That’s The Name Of The Game

If you’re a long-time reader, you will be expecting today’s blog. I mean, seriously, what else would you get from me?

If you’re here from Mr. Shaw’s blog/social media, and Pastor Greening’s blog/social media, I welcome you. I hope you enjoy this. 

Wondering what I’m talking about? Three days a week, until COVID-19 becomes a memory (or until we run out of ideas) one of our blogs will host  a new piece of flash fiction for your enjoyment. Professionally written drivel to keep you from cabin fever. 

The links to their blogs will pop up each day. Once you’ve read the post, go buy our books . Or, audio books. Either way, we’re asking for your support. 

You will note, no pay walls to bound over, no signing up for a newsletter, nothing. You’re on the honor system for helping us pay for the time we’re putting in. 

Now, I want to thank ABBA – the greatest act of my youth. I freely admit that I have ransacked their lyrics to write today’s story. I know that it’s risky, but head to their website and buy their stuff. Seriously, I own all the cd’s the lyrics come from below. I hope you enjoy the game and buy the songs to find the lyrics as well. 

 

Now, to the flash fiction just for you dear readers:

 

That’s The Name Of The Game

“Nurse, can you explain this chart note to me?”

Her voice was muffled from the mask and the containment gear, generating a quizzical look on the nurses equally obscured face.

“What does the note on line 142 of the digital chart mean?”


The nurse swiveled the monitor toward him and poked a black-gloved finger at the line, reading along like a slightly slow second-grader. The long hours in the isolation unit were taking a toll, but with over 60% of the staff out ill there wasn’t much they could do to get rest without neglecting patients.


A look of victory came over his face, “Doctor, we were talking about this one at shift change. She’s in and out with the fever rollercoasting, but when she does come out she speaks nothing but nonsense.”


“Fever gibberish, or words?”


“Words, Doctor. But screwy stuff. It seems like she’s trying to sing it all to us. Nobody knows what any of it means.”


Shamika Howard reviewed the patient profile: white female, 62 years of age, moderately fit, and not yet on a ventilator. She was strong, but her answering a few questions would aid in her treatment. Clicking out of the file, she noticed the patient was awake, and looking at her through the bubble hood that kept her oxygen content up. It was the last stage before a ventilator, and it was much easier on the throat.


“Hey. You’re awake at last. How are you doing?”


“Under attack, I’m being taken. About to crack, defenses breaking. Won’t somebody please have a heart? Come and rescue me now cause I’m falling apart.”


Dr. Howard was surprised. She understood some of what the patient said, but it did seem like she was trying to sing her answer.”


“I’m sorry, but please calm down and speak slowly. I’m afraid you’ll start coughing and not be able to stop. We don’t want to have to use a ventilator and sedation.”


“Look at me now, will I ever learn? I don’t know how but I suddenly lose control.”


Dr. Howard turned toward the monitor and scanned the notes. There was no mention of the patient being a psych patient, but they were clearly trying to sing all their answers. And then she found it – when the patient first came in she was lucid for a few minutes and exhibited the same disorder. She remembered it from med school, it was called “dysprosody.”


Clicking the stylus on the screen, she typed in a note for a psych consult on an urgent basis and left the room, decontaminating in the airlock.


An hour later, Dr. Sven Kungsleden had fitted out in the airlock and came in to talk to the patient. She was agitated and pitching about in restraints. He heard her raspy voice as he got closer to the bed.


“Feeling like a number one. My resistances running low
And every day the hold is getting tighter and it troubles me so.”


“So, I’m Doctor Kungsleden. I understand you insist on singing your answers. Do you remember what happened and how you got here?”

“It’s so strange when you’re down and lying on the floor
How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more.”


Kungsleden felt a hint of a smile crossing his lips. “I’m guessing that you’ve run quite a fever with your Covid-19. Do you remember anything?”

The patient twitched and struggled against the restraints. Finding she could get no slack, she slumped back on the bed and answered, “There’s a fire within my soul. Don’t know how to take it, don’t know where to go. My resistances running low. And every day the hold is getting tighter and it troubles me so. Just one look and I can hear a bell ring. One more look and I forget everything, whoa.”

