I’m back! After a ten-day hiatus to recover from surgery to remove a skin cancer, I’m back in the chair/on the bench as Santa. It was a tough decision, but getting the cancer off of my nose as early as possible meant less disfiguring in the long run. On the bright side, it gave me lots of time to think about your visit to see Santa at the mall. (This includes anywhere you go to see Santa, which includes jewelers, Christmas tree lots, private daycare facilities, etc.)

First, a look at the new me post-surgery:

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get down to lessons learned over the past few decades in the Red Suit. (PLEASE NOTE, ALL PHOTOGRAPHS UTILIZED HERE HAVE SIGNED RELEASES FOR PUBLIC USE.)

DON’T OVERPROMISE THE VISIT.

A lot of families spend the days before a visit hyping the importance of the event. They watch the movies and cartoons about Santa, sing the songs, and get the smallest ones completely sold on the concept. And, frankly, that’s the problem. Santa in person is very different than Santa on the screen. Children may love the concept, but confronted with a 6′ 300 pound guy in funny clothes with a big beard they lose their marbles. A great Santa bears a strong resemblance to a cleaned up outlaw biker. 

Keep the promises minimal, and instead tell the child that you’re going to visit an old friend you’ve known since you were little. Once you arrive, make sure they see Santa interacting with others from a great distance, giving them the chance to accept the fun involved. I promise, this works way better than keeping their attention diverted until you’re the next family in line!

WATCH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING.

If you keep an eye peeled on the families in front of you, you will understand the traffic flow, how long to expect you will be in the picture area, and where to go when you are done. This will also allow Gramma to stand next to the photographer with her Apple 4 phone (which always craps out at the last second) so that everyone is looking at a single point, versus her yelling, “AAAAAh, Booo! Jeremy, look at Grammy, now smile dadgumit it. Hey, look over here.” from the far side of the set. I have spent approximately 30% of my time this year doing an extra set of pictures for family members who can’t figure this out. The children are all looking “the wrong direction” because two cameras 40 degrees apart are vying for their attention. 

A second part of this is that you park your cart, your stroller, and Grandpa at the entry, and then have to go back across the set to get all that junk (not Grandpa, he’s cool) and then cross the set again to get to the exit/picture printing station you have killed another 30 seconds of someone else’s time. Now, 30 seconds doesn’t seem like much time to you, but if you’d paid attention and followed the flow you would have graced the next family with the time it takes to find out what the children want for Christmas. To fully make the point, if 5 people in the family are all using their cameras from the wrong side of the set, and then fumble to assemble and move on as a group, that’s a full minute. Yesterday I had 140 appointments. The math says that about two hours of valuable time actually talking to children was spent with families blocking cameras and yelling “AAAAAAh, Boo!” at the 18 month old Jeremy. 

Be kind, pay attention, and I promise you’ll have a better experience all the way around.

PLEASE DON’T “TRUTH” THE EVENT FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

In a world with more misery and disappointment than I can even begin to describe, keep that photo with Santa as a magical event for everyone. I recently had a young mom explain, rather loudly, that her boys knew “That you’re not the REAL SANTA, but you report back to him as a helper.”

Great. Just great. Your children may have to trudge through life with “the truth” dimming their joy, but the other 12 children in line didn’t need to hear that from you. It wasn’t your call to enlighten everyone with your reality. Might I suggest that if they ask if I’m the real Santa, you leave that answer up to me? I’m really good at fielding that one. If you don’t trust me, just tell them that “The real Santa is out there somewhere, maybe he will be our Santa today! Wouldn’t that be cool?” Leave some mystery and magic in the event for everyone. If you don’t think I’m real, might I suggest a trip to another photographer who doesn’t have elves, snow, and reindeer in the set?  Just a thought…

JUST ENJOY THE TIME.

Not every picture will turn out well. If you have a toddler who’s afraid of strangers (Santa) or a 14 year-old daughter who hates being forced to do this, I can almost promise that the pictures will not be perfect. Double this if you want Bitey the Chihuahua in the photo. Dogs almost never do what you expect or want, and they rarely smile – they are frightened by what’s going on. Instead, just get a laugh that the little one cries, the teenager is pouting, and the dog is squirming and blurry. Those are good pictures as well, as they capture everyone as they really are!

 

TAKE FAMILY PICTURES.

You never know when the family will change. People die, families divorce, military members get deployed, and firefighters have to work that day. Grab a family picture every chance you get. Not to be morbid, but more than once families have come back the next year and thanked me because someone in the picture passed away and it’s the last picture they have as a family. I’m proud to be in that picture. 

BE OPEN TO A NONTRADITIONAL PICTURE.

I understand that the urge is to take a picture with everyone looking at the camera. But there is a photo style that I particularly love, and which seems to outlive the “standard” all-eyes-front shot: the engagement picture. Yes, the one where Santa and the child are looking at each other, or perhaps chatting, maybe even giving a hug. Don’t discard that one, but take the chance to be unique. I promise, it’s a great photo!

 

DON’T COME TO THE PHOTO SHOOT HIGH OR DRUNK.

You may scoff at that one, but when you sit next to me for the picture, I can see in your glassy eyes that you’re whacked. I can also smell the brewskis and the skunk-weed you consumed on the way to the event. 

There are several reasons I hate those incidents (and they happen more every year) more than family fights. First, you either drove stoned, or you will drive stoned on the way home. You’re risking your family’s life, especially those precious children. Second, you stink. Seriously. And like a well trained Belgian Malinois, I can smell the weed, meth, and alcohol on you. Your eyes give away the opiates and benzos. An additional factor here is that now I smell like you because of our close contact on the photo set. Yuck. The next family gets the full blast of “Weed Santa” thanks to you. 
Just don’t. Please. It’s way more fun when everyone comes smelling like soap and baby powder. 

BRING A SPARE BABY OUTFIT.

I keep a spare suit nearby. I only ask that if you bring a small child, you bring a clean outfit and a spare diaper. Don’t have to explain that one!

THINK ABOUT TRADITIONS.

This picture will be around for a long time. Bring a fun attitude, have a relaxed approach to the moment, and think about how blessed you are to have the time and money to take the photo!

 

KEEP CHRIST IN YOUR HEART.

Santa, as portrayed by most of us, is a guy from the North Pole. But many of us are praying over you, and your family, while you’re with us for that minute of our lives. I pray for everyone who visits, even those who make me upset over their behavior. I pray for them all. I ask that you remember the reason for the season and treat each other, and my elves, with that kindness. 

Be forgiving. When you come for your picture which was scheduled for 7:45 and we close at 8:00, my elves are tired. They’ve been working hard for hours. When you come screaming in at 7:56 and want to do makeup and hair for the family, you’ve now hit the free zone: we aren’t getting paid for that extra 5 minutes it takes to make it all happen. We know stuff happens, but if you snap at the elves for a blurry photo, or worse yet, blame them for not capturing the dog’s smile, it just ends some poor young person’s day on a sour note – and an unpaid one at that! We will do our best for you, we only ask your kindness and understanding in return. 

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:

While I love being Santa, I also love writing. My book, NICHOLAS OF HAITI is a modern retelling of the story of Saint Nicholas. This book is very dear to me, and while it’s not one you will read to your children at bedtime, it is one that you would likely enjoy. I humbly ask that you consider purchasing it this Christmas as a gift for others, or as a prize for yourself. I appreciate it! (The audio book contains my very bad Haitian Creole in a few spots, and some of my favorite voices out of all my books.)