeps, don’t charge anyone. Ever. It’s the best way.

Pray for Ferguson and other big cities. The pre-printed placards are out across the nation. Don’t let them pull you into violence and destruction. This country has a good record with the ballot box. That’s where the effort should be made. Arson just destroys. Reasoned argument wins out in our system. Work the system. And then pray some more.

I’d Like To Chime In On The Caudillo’s Speech.

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For those of you who posted things on their twitter feed last night like, “You’re only POTUS once, let them have it.” you can probably skip this blog. If you like this freedom of speech thing, and have any reverence for the Constitution and the rule of law, read on a bit further.

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Let’s get this out in the open: He doesn’t care what you think now that the election is over. Our president is doing what he pleases and ruling by fiat. His excuse that every president, Republican or Democrat, has done the same thing is right along the lines of, “But Billy’s a bigger thief than me, why am I being punished.” I’d like for all of them to uphold the law.

Executive orders are designed to handle emergencies. Period. Full stop. They have been corrupted over the years, and Obama has now taken them to their zenith. Today I heard him tell the nation that he was tired of waiting for Congress to pass laws, so he was going to do it on his own and they’d better catch up. He actually said that once they pass a law he can sign he’ll rescind the executive order he is issuing on immigration. Sorry, Barry, not how it works.

In our nation, the Congress is supposed to pass legislation. The president has the option of signing it after it is presented to him. Sometimes there is no legislation to sign. The opposition calls that gridlock. I call it the best thing around. I don’t want government passing more laws, I’d like to see a whole bunch of them repealed. But when the legislative branch chooses not to pass a law, that doesn’t give the executive the power to write his own laws. And, Thursday night, that’s what he effectively did to our nation. He assumed dictatorial power over things that the legislative branch saw fit to leave alone.

For the two remaining fans of Barack Hussein Obama still reading along, let me remind you of this: When your guy does it it’s pretty neat. When the other guy does it it sucks. When it’s done legally there is course to redress. When it’s illegal, it hurts everyone, and sets a terrible precedent for the future.

I don’t like anyone in Washington telling me that they’re going outside the law and the constitution to change policy. Period. None of them. Because when the next group of clowns takes over, and it will happen, they could pull the same stuff.

Many honorable nations have fallen under the spell of leaders who usurp their constitutional powers. It is a tragically bad idea that has led to innumerable wars and despotic situations. Not that a lame-duck president will be in a position to do so, for that is very unlikely given the results of the last election. But it’s a bad idea no matter who is in power to rule by fiat.

Our founders set this nation up with a set of checks and balances. Gridlock sometimes results. As it is supposed to be.

Mr. President, you have held the opinion for years that what you did on Thursday is illegal. Why, now, do you feel that you can violate that legal threshold and rule like a dictator?

I’d like a straight answer. Haven’t heard one yet. If you are of a mind, watch the video and he will tell you, in his own words, just how wrong his actions were on Thursday. Let me know how you square that one in the comments.

Just by the way, it’s still valid even if it’s on Fox.

Life Is A Blooper Reel For Most Of Us – But Without The Retakes.

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If you’re honest with yourself, you find that you have the dumbest things to say when the pressure is truly on. You think of the right thing immediately following the misprounounced name/idiotic idea passing the threshold of your lips.

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We’d all like to have the opportunity to go back and shoot that scene again. This Seinfeld blooper reel is hysterical. Most of our lives are negatively impacted when we do the same thing – unless we can laugh at the mistakes like the cast does in this video.

Perhaps the lack of self-deprecation is what I notice most in my world. I’m pretty hard on myself. My mom says I should quit it (Hi, Mom!) and give myself credit for what I do. I take the opposite view of the thing: I’m not doing all that much and my flaws and foibles are way more fun to bash on than the good stuff is to trot out and praise.

I know, deep in my heart, that I try to do the right thing most of the time. There are exceptions, but so far the people at Sam’s club haven’t caught me letting out blood-curdling screams in empty aisles. (The key is to make sure your face is not pointed at the camera. Then, when the staff comes running, look around like you wonder who that was as well.) The screw ups are sometimes so awesome that I must catalog them for your enjoyment.

The past few weeks have not lent themselves to lampooning. I’ve been working on some soul-recovery issues. My life is good, please don’t misunderstand. However, it’s been a tough past couple of months in some ways and I needed to hit the road, see America, and hang out with my fellow lunatics. Sober moments in some ways, very light in others. But not much of it will see the light of this blog.

I’m working on laughing at the flubbed lines. It’s actually way easier than it looks on paper. You just have to back away from the ledge and take a good look in the mirror. This blog is often that mirror.

