Get Those “Unfriend/Unfollow” Fingers Limbered Up!

I have a confession to make: I make a lousy Christian author by many standards. At least, the standards of social media. I don’t love everyone. My books reflect that. (Just one published so far, but I promise to hate on new people in the new books. They’re written, but not yet available.)

Nope. Jesus said I had to love everyone, but I’m quite sure that He’ll take me to the woodshed when I get there (hopefully) and have to account. I have a short list of people I don’t love, including killers and rapists. And terrorists. A few others. For the most part, I’m good to go. But evidently I’m a lousy Christian, and probably a lousy author of Christian fiction, because I judge people and lifestyles.

Recently there has been a great deal of back and forth in social media among my fellow Christian authors about the new Disney version of Beauty and the Beast. No links, sorry. (You have to do some of the work!) I have been told, if I read the tea leaves properly, that I’m a hater and a jerk for thinking that I can skip the movie based on the revelation that it has a gay subplot.

I wasn’t going to see it anyway, but yeah, I’d probably skip it for the same reason that I rather regret seeing The Crying Game: I thought it sucked.

Yes, I wasn’t enamored of the plot, characters, social point, or the musical score. In addition, it wasn’t something that I’d go see now: I used to try and keep an open mind about such things, but no longer. I was told I needed to do so, or I was a bigot and a jerk. Seems I still am. Hollywood has fallen a long way since The Maltese Falcon, an elegant movie with a serious homosexual subplot. But it was subtle enough to be missed, and that made it a fabulous addition to an excellent film.

More importantly, I’d rather spend my money on Mexican bakery. Yes, that’s probably cultural piracy as well, but man, I love churros. And those red/white/green cookies that are supposed to be Mexican flags. Don’t even get me started on the cheese Danish that they make. And for what it costs to go to a movie I won’t enjoy, I can get a lot of bakery that I know I’ll love. Enough to share with my Asian/black/gay/nerdy/white/straight coworkers. See, I do love them. But I guess I don’t get any extra credit for trying to get along with the people I meet: it must be absolute. If Facebook is correct, that is.

Please follow me on Twitter, and “Like” the Facebook author page. Don’t forget to subscribe (the box is on the right side of the page) to be eligible for free e-books and other benefits! Oh yeah – grab a copy of Assault on Saint Agnes if you’re of a mind.

Since I’m coming out (so to speak) as a hater, I’d like to share some other hates with you. I think it’s best, at this point in our relationship, to get it all out on the table so that some of you don’t accidentally like anything I do without knowing what a rancid beast I actually am. I have found, by watching the antics of Hollyweird, that your work has no merit if you ever say a bad thing about Lady Gaga or something. I’m not sure – I get confused by the rules. But I’ll make it easy for you to keep track of my demise: here’s a link to my Facebook author page, and the number of followers is currently 627. If it drops, or increases, I’ll know my self worth. Again, strictly according to the standards of the entertainment industry.

Let’s start with a person! I think that Mary Walling Blackburn has quite possibly written the worst children’s book of all time: it glorifies the wonders of abortion. Again, no link. But the very twisted, sad, depressing tale of her ugly world is called “Sister Apple, Sister Pig”. If you ever want to know the kind of twisted person I’m going to take to task, she’s the poster child.

Yes, I did read the book. I’ve seen things in my life, and been privy to secrets that would curl your hair. They’d make you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress. (I was already unhinged, so it didn’t seem to have that impact on me.) This book gave me a bigger case of the creeps than most of that other stuff.

You see, I don’t need to do, or experience, or tolerate certain things to know that I find them morally wrong. Not just “shady” or “dim” but wrong. A word we don’t use often enough in 2017.

So, here are a list of things I think are wrong, people I don’t approve of in any way. Unfriend/unfollow me as you see fit.

Sex with children. No matter how many of you enlightened idiots say it’s just part of the spectrum of sexuality, there is no justification for having sex with minor children if you are an adult. Not just drawing the line at four, or twelve, but let’s go with eighteen. Let’s cut out the gray. It’s wrong. It damages kids. It wrecks their lives. It hurts them. It destroys their own sexuality.

Cannibalism. Never acceptable. Not even if your some smart-aleck CNN reporter who thinks he’s the stuff. Besides, it isn’t Halal.

Sex with animals. Goats, dogs, gerbils – all of it is off limits. Unless they can type out their own consent form and prove they are eighteen.

Rape.

Murder.

Human trafficking. Slavery. Call it what you will. I don’t care if it’s workers in a Chinese restaurant, five year old slaves in Haiti, or blonde girls from Minnesota lured into prostitution at age fourteen. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Drug dealing. Either on the street, or corporate opioid slingers, who have hooked a huge swath of America on prescription pills.

Drunk drivers. Yes, I have driven drunk a whole bunch of times. But not in over 35 years. I saw what it did to a family I knew well. I was in my early 20’s. Quit doing it that night. Never done it since. Damned near got hit by one on Thursday. (At 7:15 in the morning. Those “W” plates in Minnesota tag you as a repeat offender for drunk driving. He missed me by inches. He was going really fast and I was on foot. In the crosswalk. At a stop sign.)

Animal abusers.

Social Justice Warriors. (This is the one that will lose me followers.) If you demand the right to define my beliefs, what I can say, and whom I can associate with, you’re no better than Adolph Hitler. He did that you know. If you tell me I must tolerate your spitting in my face, deriding my political views with violence, destroying my ability to earn a living with a smear campaign, or banning me from laughing at jokes and having friends who are complete jerks, then you are on the list. Persuade me, don’t demand of me.

People who eat artificial onion flavored rings you can buy in a vending machine.

I think that’s enough for right now. I’ll probably add some later, but that should do to get the counter falling on the page.

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Joseph Courtemanche

About Joseph Courtemanche

I'm a conservative Christian author who's been happily married for over 30 years. I am a Veteran of the United States Navy, Naval Security Group. I speak a few languages, I have an absurd sense of humor and I'm proud to be an American.
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3 Responses to Get Those “Unfriend/Unfollow” Fingers Limbered Up!

  1. If what we’re judging is people’s behavior, not their eternal destiny, and if God has already judged that behavior and told us it’s wrong, judging seems the only prudent thing to do. People really tend to pull that do-not-judge verse out of context and they never read the rest of the chapter which implies that we must judge. Then verse 24 commands us to judge, but to judge correctly. How do those judge-nots interpret that?

  2. Nicole says:

    I’d friend you several times if I could. Great list.

    Here’s one of mine: those hypocrites who ruined the businesses they did previous business with for a long time when the owners said they’d prefer not to make a wedding cake for a homosexual couple or provide flowers for their weddings. Suddenly, that couple decides they should lose everything for that one choice when they’d been faithfully serving them for years with all of their other floral or bakery needs/wants.

  3. Tim Moynihan says:

    Kale, brother. You gotta hate kale.

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