Commotion in the Pews

I’m a Customer Service Specialist where I work.  That’s ironic, because I never talk to customers.  Instead I just geek away on the computer and fix stuff that I find to be broken, or that someone else sends me a message telling me that it is broken. No face to face.

Today a met a woman who should seek a job like mine.  Problem is she has a blue shirt, a name tag and a walkie-talkie.  These are symbols of import at Walmart. She actually does provide customer service. Well, that’s the idea anyway.

I was there in pursuit of my favorite flavored water beverage. It’s calorie free (I need all the help I can get) and comes in a variety of flavors with light carbonation. I don’t just go and by five or six bottles, I usually stroll out with a minimum of 100 bottles, or as many as will fit into the cart. I prefer to get them in the shrink wrap and cardboard to make them easy to carry to the depths of the basement where I fill my shelves.

Today there were  no wrapped bottles on the shelf. It’s one of those big industrial shelves that’s about six feet deep.  Lots of loose bottles scattered around, flavors all mixed together.  I didn’t relish the thought of crawling (literally) up on the shelf to get what I wanted.

Instead I approached…”Betty.” Yup, let’s call her Betty.

“Hi, can you help me locate some product?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe.” (Not a good start there if you’re keeping score at home)

“I need a bunch of beverages, hopefully still in the box. They’re right over here.”

We then walked the 20 feet to the display.  Or, should I say I walked the 20 feet, she hung back like I was trying to lure her into a car with the promise of candy and a puppy. She finally came close enough to the shelving that I could tell here what I wanted.

“I’d like to get a bunch of cases of this water. Any flavor will do, but I’d specifically like a few flavors that I don’t see here.”

Betty looked like someone had just tasered her without notice. “I haven’t seen those in months and I don’t know where to even look.”

She said it with such an air of finality I was tempted to thank her and walk away, or flop down on the floor and create a scene with a faked seizure just to see if her facial muscles actually worked.

“I’m sure you have them, I bought them here a few months ago and just ran out. They helped me out then, so I’m guessing you still carry the brand.”

It was sitting right there on the shelves, cardboard boxes broken down under the bottles.  Pretty obvious they had it, it was four feet away and on display.

“No, I wouldn’t even know where to look. Sorry.” And she didn’t flinch, not a muscle moved, nothing. I started looking around for a camera crew to come rushing down the aisle. It had to be a joke.

I thanked her for her time and left the store.  Sorry West Saint Paul Walmart, that business goes elsewhere.  You may want to work with Betty when she comes out of that coma. You’ve already spent the money on the shirt and name badge, why not get some work out of her!