Kungsleden had it now. “You’ve run a fever, but don’t’ remember anything at some points. Your ears are ringing as well, correct?”

“Ring, ring, I stare at the phone on the wall, and I sit all alone impatiently.

“Waterloo – Couldn’t escape if I wanted to.”


He smiled. “I will take that as a yes. Do you understand I’m here to help you?”

She nodded with a sudden vigor. “Waterloo – Knowing my fate is to be with you. Waterloo – Finally facing my Waterloo”


The speaker in the room buzzed, Doctor Howard was in the airlock. “Is she going to be okay? Is it dysprosody?”


Before he could answer, the patient screamed out in her oxygen bubble, “I was sick and tired of everything. Suddenly I feel all right.”


Doctor Kungsleden turned to the patient and sang back, “And suddenly it’s gonna be.”

Howard looked puzzled.


“I’ve seen this once before. Where did they find her?”


Howard said, “I reviewed the chart. They got a call from her daughter who was worried about her. The police found her sitting in a recliner, passed out and feverish. She was wearing a robe and had headphones on, connected to her stereo. They have no idea how long she’d been ill, but they said she was humming when they found her.”


Kungsleden gave the patient a smile. “You were listening to ABBA’s gold album on repeat when you got sick, weren’t you? I love that one – it’s practically a requirement to listen to it in my home in Sweden. I’m guessing it’s an old favorite you went to for comfort when you didn’t feel well.”


The patient got wild eyed and nodded as hard as she could, “Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way. The history book on the shelf Is always repeating itself.”


“That, Doctor Howard, explains it all. She’s been listening to the same songs over and over for days in a fever state. She’s lucky to be able to speak at all. This should wear off in a few days when she feels better. Just make sure the staff engages her in conversation when they come into the room.”


Kungsleden turned to the patient and spoke quietly, “I guess we should be glad you didn’t have AC/DC on instead or you’d be shrieking about the Highway to Hell, and nobody would have said a word about it, just written you off as needing a sedative.”


The patient, slumping on the pillow, uttered just one more phrase before falling asleep, “Deep inside both of us can feel the autumn chill.”

Yippee, Skippee, You’re All Going Dippy.

I’ve been joking that since I’m eligible for Mad Cow disease due to my living in Europe in the 1980-1990 time period, that I’d like a Corona with my burger. 

Some have objected that it’s not funny to joke about such things. 

So, let’s have a reality check here at the blog.

All of you have risked your lives in innumerable ways that you discount because “it ain’t happened yet.” Examples would be driving your car, walking in a crosswalk, eating at a restaurant, eating your grandmother’s pumpkin pie (that one’s an inside joke for my family – quite an ambulance ride I took that day….), being in an airplane, using electricity, petting strange dogs, swimming in the ocean, being in a speedboat without a life jacket, walking across frozen lakes, and annoying the Chief – or his wife.

The point is that we all die from something. Now, should obese dudes with asthma purposely infect themselves with Corona? Nope. But I’m not going to hide in the basement at home and hope that none of the mail we get has been handled by a sick person. My employer has put us all on telecommute duty. I’ll have to stay home and work. Eh, it is what it is. But I’m not going to go nuts avoiding a virus that I’m taking reasonable measures to avoid. I’m home. I have food and water. I have no reason to wander about in the world right now.

I’ve had two viral illnesses in the last 35 years that laid me low. I survived them both. Both times I probably should have been hospitalized. But I was delirious, so I just lucked out and weathered the storm. I promise, Mom, that if I get really sick I will go to the doctor. 

In the meantime, my semi-hording instincts will do me well. I have a wealth of canned goods that we made ourselves, and with a few simple things picked up last week at the store I can do a month in solitary and probably still gain weight. This includes feeding my wife – she insists. Chewy has a big, new bag of dog food I bought a couple of weeks ago. He will never run out of dog biscuits, I buy six months worth when I buy any, and it was just two months ago when I last shopped. 