In the next few weeks we’ll get some more flash fiction up on this puppy. Some more movie reviews (don’t worry, none of the flicks will have been in a theater for at least 20 years. You can Netflix them right away) and some more book reviews/author interviews. I will work very hard to get away from the chick-books – probably won’t succeed. Dang, but those women can write. And, best of all, most are friends of mine and tolerate my nonsensical questions.

Thanks for sticking with this train wreck for the last four years.

A Couple Of Joes, 13,458 Calories, And Thanks To Applebee’s And Famous Dave’s

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First, my thanks for all of your comments on Tuesday’s Face Me blog tour. Wow! The most comments ever on a single blog post. I was honored to be a part of the group.

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Tuesday, incidentally, I calculated how many calories I could consume for free before having to visit the emergency room. I guessed about 13,458 based on the number of hours in the day, and the wide range of establishments honoring veterans with a complimentary meal. In what turned out to be a lark, I scored lunch at Applebee’s and dinner at Famous Dave’s.

My motto for the day...

My motto for the day…

My wife, who is also a veteran (and the love of my life) was gracious enough to accompany me on this quest. Both of us served during an era when only losers enlisted in the military. Well, that’s how we were treated in some places. There were no free meals on veteran’s day back in 1984. The treatment of the military ranged from “I need your unit commander’s name and phone number before you can write a check here,” to “Honey, if you’re from the base you don’t need a deposit on the furniture. You’re good for it.”

Yes, in California, near Fort Ord, it was pretty bad. In San Angelo, Texas, near Goodfellow AFB, it was great. But the general feeling in the states was that you didn’t amount to much if you enlisted. The fact that the average person enlisting was above average in educational attainment and pretty much free of any criminal past didn’t phase the detractors. I’m glad that has changed.

Tuesday we felt honored everywhere we went. Applebee’s was a sea of unit ball caps, veteran’s jackets, sweatshirts, and faces. You can spot them most places if you know what you’re looking for: it’s in the eyes and the way they hold themselves. It was like sitting down to lunch with my family.

I have gone to a different Applebee’s every year to celebrate. Each time I have been welcomed as an honored guest, shown the utmost of courtesy, and celebrated with a delicious meal. The burger I ate Tuesday was fantastic! Top-shelf stuff, not some pan of crud from the mess halls. My wife and I laughed about the response if the meal was like a mess hall. We agreed that everyone would have been laughing and joking: after all, we at that stuff for a lot of years between us that day.

The wait staff – well, they were amazing. Attitudes, food, and decor (flags, a table for the Missing In Action and POW) were all 10 out of 10.

I even ran into a guy named Joe. I met Joe doing Toys For Tots and he’s now retired from the Marine Corps. He was having lunch at the next table with his Grandfather. His grandfather is a WWII Navy Veteran who served in the Marine Corps during the Korean War. I was tickled to have a chance to get my photo with him, a guy named Joe, and my wife. She’s the one with the long hair. guysnamedjoeresized

That’s a picture of brothers and sisters. Some genetic material matched, some didn’t. But under the skin we’d all take it to the extreme for the others. That’s what it’s all about for us: the bond.

After a very brief interlude at a bookstore, I jokingly asked my wife if she was ready for dinner. Mind you, it’s only 2 hours since we left Applebee’s. Affirmative was the response. I laughed: it was time for brisket and I knew it would be a winner.

On to Famous Dave’s. We got to the register to order and found out we were about 20 minutes too late for the Veteran’s Day special. Ah, we’ll eat anyway, I love barbecue. The manager looked at the two of us all decked out in our sweatshirts and ball caps with logos of the military and smiled, “I’ll still do it. Thanks for serving.”

She didn’t have to do that. She could have toed the line and refused the deal. But that’s not how Famous Dave’s rolls. Dave Anderson is an honorable guy, and even if he’s no longer found behind the counter, his spirit seems to attach to the joint. That’s a good thing.

Again, just like Applebee’s, Famous Dave’s had choices for us. I went with the brisket and my wife had the ribs. Delicious brisketfamousdavesribs

I had to start a new paragraph. The food was good enough to rate it’s own. Well prepared, tasty, and photogenic, the meal was a complete winner. And a nice way to honor us. The next table over had a Boatswain’s mate and a Corpsman enjoying their late lunch. It was cool to shout out, “Hey, Boats, Doc, have a great day!” as they left. Again, it’s a Navy thing, but those honorifics speak to our youth and what we all did before we became one of the grey-haired vets sitting around the table.

Yes, I am a vet with white hair. Young for it, but proud of it. And proud to have places like Famous Dave’s and Applebee’s that show such class on a day that is very special to me. I’ll be back. I am several times each year. I spend my money where I’m welcomed. Both establishments did a great job of that on Tuesday.

My thanks to everyone who contributed to a great day for me and my wife.