I am a pop culture victim.

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This will be brief. Yesterday I was loose in public and noticed a tall blonde woman walking through the parking lot as I entered my car. She was lovely: athletic, great hair, pretty face, and a colorful sarong.

My brain immediately shifted to an image of Willie Robertson wearing a sarong on Duck Dynasty‘s season conclusion in Hawaii.

Picture shamelessly stolen from A&E television.

Yet another wonderful part of summer in Minnesota (both months) ruined forever by popular culture. I will never be able to see a sarong again without picturing Willie’s bearded face. I love the show but that’s an association I could have lived without for a very long time.

Thanks, A&E.

**this will be included in all posts until further notice. Please subscribe now to Commotion in the Pews and then “like” the Facebook author page. I will be giving away a $100 prize from Walker Farms Honey in May if, and only if, I get 100 new subscribers and 100 new likes to the author page. It stands at 67 today, needs to hit 166 before the prize can be awarded. This helps me when I approach agents and publishers trying to get my books published. Thank you!**

The song is wrong – suicide isn’t painless.

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Spring has finally arrived in Minnesota on the heels of a very long and trying winter. I didn’t make it out unscarred: I blew out my knee in the last big snowfall. But I made it out alive. I even have a picture to prove it’s really spring here:

Spring does come no matter how dark and cold the winter.

Seven years ago today I wasn’t sure about the whole “made it out alive” thing. It was the tail end of another long winter and I was working nights back then as well. Part of that night shift meant waking up in the middle of the afternoon and dealing with all the things that had transpired earlier in the day. On April 28th, 2006 I awoke to the worst email of my life. Continue reading →

There’s got to be a metaphor here somewhere.

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I just went downstairs to do a load of laundry. For the first time in my life I did the following:

I pulled a favorite shirt out of the dryer. It had a collar that was literally falling apart. Decision made, shirt into trash in under 3 seconds. No agonizing, no “gee, maybe I’ll wear it when I clean guns” – or any of my other million reasons for saving it for another round.

Could it be that (shudder) maturity might be creeping up on me now that I’ve passed the 1/2 century mark?

Nah. I wore my bunny ears at work last night. Forgot I had them on. Director’s admin assistant came in this morning and gave me a really funny look. Took me a moment to realize why my cleaning the crock pot out at the sink should draw such a stare.

Have a great weekend.

**this will be included in all posts until further notice. Please subscribe now to Commotion in the Pews and then “like” the Facebook author page. I will be giving away a $100 prize from Walker Farms Honey in May if, and only if, I get 100 new subscribers and 100 new likes to the author page. It stands at 67 today, needs to hit 166 before the prize can be awarded. This helps me when I approach agents and publishers trying to get my books published. Thank you!**

My thanks to many. Now, who wants to publish this masterpiece?

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The other day I announced the second place finish of my novel in the Athanatos Ministries Christian Novel Contest. This has brought up two things I need to say.

First, I would like to thank all of my readers, friends, coworkers, and associates via Facebook who have sent their congratulations in the last two days. Most of all I’d like to thank Carol, one of my favorite coworkers, who brought in a very tasty Rhubarb pie to celebrate. That meant a lot to me.

Second, and this goes out to literary agents, publishers, and people with horsepower in the industry (including fellow authors who can put in a good word with their agent or publisher): the book is ready to publish. Below this paragraph you will find a list of plot elements – each of which was present in the Boston bombings and terrorist attacks. You see, these people (Jihadists) are out there and whether they are Chechen or Algerian, the fact is that we will see more of this in the coming years. And if you’re in the industry this is a golden opportunity to grab up an award winning manuscript that’s “ripped from the headlines.” (If I can’t shamelessly promote myself on this blog, whom can I promote?) I’m open to offers.

Here’s a partial list:

Foreign born but naturalized citizen at the heart of the terrorist cell.
Terrorist cell “blends in” in large metropolitan area without detection.
Police officer murdered because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Hand crafted explosive devices.
Isolation of terrorists using technical means.

Hmmmm. Seems almost like I’ve some vague idea of how these things work, eh?

So, send me an email or a comment if you have the juice to get this thing into print. There’s actually a plot and dialogue and stuff that goes with the bullet points. Heck, I even took a picture that makes great cover art!

Best of all? Many more points of similarity in the novel. And it was written long before Boston. Get ready world, more to come.

**this will be included in all posts until further notice. Please subscribe now to Commotion in the Pews and then “like” the Facebook author page. I will be giving away a $100 prize from Walker Farms Honey in May if, and only if, I get 100 new subscribers and 100 new likes to the author page. It stands at 67 today, needs to hit 166 before the prize can be awarded. This helps me when I approach agents and publishers trying to get my books published. Thank you!**

Up, Up, and… nuts.

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I have a confession to make: I’m not normal. (That ought to put my mom on the floor laughing.)

Seriously, I think that’s how you get to be an author – complete severance from reality at will. Most of the authors I know are the kid you remember from school that seemed to glaze over in class and then was snickering during the middle of the hour while the teacher was talking. “What’s so funny, Mr. Courtemanche?”

“Well, I was just thinking about what Winston Churchill might say if he was trapped in a sinking crab boat with Sig in the Bering Strait.”

Yup, just too far from reality to even connect on 99% of the reader’s radar sets. That’s an author. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. I had a belief as a child (up until I was 28) that if I pursued it hard enough, concentrated enough, believed enough, that I should be able to fly like Superman. Didn’t Yogi’s levitate? Didn’t Uri Geller bend spoons with his mind? Why shouldn’t I be able to fly?

I finally figured out that I was not going to make it happen. But this morning I was sitting on the back steps with the Barkerson family and I realized that I’m not the only family member who wishes they could fly. My girl Stormy was standing in the middle of the yard and as the birds flew over her head she would leap up on all fours, just like Superdog. If willpower could make it happen, she’d be orbiting the neighborhood killing birds. She hates birds. Robins, Sparrows, Jays, Cardinals, and Pigeons. Especially Pigeons. If she had thumbs she’d be racking back the bolt on an M2 right about now and spraying the neighbor’s rooftop in a valiant attempt to slaughter every last one of the flying rats.

So, we got that much in common. Every day she amazes me with more and more of her silly side coming out. The dark past is still there but it’s receding. What a blessing. She’s happy. And that makes me happy as well.

What childhood fantasy most captured your imagination? What did you do to try and realize it? Do you still pursue those flights of fancy?

**this will be included in all posts until further notice. Please subscribe now to Commotion in the Pews and then “like” the Facebook author page. I will be giving away a $100 prize from Walker Farms Honey in May if, and only if, I get 100 new subscribers and 100 new likes to the author page. It stands at 67 today, needs to hit 166 before the prize can be awarded. This helps me when I approach agents and publishers trying to get my books published. Thank you!**