I have been banned from church at long last. Unfortunately, it’s not because they’ve caught on to me, but they’ve closed the doors for the time being. Okay. I’ve been asked to leave bars, but never a church. Hmmmm.

Well, back to contemplating the blessings in my life. I started to try and count up all the times I should have died earlier today and quit when I hit double digits. Real, actual things that could have killed me – like bullets, airplanes that made emergency landings, tornadoes, angry helicopters, people narrowly missing me in the crosswalk, etc. I guess it’s not my time yet. But if it is, it’s been a heck of a ride, and I know where I’ll wind up!

(And no, smarty pants, I don’t think I’ll need any ice cubes.)

In the meantime,  if you’d like a free audio book. I’m giving 100 away. Click this link and go like my Facebook author page. There’s a pinned post talking about free books. Put the comment there – it’s the one spot I will check regularly.

FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE

That was simple, and true. 

 

Free audio books for your stay in solitary? Why, yes, please. I’m giving away 100 free audio book downloads from the list on this page. 
 
Click the link to my Facebook author page, read the post I just pinned to the top, and follow the directions. If you put your comments here, I will not be able to see them.
 
I would appreciate your liking the page while you are there – it helps me more than you can know.
 
 
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Guidance For Business Leaders During The Covid-19 Freakout Period

So, you’d like your business to survive this goat-rope known as Covid-19? You have come to the right place. 

What do you need to come out of the other side? Employees. So bite the bullet, and instead of laying off your employees, get them home working when they can.

Always add a dog picture when taking about serious stuff. Chewy makes all things better.

The ones you can’t send to work from home, consider paying them anyway. Yeah, revenue not there is a bitch. It may not be possible. But if you own a small restaurant/bar/taco stand, you can probably do curbside pickup or delivery. If that’s not possible, how about you bring your staff in 2 days a week to clean every stinking thing you have. Start with the ceiling fans and work your way down to the corners of the basement.

The same goes for really big companies. You can’t do this if you make widgets, but some widgets are crucial to the economy so you aren’t shutting down in any event. If, however, your widget is a whoopee cushion with a politician’s face on it, you might consider 1/2 pay for the duration. That way your staff comes back when it’s done. Or, if you haven’t done it in forever, and you have enough space in the place to make it work for social distancing, how about you do as above and get all of your inventory done, clean and repair equipment, and do the training you haven’t done in years because there’s no time to do it. 

Big buildings – now is the time to keep your maintenance people employed. Clean that bathroom wall you’ve “wiped down” for decades. That thing is gross. I can point to the place I work – the bathrooms haven’t seen a “deep clean” in at least 10 years. Nasty. Get all the slow sinks fixed. Repair all the screwed up door closing equipment. Fix the noisy fan in the hallway. Clean all the carpets. Vacuum under the desks, not around them. Just because you sent all the people home with their computers to work, you shouldn’t let the janitorial people vanish. Keep them working. If you have 50 maintenance people in a building that covers a city block 14 stories high, you can keep them apart if YOU MAKE THE PLAN WORK.

Families shouldn’t be ignored. So, if you’re trapped, er, uh, lucky enough to be home with your family for a month, Start in the attic and work your way to the basement. Give the kids their lessons. Chat with your wife, but declutter and clean the joint. I have plans to be in the attic next week (it’s too danged cold up there right now) sorting out the dumpster bait. It won’t be bad, did two huge cleanings in the last 10 years, but stuff accumulates. Week after that is the second floor. My wife has been working on this stuff for months, so it isn’t bad – my room is a zoo, and needs some trash-bag therapy.

The basement is remarkably organized. I figure that’s about a 6 hour work to make it totally shipshape. But it will be done.

The point is, there are things to be done besides throwing one’s hands up in the air and giving up. 

Not me, Buckwheat. Alfalfa and I are going to make this work – Darla has promised we will succeed. So, join in and let’s put on a show. 

 

Miracles Are For Real

This won’t be a long rant about miracles. It will be a short one to  encourage you. 

