I’ve tried the high road by asking nicely. I’ve tried the low road by giving away micro-fiber bed sheets and fruitcake.

I’ve even bugged all my friends and acquaintances by phone and email. But now I’m going to have to climb way out on the limb and due to the late hour (I’m up editing) I will resort to the ultimate weapon and use cheap font tricks:

Please Subscribe to this blog. And please like my Facebook page.

Both links are on the right.

(They really are, I just like that strike-through thingie.)

Seriously, does it get any more pathetic than that? The statistics show hundreds of unique visits a day (lots of hundreds, over 500 everyday and over a thousand on occasion) and return traffic is a big part of that. I know that you’re out there. Now they might not give you an email account in the prison where you’re held, but use your mother’s and she can tell you what I’m up to down the road.

I can’t explain at the moment, but it does help me pitch my book idea to publishers if I can prove that someone other than Larry, Mary, Tracy, Brenda, Phyllis, Stacy, Steve, Pat, Mommy, and the six other comment producers read this travesty on a regular basis.

Besides that, it’s free. And I solemnly promise not to send you any used sheets.

So subscribe today. Tell all your friends on Facebook and ask them to like my page and subscribe. (It’s amazing how gullible they are based on what I’ve seen in the last year. Just tell them that they have to do this due to new privacy rules or all their secret texts and surveillance photos of them picking their noses will be published on their timeline. You can make them post virtually anything if you tell that whopper.)