Satan takes many forms and is known to possess beings for his own purposes. I have an abiding suspicion that he’s possessing Edzell’s bladder to keep me from going to church. Before you write me off as a crank, let me explain. If it’s not already too late.
- Satan has possessed my dog’s bladder.
For the past several years I have gone directly from work to morning services at the Cathedral of Saint Paul a few times a month. It’s not a daily event, but something that I started to do during Santa season when I couldn’t make it to church on Sunday. I’m no longer a Catholic, but it is a beautiful place and God surely resides there. They don’t stop me at the door so I kept going throughout the rest of the year.
I haven’t been to church on a weekday in a while now, and it doesn’t look like it will happen anytime soon. Satan is using Edzell’s bladder to keep me out of the pews, commotion or not.
How? Why? You’d have to ask Satan about the why, but I can answer the how: Edzell is a ticking time bomb who goes off if he’s left alone for more than about 7 hours. There is something profoundly disturbing about what that dog does to my carpet when he goes off. Think Linda Blair in The Exorcist and instead of pea soup it’s… well, you get it.
We’re working on the problem with a variety of tools. One final trip out just before the humans go to bed, putting up the water bowl at 2100 so that he’s not loading up during the night, and the infamous “pee-pee-pads” that you put down for a puppy. (Note: it looks more like a tarp than a pad when you put 4 of them down to cover his favorite target area. Well worth the effort, but it sure looks like a quilt. He’s never had great aim.)
I’m pleased with the results so far. Part of my deal with the dogs is that I’ll do what I can to help them stay on the path to righteousness – including dry and odor free rugs. (I’m guessing the waste water from Cherynobyl was more pleasant to deal with than what I’ve pulled out of that carpet in the last few months.) And unfortunately that probably means no weekday church in the near future. (It adds a full hour to my return-to-home time each day and he just can’t make it that long.)
So, Satan, you’re foiled again. I may miss church, but I’ll pray at home and have dry carpets to boot. Keep out of my dog and out of my house.