The other day, Elizabeth Webster and I were having a discussion about how God is speaking to us and we just need to listen. We’re all so busy talking that we drown out the important things He’s saying to us.

The conversation came about when we were going shopping for our Good Neighbor Meal. And, thus the miracle story.

This meal, sponsored by Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church, with the funding coming from one of my friends, Mike Beer, had been scheduled for a year. Yes, an annual event. We had no idea that there would be a confused world-wide panic evolving around a virus when this was all put in play. 

About two months ago I enlisted some other people, young leaders at the church, to come help and use this as a training ground. I knew my usual cast of helpers would be there, but I plan on retiring some day and wanted to get the wheels rolling on handing over some of these things. A month ago, I put out a notice on social media for my usual volunteers. The virus was just starting to ramp up, but nobody was insane quite yet. 

I left for a two week vacation/meeting in Florida, planning on ordering the food when I got back. I’d had a menu of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, salad, and ice cream sundaes in mind for many months. I got back from Florida, made up the ingredients list, and kept it under the budget that Mike Beer had so generously donated. 

I emailed the list to the church secretary, Elizabeth, and she was going to order it from Sam’s Club on the church card. No problemo, pick it up Friday at 7.

Yeah. 

Well, the world spasm of insanity hit, and to top it all off, Elizabeth couldn’t get the Sam’s Club system to take the order. It wasn’t anything exotic, but it just wouldn’t go. I found out about it on Thursday evening. Okay, we’ll fly by the seat of our pants and go out Friday to get the stuff.

Friday, I decided that the joint would be empty when we got there, so I bolted from work after two hours, grabbed Elizabeth, and we made a provisioning run.

I needed three things on the list – the rest I could improvise. First item gone. Now it’s time for plan “B” and a quick shuffle. I parked her with the cart, zoomed to the alternative item, and since it was there we switched menus on the spot. I had the shopping list on my phone because we’d done it many times before. 

Friday was different: most of the inexpensive brands we usually buy were gone. We had to go upscale, and it added almost 40% to the tab. So, one of my more expensive meals got really expensive fast. But we got all the supplies needed except bar towels – handy for wiping up spills – and dragged the supplies to the Good Neighbor Center. 

After stowing them away, I took her back to the church, and went home to send out some broadcasts reminding people to stay home if they were sick, or had frail family members, and essentially begging my other volunteers to show up. Then I ate pizza.

Nine that night, my phone rings. It’s the building administrator. I’d called her while at the store to see if they had a couple of things already on hand – wanted to cut down my bloated budget. But she was busy at the time and got back to me later on.

Turns out, the ovens are broken. Oh, crap. But the stove top and grill are working fine – which is all I needed to do the new menu. The old menu? Couldn’t have pulled it off without the stove.

Saturday I got there extra early and got going. I had the first volunteer waiting outside when I arrived! Cha Cha, you were a sight for sore eyes. 

Over the next four hours a core of my volunteers showed up. Some I would have seen otherwise didn’t show, but the others – God bless them.

Elizabeth, Minnie, Lucy, Mary, Billy, Cha Cha, Francesca, Bianca, Barbara, Gregory, Mike, Matt, Darrail, Suze, The Murphy Kids (minors, no names), Kip, George, Caroline (my onion queen), and a slew of others who I didn’t get a chance to talk to – and so names are missing. Sorry, I was focused on churning out food.

And, most of all, Pam. She runs the meals and allowed me to focus on cooking a good quality meal. 

We served more people than usual, because as it says in Matthew 25:35 we are obligated to feed the hungry. They are scared, because the homeless and marginal are afraid that institutions will close down during the duration of this virus, and they will be left without. But we showed up and showed out.

Don’t let fear rule your life. Wash your hands, cover your cough, and don’t be a jerkwad. I think that covers it. 

Oh, the miracle? Our order started failing at the time the stove failed. Nothing could make it go through. We got all but the last box of hamburgers, all but the last  2 packs of hamburger buns, and all of our key volunteers showed up. 

If God wants something, He makes it happen. Ain’t no coincidences.

And, now, a picture of Chewy, because everyone likes dogs.