My autonomic system struggled mightily on Wednesday while the upper half of my brain was in a training class. I managed to escape with my breathing and pulse intact, but the damage had to be present in some form.

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For those of you in non-technical jobs, there is a special form of “geek-speak” that takes place in classrooms where the illuminati of the nerd-world are assembled. Phrases like GPON deployment will not supercede DSLAM and IPTV in the short term, but it inevitably will include non-voip applications as well as voip once the standards internally are relaxed. In the meantime, only one of two standards will be deployed on the 4 port card without the use of the frammitizer and the gonculator frame application. Or, perhaps, something like that.

The worst part is that we understood all of that jargon. I kept having daydreams while I was listening about characters in a book that spouted that sort of drivel – I’d have to kill them off or lose the reader. Fiber optics is not an engaging topic unless you’re using it as a means to crank up the tension: “Genevive applied more pressure to the fiber pig-tail in hopes that she might exceed the internal reflective zone tolerance and mitigate the signal that would trigger the explosive. Her years of optics training had uniquely prepared her to save New York.” On second thought, that’s not going to cut it either.

Like nerds everywhere, we’re a socially immature group. At one point the word “straddle” was used in the presentation. Hands went up to cover giggles and smirks. Yeah, pathetic. I was one of them as well.

Thursday does not hold the hope of additional training. It will involve writing and editing – and a darned big steak dinner. That’s why the day job is tolerated – that paycheck buys nice things. But I love doing this even more.

Now, if I could just find some way to combine the two. Oh, yeah, it’s called techno-thrillers. I’m writing them. I guess it does happen sometimes in this life.

Who woulda thunk.

Now, back to what I was doing. You, on the other hand, are probably reading this as a result of one of those packet distribution networks we were talking about earlier. I hope you appreciate the noble nerd who has made this all possible. Light a candle for them tonight, place a whoopie cushion, and drink an energy drink before bed in their honor.