Free Stuff For The Homeless.

Good husbands are hard to find. Just ask my wife. She’s on the fence today. I think our marriage is strong enough to survive this one, but you never know.

The story is epic – in the best sense of that word.

My beautiful wife has been a very conscientious observer of her health for the last two years. As a result, she’s lost a lot of weight, and looks fantastic. This has resulted in the need to buy new clothing, and discard the old clothing. Find me a husband that doesn’t inwardly scream at spending money on clothing and I’ll show you a robot, or someone who needs to turn in his man card. Seriously. My annual expenditure on clothing (excluding Santa Garb) might run into the three figures if you count running shoes I wear out. The very low three figures.

About a month ago, she did a spring cleaning in her room, and stacked a huge pile of stuff in the hallway upstairs, on the dead-end portion that goes out to our deck. It’s Minnesota in April, so nobody is using the deck.

We have traditionally stuck things there that are going to be donated. If they are to go to the attic, she marks them after they’ve been stuffed in a trashbag to keep insects out.

This pile sat for 3 weeks. In the fourth week, I figured it wasn’t going to vanish, it wasn’t bagged, and I’d best make it go away.

Very early on Saturday morning, I bagged it up, hauled it out to my vehicle, and set it out at the Good Neighbor Meal so when the guests showed up they could pick through it. Never have I seen anything left on the stage when the day is over – they need the clothing.

As I laid it out, I grumbled about how much money was up here, but was also glad she’d done so well in getting into better shape. I finished my work, turned out the lights, and went on to my next three stops of the day. I resolved not to complain about all that money wasted on clothes she hardly wore.

Late that afternoon, my wife came home from her rounds for the day and we sat outside in the thin sunshine and compared notes. She asked me if I’d taken all the stuff in the hallway to the church to give it away.

As a good boy, who did what he was supposed to do without any prompting (Yes, it took 3 weeks, but that’s pretty good by my book), I immediately took credit.

The look on her face was sadness. “All of my winter pants were in the pile. They were supposed to go to the attic.”

I couldn’t even muster an apology. The rules very clearly state… well, usually that means…

I guess I’ll be helping her replace the wardrobe come fall.

On the bright side, the hallway looks pretty empty now, and I did score a pair of used blue-tooth headphones when we kept the cleaning binge up this weekend. You can now see the top of the filing cabinet, the desktop, and the hall carpet again. Last known sighting of any was during the Clinton presidency.

Gentlemen, I beseech you: ask before you donate. It’ll will save you a lot of cash down the road.

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My second novel, Nicholas of Haiti, is now available. Go fetch your credit card for the Kindle, print, and audio book versions. This is not a sequel to Assault on Saint Agnes, but a unique book in the speculative Christian fiction world.

Audio book cover on the left, Kindle cover on the right.

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